Fighting w/ Husband (rant)

Originally Posted by emb_78

Thanks Katachtig!!! I called a psychologist for an appiontment next week!

Hopefully I can start to see the happy things in life!!

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I'm so glad! I think once you begin to feel better about yourself, you will know what you need to do and have the courage to do it. You will be able to look at his behavior more objectively.

I will be there in spirit with you. Empower yourself.

I keep trying to talk to him. He doesn't want to talk. He says he loves me. He says he is sick of being unhappy. I think I am going to give him time, and go stay at my mom's house for awhile.

Originally Posted by emb_78

I keep trying to talk to him. He doesn't want to talk. He says he loves me. He says he is sick of being unhappy. I think I am going to give him time, and go stay at my mom's house for awhile.

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You know him best, and you know your relationship best. Sometimes it is hard to think clearly in the middle of a big fight. I hope it all works out for the best, and you are both able to work on your marriage. Either way, seeing a psychologist is a great step to healing yourself!

Originally Posted by Beckiboo

You know him best, and you know your relationship best. Sometimes it is hard to think clearly in the middle of a big fight. I hope it all works out for the best, and you are both able to work on your marriage. Either way, seeing a psychologist is a great step to healing yourself!

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Thanks Becky! I hope and pray I am doing the right thing here!!!

Well I am at my mom's house now. My eyes and head are killing me from crying so much today! I don't know if I should let Tim be, and if so for how long??? I am so scared right now. He says he doesn't know if we can work it out! I am totally confused about everything.
This sucks, now I am just at a different house thinking about Tim!

Originally Posted by emb_78

Well I am at my mom's house now. My eyes and head are killing me from crying so much today! I don't know if I should let Tim be, and if so for how long??? I am so scared right now. He says he doesn't know if we can work it out! I am totally confused about everything.

This sucks, now I am just at a different house thinking about Tim!

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Has he givin you any reason why "you cant work things out" why is he mad at YOU???

I don't mean to bring this up...but do you think hes cheating on you???

Originally Posted by Nebula11

Has he givin you any reason why "you cant work things out" why is he mad at YOU???

I don't mean to bring this up...but do you think hes cheating on you???

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I don't think so. I am pretty good at getting things out of him. He says he is just tired of the same feelings of us not getting along, not having money etc..

Er...sorry Tim, but that is what marriage is all about. It is NOT easy and never will be!

However, I got out of my marriage because I'd given it everything I possibly could and it was still nearly impossible.

Ask yourself, Erin, are you happy or unhappy the majority of the time? Do you feel you need to work harder than you should really have to to save this relationship?

I'm not trying to sound didactic or bossy, I'm just worried about you and I know what it's like to be in a miserable marriage. Especially a miserable marriage that has pretty good parts, too, so it's harder to leave it.

Good luck, sweetie

Day 1 at my mom's house.... It's kind of fun to get away. I get to spend a lot of time playing with my dogs!!! Yesterady I couldn't stop thinking about him. Today I am going to try and just enjoy myself with my parents and dogs!!! I'll keep you posted if I talk to him, or anything new developes!!

I don't view marriage as disposable. Go to counseling. Believe it or not, probably as much as you feel you are being mistreated, he probably feels like he is too. You need to try to stop thinking of it as you vs him because you are married, there is no you vs him anymore.

And just so you know, every relationship, even the best, even those 85 yr olds who have been married for over 50 yrs, they have all been through hell and back in their marriage, it's just about determining whether it's worth fighting for or not.

Originally Posted by annabelle33

I don't view marriage as disposable. Go to counseling. Believe it or not, probably as much as you feel you are being mistreated, he probably feels like he is too. You need to try to stop thinking of it as you vs him because you are married, there is no you vs him anymore.

And just so you know, every relationship, even the best, even those 85 yr olds who have been married for over 50 yrs, they have all been through hell and back in their marriage, it's just about determining whether it's worth fighting for or not.

