parenting styles

aurora151989 · Oct 7, 2005

I'm doing a long-term experiment for psychology class where i have to write my parent's responses to what i do or ask. I've noticed that they're democratic which means i get a chance to decide in important decisions. What kind of styles have you noticed yourself using or if you have no kids, your parents using?

authoritative-parents are the bosses, children have no say
permissive-parents always give in
uninvolved-parents are egocentric and don't respond to children

yosemite · Oct 7, 2005

None of the above.

Interactive would be a better description of our style with our daughter - some things are negotiable and some not.

boys mum · Oct 7, 2005

i was a protective mother had to keep them safe from my ex husband,i always tried to get involved with what my kids where doing at school ect

ash_bct · Oct 7, 2005

While I was still at home my Mom was a combination of Authoritative and Permissive. Some things were done her way and that was it. It wasn't questioned it was done, going to school everyday unless we were dying for example

On other not so serious things she was really laid back.

My father was uninvolved. Now that I'm 22 and don't have to do a thing he says he has been attempting to become very authoritative. It's not working so well for him

yoviher · Oct 7, 2005

Originally Posted by Aurora151989

I'm doing a long-term experiment for psychology class where i have to write my parent's responses to what i do or ask. I've noticed that they're democratic which means i get a chance to decide in important decisions. What kind of styles have you noticed yourself using or if you have no kids, your parents using?

authoritative-parents are the bosses, children have no say
permissive-parents always give in
uninvolved-parents are egocentric and don't respond to children

Hmm... I dare say a mix of all three. My mother for instance is very permissive - with time. If you NAG her long enough, she will just give in to virtually anything.

Yet at the same time she is more or less uninvolved in the sense she gives me a virtual free hand on most of the things I am involved and never asks what I am up to. My father on the other hand is a mix of authoritative and uninvolved. In some things he is authoritative, yet on a great deal he's as hands off as my mom. Which I like.

marie-p · Oct 7, 2005

my parents were inconsistant and passive-aggressive.

they were never really clear about what was allowed and what wasn't. It depended mostly on their mood on a particular day. Lots of random rules would appear once in a while.

and when they wanted to change the way I did things or force me to do something, they would often use emotional manipulation. Making me believe that there must be something wrong with me for not doing what they wanted.
(so many times they've asked me "why aren't you more like [insert other kid's name here]?" )
They would use threats (not physical, just emotional) and then make it clear that it was my fault... that I gave them no choice but to threaten me.

great parenting!

yet on the surface, they seemed like good parents (always showed up at my school recitals, bragged in public about how smart / talented I was...)

kathylou · Oct 7, 2005

Hm. I also am a psychology student. Please give us more choices of parenting styles. I am none of the above.
I am the best mother in the entire world. My children are the smartest, most well behaved children in the entire world. I never have to yell at my children. They are always happy, and they love educational activities and healthy food. Since I am learning psychology, I always know the exact best answer to every dilemma, and my children are perfectly adapted and self actualizing.

arlyn · Oct 7, 2005

Always had an open, and democratic family, everyone's opinions were taken and weighed.
Even now, all of us are grown, and my parents are retired, we were all in involved in the decision to sell the family home.

flisssweetpea · Oct 7, 2005

Originally Posted by Yosemite

None of the above.

Interactive would be a better description of our style with our daughter - some things are negotiable and some not.

Yep - that describes our parenting style too. We have always discussed things openly with our children and involved them as far as possible/appropriate in decision-making. But there are times when a parent has to do what they feel is best regardless of whether the child agrees.

purr · Oct 7, 2005

I think I would be authoritive to the point of having an established routine for them (which makes them feel safe), but I would always ask for their input with family decisions.

My parents were authoritive.

winter hawk · Oct 7, 2005

Aurora151989 authoritative-parents are the bosses said:
Aurora.......are you sure that you didn't get *authoritative* mixed up with *authoritarian* ??? I just had a psychology college course two quarters ago and my wife has the same this quarter. I looked it up in the book and I believe that the styles of parenting are listed in psychology as follows.......
Authoritarian- Always the boss, children have no say, just because they said so.
Authoritative- Lets talk it over and decide together, sometimes (depending on the consequences involved) left to the child to decide.
Permissive- Lets the children do as they please.
As far as psychological studies go.......from their perspective and as a result of many case studies, the opinion is that the children raised by *authoritative* parents are the most responsible and have the least amount of problems throughout their lives. Coming in a * distant* second is the *authoritarian* parents. Last, and least, in the studies were the *permissive* parents, the children grow up to be very irresponsible and very egocentric adults......bottom line.......the worst, usually. I'm sure there are exceptions to all things, but overall these are the results......
As for your question as to our choice of parenting style....we were very thankfully.....authoritative parents. Neither my wife or myself knew anything about psychology or the different styles of parenting until we took the class in college. We just always tried to treat our children with the same respect that we expected them to give to us, so, this seemed like the best way to be.

