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WinterHawk will you marry me?
Great advice!!
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Fighting w/ Husband (rant)
- Thread starter emb_78
- Start Date
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #22
Gee, can I empathize with you! I've had 18 years of my husand and I don't think he even realizes how emotionally destructive he can be to me. Don't give up though. Hang in there. There will be better times. I don't know you or your relationship too well, but from my experience maybe the two of you just need a vacation from each other to realize how important you are to each other. We're in a down time too right now. It happens, but with long term relationships that's just the way it is. It's one heck of a rollar coaster ride! You're always welcome to vent here!
I think its very sad when we feel like we cant talk to the people we want to talk to the most....or need to talk to the most as it seems here. I have faith that your husband is being a clueless man and does not realize how seriously upset you have become recently. Help him see that, and then maybe see a marriage counsellor. It is sometimes impossible to calmly discuss emotional things like this without letting anger cloud the real issues.
Good point about the hubby being clueless...and about the marriage counsellor. He did buy you roses and took you out to dinner, and so maybe his expectation of Sweetest Day and yours are just light years apart.
Sounds like he made a pretty good stab at being romantic, just didn't have the same plans that you did. I work with almost all guys and there are some who do nothing for Valentines Day (we don't have Sweetest Day in CA...but did in Ohio, not sure why?) for their lady friends. Since my hubby has always done the flowers and candy for me, I find it hard to understand.
My husband and I have been married for almost twenty years, and together for 22 years so believe me, we have had our ups and downs. Sometimes I am the one who causes it....to tell the truth, most of the time.
What I am trying to say is just be sure that you take the time to look at the big picture and if you decide you can't or won't live with him then don't be afraid.
theres been some good advice given here,but if u ever want to talk just pm me,ive been through a bad relationship and survivied,some times talking to some one nuetral helps.
think u should sit him down with a glass of wine (to relax) when lifes a bit normal and just talk to him let him know how u feel.maybe he just dont realise that your unhappy.
good luck
think u should sit him down with a glass of wine (to relax) when lifes a bit normal and just talk to him let him know how u feel.maybe he just dont realise that your unhappy.
good luck
It seems to me like you need to open up and be 100% honest with him. He might not even realize that he's abusing you emotionally. Have you ever told him this? As long as he's not hurting you or the kitties and he's not consciously calling yu names or totally demeaning you, then I wouldn't jump off the deep end and divorce him. It seems like this is in a stage where you two can work through it, but the point is, you have to work through it. Talk to him, be honest, stay calm. If this doesn't work, maybe a counsellor is a good idea. If it gets worse, you'll know what to do. Take this as it comes and remember to be totally honest with what is making you feel bad. He has no right to disrespect you at all, but he needs to know exactly what he does that makes you feel disrespected and he needs tobe told without yelling or crying or arguing.
Good luck!!
Good luck!!
I don't think you should just give up, I do beleive what Dr Phil say's about earning your way out of a relationship, but I also beleive if you can't work out problems you need to really think about it. Why stay with someone who is bringing you down,making you unhappy, and doesen't want the same things you do, kinda like being in a sick relationship and you will just get sicker. Plus being unhappy all the time the longer that goes on the more you start to dislike the other person. Sorry you are having problems hope it works out for the best.
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I agree with the idea of a third party who is neutral. If you are both church goers, maybe you could talk with your pastor. If not, then maybe a marriage counsellor. If you love him, don't give up. Talk to him, but pick a time when he is not already stressed. Good relationships take work from both parties. They don't just happen.
What does Dr. Phil say? I'm curious. You made some statements that hit the nail right on the head w/me and my hubby. We don't talk much, but the reason for that is because I'm always shot down! Maybe her hubby is the same way. Whenever you try to say something you're always made to feel like crap. I've been there and am still doing it. Thinking about throwing in the towel though after 20 years. I only stay around because of the kids. I wish her well. I can only pray she has better communication with her hubby than I do with mine!
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #32
Well, I talked to my mom and she said she went through the same things for years... It is up to me wiether or not I want to deal with it. I am so afriad of not having him in my life... I love him so much.. I have tried to talk to him but he just gets mad. God please show me the way!!!
PS I brought the cat home that I have been in love with, he said "what the hell is this cat doing here?" So, so far that is the extent of our alking today. I will try to keep you posted for those of you who are interested!
