Homeless Man . . . what would you do?

Wow...that's a toughy...Have you talked to your neighbor about him coming by all the time? I would really start to feel unsafe. Also, another strategy is don't answer your door when he knocks on it. We don't even open the door for "solictors" (sp?)...he has passed on personal property. I know you feel bad for the homeless and want to help them, so donate to your local shelter an don't answer the door next time. He'll get the hint.

I can see your plight. On one hand your willing to help then the situation becomes a nuciance. Perhaps the next time he comes hand him some literature from the local shelters and explain that you just can't continue. I have seen poeple sleeping two doors down from the shelter in the slush in the winter. I later found that these shelters have strict drug and alcohol policys and in reality only help those who are willing to help themselves. The whole scenario is such a shame.

I would call the police and report a suspicious man in the vicinity after dark and here is why. Last week, we had a homeless man fall asleep in our front yard. Mike wasn't home, nor were the dogs, and the man appeared to be just sleeping hard, and so I let him be.

We left the other day to go to the coast for the day. When we got home, we found that our garden had been completely raided. All the vegetables that were left over, were gone. Even the carrots were pulled up.

I suspect he and his friends did it. The garden is large there were a lot of veggies that I didn't get to yet- or were just coming ripe. Now we have locks on our gates- what a shame. But you have to protect what is yours.

I have no problem giving the homeless help- I never give them cash. Some of them are scammers, but in between those scammers are the down-on their-luck crowd. How you can tell them apart, I have yet to find out? But I will still give what I have, but it won't be money.

You have already done much to help this man. PLEASE don't answer your door to him when you are alone or late at night even if you aren't alone. There was a situation in our community where an old man and woman were getting ready for bed. He was already in bed. Someone was at the door and she went to see. It was between ten and eleven. She looked in the peephole and saw it was a man who worked for them in their boat business. Because she knew him and knew her husband had at times advanced him money, she opened the door. The man was high on drugs. He killed them both violently. I will spare you the details. Now I live in a very small rural community. So you can see you don't have to live in NY or some other big city for crime to happen. Anyway don't answer the door and call the law when you know he is in the neighborhood wandering around drunk. He needs to dry out.

I would let him mow the lawn and then pay him in groceries equalling $20. Have him make you a list and buy him $20 worht of his list

Whenever I see a homeless person here, I always make sure to give them food or coupons or something that I'm SURE they'll use for food or necessary supplies. There are a lot of honest people out there, but there are also a lot of drug addicts and miscreants. This way, everyone wins. Most people are grateful for any help, but there are still those bad apples. I've had many a good conversation with various members of Chicago's homeless...a lot of them are very interesting people who have come upon hard times. The saddest thing to see are young mothers and their children. They're always willing to let me buy them some bread and milk.

Honestly you need to be careful. If saying NO doesn't work, you need to let him know he is making you uncomfortable and ask him to leave. If that doesn't work let him know your going to call the police. Even if you won't tell him you will. Something else you can try. Make a care package once a week, toothbrush, socks, shampoo. Make it the travel sizes you can usually pay about a dollar a piece. Tell him this is all you can do for him and that you will not give him cash anymore.
It really worries me that he comes around at night. I don't like that at all.
Be careful.

I would go to the door next time with a shot gun. Not to really shoot him but just to know that you mean business. He's taking advantage of you. Honestly I don't feel much for the homeless. Oh there are some that are victims, but I've volunteered with them and for the most part they are just whiny and self-indulgent. I know people that are dirt poor with no education at all and they go to work everyday and provide for themselves and their families. And these people don't get anything. I wouldn't give something to someone who won't help himself.

But I'm not uncaring, it's just that I've seen what this help goes towards. I have seen dirty babies who never got their shots while their mother carry around a louis vuitton bag. I have seen healthy young men clog up homeless shelters because a job at a grocery store is beneath them. Seriously, I have no pity for some people.

I'm actually going to strongly caution against doing this. Putting these people on the defensive tends to end badly in my experience, and I've worked for PADS, Habitat for Humanity, researched and observd needle-exchange programs and lived in a large urban center for my entire life. Threatening behavior is where the trouble begins. I'm sure if you and your husband talked to this man, you might find something there other than what you see on the outside or have heard about from neighbors. If he's mowing your lawn, chances are, he's willing to work for whatever it is he needs. Honestly, keep lines of communication with this person open, possibly through someone who feels comforrable with the idea of talking to him. Being an alcoholic or a dirty homeless person don't necessarily make him dangerous or a hazard to your community. If you become truly uncomfortable, an anonymous call to the cops is acceptable, but this could cause problems as cops tend to treat these people horribly and perpetuate the same kind of fearful stereotypes that, unfortunately, I can see creeping into this thread. Maybe I'm desensitized because I live with about 10 of these people wandering my block (and I live in the mid-north district of Lincoln Park in Chicago...google it, you'll be quite surprised) and am comfortable being near them and talking to them. 20 years and no one has threatened or hurt me. Annoyed, maybe, but I've never felt unsafe.

I agree with you. In Canada we don't answer our doors with shotguns for any reason. I also agree, not all homeless people are bums, drug addicts or alcoholics. Some are genuinely down on their luck and some even have mental problems.

I do believe you should be careful to not open your door to just anyone either, especially if you are alone. Just tell them through the door you are busy or on the phone and they'll have to come back another time.