aurora151989 · Oct 7, 2005

yes, now that you show this, i think i did get those two mixed up. Kathylou, i do not know of any other parenting styles but since you're taking psychology that may be why your children are so well adjusted! (brava)

rosehawke · Oct 7, 2005

I guess mine were authoritarian. It was more or less "Yes/No because I said so" type of parenting. But my mom & dad were almost 40 when I came along in the late 50's so any other type of parenting would have been rather, ummm, unusual. Although, OTOH, they weren't nearly as strict on me re: my schoolwork as they should have been, and I was a little slacker. Constant stream of C's, D's and occasional F's despite the fact that I was a voracious reader and would read most ANYthing. (that only turned around when we moved when I was 15 and started a new school where the classes were smaller, I had some friends, and some good and above all interesting teachers. I went to straight A's

. )

valanhb · Oct 7, 2005

When we were little, they were Authoritarian. With small children you have to be, or you're a pushover. Kids need limits.

As we grew older, learned more about consequenses and responsibility, they grew more Authoritative. Their philosophy was to raise well adjusted, responsible women with us two girls. I think they did a very good job.

fatkitties · Oct 7, 2005

I'm a mix of all three, actually! Sometimes, depending on the situation, my word is the law and there's no room for discussion.Those important things like sitting in the car seat/wearing a seatbelt in the car, etc. And I give an explaination of why. That doesn't mean it's up for discussion, I'm just giving reasons to support my decision. "You have to sit in the car seat and be buckled up, because you could be hurt really bad if you don't, and we have an accident."
Sometimes I give in. Depends on what it is and how important I think it is. But it's generally the same things i give in on, I won't say "Absolutley not" one day and then let her do it the next day. Too confusing!
Certain behaviors are best ignored. We require out 3 year old daughter to say "please" and "thank you" and she's not allowed to treat us like her slaves. I do NOT respond to "I want some juice." Meaning I don't even acknowledge that she said anything. "I want juice now!" doesn't get a response either. But the instant she says "May I have some juice, please?" I will get up and get it for her (provided she's not at her limit of juice for the day). She's pretty good at this, too! Sometimes she doesn't remember her manners, but it takes her less than 30 seconds to realize she's not asking right! She does extremely well with her manners for a 3 year old.
I try to be very consistent, and offer reasons for my rules and decisions. That's one thing my mom never did, and it drove me NUTS. Her rules seemed to have no rhyme or reason to them, and her standard response was "because I said so." I felt like it was very unfair, and I don't want to raise my daughter like that. She also gets an opportunity to explain herself if I think she's done something wrong. Which she does pretty well for a 3 year old, again! That's something else my mom did, she just ruled on whatever she thought she saw, and a lot of times, I think she was way off base. So we sit down and have a little talk when I think she's done something wrong. We talk about what I think happened, she tells me more, and then I decide what, if anything, needs done about it.
I try hard!

Amber

lil_axl_gurl · Oct 7, 2005

Well..I'm kind of a rebel and pretty much do whatever even sometimes my parents hate it.

My dad is real strict so there I'd say authorative..like he even gives me time limits on the computer and grounds me for a week if i go 1 minute over.

my mom is authorative and permissive..we get into loads of arguements over..must i say..stupid stuff. But no worries we get along..for the most part.

mistys mum · Oct 8, 2005

I have never stressed over the little thing ie: change your socks, but things like safety rules, being nice, being kind to animals and going to school, have allways been something that they have had to do, just because life is like that and thier is no choice other than the right choice. Now that they are all TEENAGERS they are making thier own choices and so far they have been o.k. Hopfully the ground rules and respect for themselves and others will allow them to all lead happy, safe and full lifes.

loubelia · Oct 8, 2005

Originally Posted by Yosemite

None of the above.

Interactive would be a better description of our style with our daughter - some things are negotiable and some not.

When my baby starts learning to talk and walk, then this above will be my husband and my way of handling our daughter and future children thereafter.

blueberrybeth · Oct 9, 2005

My parents were very authoritarian...that "because I said so" type thing, and the rules kept changing!
I think maybe there is a way to be pretty healthy with every style, and abusive with every style too.
Of course you don't know till you get there, but I think I'm probably more of an authoritative/democratic type person. You should hear me trying to "talk things out" with the furbabies...somehow things run pretty smoothly over here!

beckiboo · Oct 9, 2005

Originally Posted by valanhb

When we were little, they were Authoritarian. With small children you have to be, or you're a pushover. Kids need limits.

As we grew older, learned more about consequenses and responsibility, they grew more Authoritative. Their philosophy was to raise well adjusted, responsible women with us two girls. I think they did a very good job.

That is my goal with my kids, too. Starting out, the parents are pretty much in control. As they grow older, they get lots of choices, and chances to make good and bad decisions. How else can they learn? But there are strict limits to hopefully encourage good decisions.

If I was totally permissive with my 16 y/o, he would never do homework, and just play video games and watch TV! With limits, which get more rigid if the grades drop, he has a better chance of meeting his responsibilities.

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