PS I brought the cat home that I have been in love with, he said "what the hell is this cat doing here?" So, so far that is the extent of our alking today. I will try to keep you posted for those of you who are interested!
Well I personally like Dr Phil he's a common sence down to earth person, he has helped alot of people resolve there problems or I should say he has gotten them help. It may be a good idea for you to get his Relationship rescue book, it's probably out in paperback by now, maybe that will give you a few clues as to how to try and work out some issues. Hope this helps
Anything's worth a try
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #35
I just ordered it!!! Thanks I hope it helps before it's too late!!!Originally Posted by halfpint
Well I personally like Dr Phil he's a common sence down to earth person, he has helped alot of people resolve there problems or I should say he has gotten them help. It may be a good idea for you to get his Relationship rescue book, it's probably out in paperback by now, maybe that will give you a few clues as to how to try and work out some issues. Hope this helps
Anything's worth a try
I'm not qualified to offer advice but I do know Dr. Phil has a website that might be able to give you advice on how to approach your man. Good luck to you.
NoooooO!!! BUDDY!!
I have not read through everyone elses response but i get the feeling that we were in the same situation.
I have to tell you that you need to SPEAK UP! if you want to save this, you need to be more controlling about the situations because men do not like to take on all roles, when they do they get bored... and they get interested in others..
It is okay to forgive and forget, but first you need to build your self up, maybe seperate for a few days and weeks, to get your head clear! You will know what you want, and he will know what he wants..
There is always a chance to save it, you just need to find your inner strength...
once you do.. he will be on his knees pleading for forgiveness.
I have not read through everyone elses response but i get the feeling that we were in the same situation.
I have to tell you that you need to SPEAK UP! if you want to save this, you need to be more controlling about the situations because men do not like to take on all roles, when they do they get bored... and they get interested in others..
It is okay to forgive and forget, but first you need to build your self up, maybe seperate for a few days and weeks, to get your head clear! You will know what you want, and he will know what he wants..
There is always a chance to save it, you just need to find your inner strength...
once you do.. he will be on his knees pleading for forgiveness.
Ten years is a long time and you obviously still love him as i'm sure he loves you.
i also let my husband do whatever he wants, i never question him if he wants to go out, yet he always invites me to come along and gives me the address of where he is incase i want to join him later
i truly think you should sit down with your husband, let him know you love him and tell him without raising your voice how his actions are making you feel, then maybe you can work out together how to fix the problem, one thing that always helps me is a chart for couples we were given at a Christian couples retreat, it isn't religious at all but may help you when an argument starts.
1. Look for good in your partner and regularly give him or her praise and compliments (in public as well as private).
2. Take time to listen to each other, being careful to listen to understand, rather than judge. If in any doubt about something, use 'active listening' (clarify things by summerising your partners comments before you share your reactions or feelings).
3. Be assertive about your feelings , but avoid blaming or accusing each other (use statements like 'I feel that....' or 'I think that....' rather than 'you always...').
4. Give your relationship the same priority and attention that you gave it when you were dating!.
i hope this helps a little, it can get hard sometimes but ten years is such a long time and i'm sure you guys will sort it out
goodluck
felicia
i also let my husband do whatever he wants, i never question him if he wants to go out, yet he always invites me to come along and gives me the address of where he is incase i want to join him later
i truly think you should sit down with your husband, let him know you love him and tell him without raising your voice how his actions are making you feel, then maybe you can work out together how to fix the problem, one thing that always helps me is a chart for couples we were given at a Christian couples retreat, it isn't religious at all but may help you when an argument starts.
1. Look for good in your partner and regularly give him or her praise and compliments (in public as well as private).
2. Take time to listen to each other, being careful to listen to understand, rather than judge. If in any doubt about something, use 'active listening' (clarify things by summerising your partners comments before you share your reactions or feelings).
3. Be assertive about your feelings , but avoid blaming or accusing each other (use statements like 'I feel that....' or 'I think that....' rather than 'you always...').
4. Give your relationship the same priority and attention that you gave it when you were dating!.
i hope this helps a little, it can get hard sometimes but ten years is such a long time and i'm sure you guys will sort it out
goodluck
felicia
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #39
I'm sorry you are haveing such a hard time Erin
I can ony tell you to hang in there if you love him and if you don't maby you should split but I would do a lot of soul searching first just make sure if you choose to split it is what you really want cause it may not be revesable
I hope it all works out for you and your feeling better soon.