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Thank you Anna! Those words mean a lot to me!!!

Now you are not having to deal with it all on a daily basis, you can take a good hard look at everything. Someone once told me, in a similar situation to ask myself if I wanted to grow old with this man? If you answer that honestly to yourself, it can show you the way to go. Not that it's easy, whichever you choose.

I think I have good news!?!?! Tim called me to say hi, and remind me about our counseling session tomorrow. Hopefully that is a good sign. He said he will call me again later after his softball game. We'll see what happens!!

Originally Posted by emb_78

I think I have good news!?!?! Tim called me to say hi, and remind me about our conseling sesion tomorrow. Hopefully that is a good sign. He said he will call me again later after his softball game. We'll see what happens!!

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Erin,
That is a good sign that he wants to make it work. I would say keep at it. Hopefully you are just going through a rough spot. Keep working on gaining more confidence. This will help you to work as partners.

Jana, you are so sweet! Thank you for your kind words. You make me feel better about myself and my situation!!

Originally Posted by katachtig

Erin,
That is a good sign that he wants to make it work. I would say keep at it. Hopefully you are just going through a rough spot. Keep working on gaining more confidence. This will help you to work as partners.

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The more confidence you have, the more you will be able to separate the HURT from HIM in your mind. It's all about having the strength to put the claws away and talk about the issues. That takes a lot, esp. when you are so badly upset and hurt by actions and words. But it takes one to start it, and then two to tango.

Be gentle for now - to yourself and to him.

It's funny that we hurt the ones we love. Most of us do it.

Originally Posted by emb_78

I keep trying to talk to him. He doesn't want to talk. He says he loves me. He says he is sick of being unhappy. I think I am going to give him time, and go stay at my mom's house for awhile.

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I was think here, maybe when he tells you he Loves you but he's sick of being unhappy, what is he unhappy about? Maybe he's unhappy with himself, You can only bring happiness in some degree no one can really make another person happy if it's about them personally. Have you tried to find out what it is he's unhappy about?

Everything I've learned about marriage has been from my parents, high school sweethearts who have now been married 34 years.
My mom once shared this little tidbit of wisdom with me when I was about 10, and a lot of my parents friends were getting divorced. I was afraid my parents were also going to be getting divorced, but my mom said this "I'll never divorce your father. I may kill him, but I'll never divorce him"

Marriage is the hardest job we've got, next to raising kids. There are times where we want to kill our partner, or maybe just have them spontaneously combust. But, if you two love each other, which it seems like you do, there's no obstacle that can't be overcome with hard work, good communication, and mutual respect.
Good luck, and take this time to focus on yourself, and think about what YOU want--you may find out what you both want isn't really all that different, after all.

Originally Posted by halfpint

I was think here, maybe when he tells you he Loves you but he's sick of being unhappy, what is he unhappy about? Maybe he's unhappy with himself, You can only bring happiness in some degree no one can really make another person happy if it's about them personally. Have you tried to find out what it is he's unhappy about?

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He is unhappy, because he doesn't like his job, I am unemployeed, and we have never had money to pay all the bills! I am unhappy about it too, but I know things will get better!!!

Yes I'm sure it will, work personal things out then you will both feel better about the money, it's alway's money isn't it, never seems to be enough, feel like you have to struggle and juggle everything, money is the root of all evil, but you 2 have to be happy first off, then things will seem easier somehow, I have been married 2 times first time for 34 years married at 16 became a widow at under 50 and this time for 8 yrs, doesn't matter how long you married it matters how much you give to each other emotionally,be support to one another sometimes you just have to work a little harder,
Bottom line is he needs to be willing to talk, you can't solve things if you don't talk, lack of that is sometimes not good at all. Don't give up do all you can to make it work and if somehow you have to walk away you can say I did everything I could on my part to make a differance. Stay strong and caring for yourself and him...Take care