- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #81
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Fighting w/ Husband (rant)
- Thread starter emb_78
- Start Date
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #82
Sorry, no more news. He did call me after his game, and told me about the game. He said he would call me again when he got home, but nothing yet.
I am going to see if he wants me to come home after the counseling tomorrow. Hopefully he had some time to think. I know I have!!! I sure do miss him and want to work everything out!!! 10 years is a long time, and I am not about to throw it away!!!
Just keep working away at it, maybe you two could go grab a bite to eat after your appointment?
oooo good idea....go some place that has herbal tea...each one of you get a cup...that way both your nerves are calmed before you get into it
Having been through it and still am in so many ways on a daily basis, I so hope things work out for you both. Either time apart, no contact at all, or time together alone or even together with a counscellor may help. I wish deeply and beyond that I had done things so so different now.
I would never want anyone to be unhappy and I wish you every hope, happiness and love and everything i lost not long ago.
Goto where you find peace in your heart, cry and shout to the wind and let it take away your tears and words.
My hopes and prayers with you
K
I would never want anyone to be unhappy and I wish you every hope, happiness and love and everything i lost not long ago.
Goto where you find peace in your heart, cry and shout to the wind and let it take away your tears and words.
My hopes and prayers with you
K
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #86
I hope everything's going well!!!
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2005
- Messages
- 236
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I'm so sorry you're going through these things, I really hope your counceller will be able to help you.
A few of my thoughts, for whatever it's worth:
Whenever you have a problem you want to discuss or you need to confront him about something, be careful about the timing of it. Don't choose a time that either of you are feeling tired or grumpy, or on your way somewhere and it's being rushed etc. Certainly not while he's watching his favorite TV show or ball game...
Also, don't accuse him or attach him verbally, just clamly explain how you feel and what you wish for him to change, but also ask what his thoughts are on the subject. Ask him if there's anything that makes him feel unhappy, and try not to get defensive about whatever it is. Just tell him (and mean it, too!) that you'll try hard to correct whatever it is. He may feel more at ease and more willing to talk and listen to what your issues may be. Just don't make him feel like you're attacing him. I think it is very important that you're willing to change to, because as someone else said, he's probably got some things he's unhappy about too.
Another thing is that men need to feel respected. Let him know what you respect about him, and that he's your hero.
If he should in any way indicate that he might want to leave you, then don't cry, beg or plead for him to stay. Rather tell him that you love him and that you wish he would stay, but that you respect his decision and let him go. Many times this will help him change his mind as you all of a sudden become more attractive. One of my friends did just this, and her dh decided to stay. He became a different man in how he viewed her after this.
I don't know if you believe in prayer, but I do and I think it's important to bring to God in prayer, those that we love.
I am sorry he treated you this way, it would surely be hurtful. Still, don't focus on this, it belongs to the past. Look forward and work on the different issues with a positive attitude. (Not meaning you should ignore what he's done in the past; don't be stupid about it, but don't let yourself become angry and bitter.)
Lastly: If you struggle with feeling hurt easily and other insecurity issues, it may be a good idea for yourself to go to councelling to get over this, and build yourself up, as it really isn't good for any of you and certainly not for your marriage.
I wish you well, I hope everything works out for you, little by little. Hang in there, lot's of bad marriages have survived and become better and stronger after hard times like these. There is lot's of hope!!! Hugs to you!
A few of my thoughts, for whatever it's worth:
Whenever you have a problem you want to discuss or you need to confront him about something, be careful about the timing of it. Don't choose a time that either of you are feeling tired or grumpy, or on your way somewhere and it's being rushed etc. Certainly not while he's watching his favorite TV show or ball game...
Also, don't accuse him or attach him verbally, just clamly explain how you feel and what you wish for him to change, but also ask what his thoughts are on the subject. Ask him if there's anything that makes him feel unhappy, and try not to get defensive about whatever it is. Just tell him (and mean it, too!) that you'll try hard to correct whatever it is. He may feel more at ease and more willing to talk and listen to what your issues may be. Just don't make him feel like you're attacing him. I think it is very important that you're willing to change to, because as someone else said, he's probably got some things he's unhappy about too.
Another thing is that men need to feel respected. Let him know what you respect about him, and that he's your hero.
If he should in any way indicate that he might want to leave you, then don't cry, beg or plead for him to stay. Rather tell him that you love him and that you wish he would stay, but that you respect his decision and let him go. Many times this will help him change his mind as you all of a sudden become more attractive. One of my friends did just this, and her dh decided to stay. He became a different man in how he viewed her after this.
I don't know if you believe in prayer, but I do and I think it's important to bring to God in prayer, those that we love.
I am sorry he treated you this way, it would surely be hurtful. Still, don't focus on this, it belongs to the past. Look forward and work on the different issues with a positive attitude. (Not meaning you should ignore what he's done in the past; don't be stupid about it, but don't let yourself become angry and bitter.)
Lastly: If you struggle with feeling hurt easily and other insecurity issues, it may be a good idea for yourself to go to councelling to get over this, and build yourself up, as it really isn't good for any of you and certainly not for your marriage.
I wish you well, I hope everything works out for you, little by little. Hang in there, lot's of bad marriages have survived and become better and stronger after hard times like these. There is lot's of hope!!! Hugs to you!
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #89
Can you bring your kitties to your moms so you have some snuggles to help you??
Yeah I was just going to ask that....you havent seen you kits in a couple of days huh??....is he taking good care of them???
How are things going today? Any better?
I have been sending you lots of good vibes!
I have been sending you lots of good vibes!
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #93
He called me today. Basically just to say hi. He is at bowling right now and won't be home until late. I am wondering if I should go home and surprise him
or if I should wait until he asks me to come home????
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #94
I say go home....
1. you guys need to work this out ASAP
2.You need to see your cats
3. its your house too
1. you guys need to work this out ASAP
2.You need to see your cats
3. its your house too
- Joined
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What do you think in your gut would be the right thing to do?
There are two very strong arguments for either side.
If you go home and surprise him, perhaps with a romantic dinner or something, he will see that you want to make things work and you are being thoughtful.
If you leave it, and he goes home to an empty house, he could realise how much he misses you and was hoping to see you.
Tough call - but there are opposing arguments, too.
If you go home and he was hoping for a night alone, it could bother him that you're not giving him space.
If you don't go home and he WAS hoping for a night alone, he'll just enjoy the alone time.
But I actually think the first two points are the relevant (and more likely ones).
I say you combine the two - go and surprise him, but only stay for a little while.
That way he knows you care but he can miss you, too!
There are two very strong arguments for either side.
If you go home and surprise him, perhaps with a romantic dinner or something, he will see that you want to make things work and you are being thoughtful.
If you leave it, and he goes home to an empty house, he could realise how much he misses you and was hoping to see you.
Tough call - but there are opposing arguments, too.
If you go home and he was hoping for a night alone, it could bother him that you're not giving him space.
If you don't go home and he WAS hoping for a night alone, he'll just enjoy the alone time.
But I actually think the first two points are the relevant (and more likely ones).
I say you combine the two - go and surprise him, but only stay for a little while.
That way he knows you care but he can miss you, too!
I think I would want to know that he wanted me there first of all, he seems to be going on with regular stuff, baseball, bowling, and whatever else he enjoys, I am not trying to be critical at all of you, Were there things you did that you enjoyed?
I beleive that it needs to be 50 - 50, not 75-25, it needs to be equal the careing, sharing, the wants the needs, you can't give more of yourself then you can afford to loose, you can't put all the effort into him if he isn't giving just as much. You will wind up emotionally bankrupt, give what you can afford
Did you do things together did you enjoy just doing nothing together..
And don't let yourself get down and depressed because if you do you won't have you to count on, try and stay strong, maybe let the ball be in his court. Maybe hope he starts missing you, and needing you
I beleive that it needs to be 50 - 50, not 75-25, it needs to be equal the careing, sharing, the wants the needs, you can't give more of yourself then you can afford to loose, you can't put all the effort into him if he isn't giving just as much. You will wind up emotionally bankrupt, give what you can afford
Did you do things together did you enjoy just doing nothing together..
And don't let yourself get down and depressed because if you do you won't have you to count on, try and stay strong, maybe let the ball be in his court. Maybe hope he starts missing you, and needing you
Hmm. When I read he was bowling... do you think he'd be more surprised to see you there? Maybe invite you to come back to your house for a bit?
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #99
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #100