I also think the equivalent of $20 in food/clothing is a better idea. If he truly is using the money for drugs or alcohol, when he realizes he isn't getting cash anymore he will stop coming. If indeed he is working to get socks, food, etc, he'll appreciate the package from you.

I think you should call the police, and request extra patrol. Perhaps the heightened visiblility of patrol units in your neighborhood will deter him and others from loitering in your area. Also, I would quit opening the door. We (Southern Oklahoma) had a fireman kill a cop because the cop tried to do a routine traffic stop and the fireman was hyped up on meth. Everyone thought the fireman was a great guy until he started using. Then ....... So if you know this guy drinks and possibly uses drugs, it's not worth taking the chance. And while I know it hurts to not feel you can help people anymore, you can still donate time, money, items to shelters or other groups, (for people or animals) and know you are helping but in safety so that you will still be here years from now and able to continue to give aid to others. Bless you for trying to help this man and I'm sorry the situation has gotten so uncomfortable. Take care.

Can you and your community help him get to a shelter? Maybe try to gently convince him that getting help isn't out of the question? I mean, I compltely understand you not wanting to promote alcoholism, and I didn't mean to sound preachy...just the thought of a adding a gun to this already uncomfortable situation made me concerned about the safety of everyone involved. OF COURSE you're compassionate. Maybe only get the cops involved after you've had a word with him. Or let the cops know you have a concern but don't need immediate assistance at this time. See if you can find a homeless shelter in your area and see what they suggest.

If he's mowing lawns for $20 then he's working. Plenty of people with "real" jobs spend their paycheck on drugs, too. Usually the shelters are full around here. If I worked hard at a job and then got paid in groceries because some neighbor started a rumor that I was on drugs, I wouldn't like it. If he's homeless, where is he going to keep the groceries? Homeless people buy generic whenever possible. Coupons are no good for generic. Most homeless shelters have warehouses full of clothes. Homeless people don't need more used clothing. They DO need bus money, telephone change, shampoo, deodorant, and stuff they could use for job hunting.
On the other hand, we had a crack addict in town that was harrassing people to let her mow the lawn, and coming around at night, and generally acting wrong and scary. Several of us ended up reporting her the police, driving her off, and telling neighbors about her.
So who knows? Yes, most homeless people out there are whiny and lazy and addicted and all kinds of self defeating stuff. Maybe 5-10% of them are really trying to improve themselves and have a hard time of it because homeless people have such a bad reputation.

He's not your responsibility. Have you talked to other neighbors to ask them what they do for him? People have probably either gotten tired of him taking advantage of them and give him nothing, or are still giving into him and he's making a pretty good living panhandling in an affluent neighborhood. Isn't there a neighborhood patrol, security guards, gate, et cetera? I would call the police. I think he needs more than monetary help.

This is really an IMO subject with all the directions it can go, so I'm moving it.

Please don't feel guilty. As you said earlier, you and your husband work hard for your money. Mowing lawn and coming to a person's door at night time asking for money are two different things.

If you're uncomfortable, I would call the police.

Did he do a good job on the lawn?(first & foremost) Maybe he does mean well.
If he did, you have to start out being firm with him, telling him you won't tolerate late hour non-related visits. Set rules & refuse to be taken advantage of. If that's what he's after, once he sees that you're not an easy mark, he may fade away. If he comes by during late hours, refuse to answer the door, even if all the lights are blazing. Don't feel guilty, you may be trying to help him, but just like in the real world, he has to follow some rules, too. If he can't? Tough.
But protect yourself in the meantime.

I have to agree, I would much rather give food/necesseties than money, not all but there are alot that spend the money on drugs and alchol to escape.

Yes, just don't show fear, or guilt. Criminals of all types, not just the homeless kind-can sense this & carry it further.

he's not a dog............

though personally i bet he'd prefer to be one

He had taken advantage of you. Politely tell him that you will be giving him no more money and that you do not want him to come around anymore.
Maybe when you tell him, have a care pkg for him with some clothes and such. Let him know you are serious. I would also consider getting a big dog.
That would not happen in my house. My Lucy is only 40 lbs but sounds like 80 lbs and no stranger would be coming to my house at night. Good luck and be careful.

I would not give him or any homeless person money. You can get coupons at any grocery store and give those out. That is what I do. I hate being accosted by homeless ppl and I do feel threatened by it - I feel guilty for feeling that way and angry with myself for feeling guilty but most of the time I say i am sorry, I do not have any change at this time. (It is usually change being sought in downtoan Halifax and there are only a few ppl but it sill bothers me to see ppl doing that). If I know the person's story - and have checked it out - I will give them a coupon for one of our grocery stores.

One day, a woman came up to me with a long story about having 3 children and needing money to feed them. Now, we have a good social services system here so there is no need for that. We also have private and Church agencies that help ppl with food banks and clothing of necessary. Thus, I pointed her in the direction of the social services dept - which she could walk to. She aggressively stated they did not give her enough and her kids were starving. But, it was the beginning of the month so I knew that was not possible plus there are ways to apply for emergency funding, and they are rarely turned down if the request is credible. I gave her the phone number and offered to call on her behalf. She walked away, leading me to believe it was a rouse to get money to feed an addiction to drugs or gambling (It was not that far from the casino, *&^% casinos!!!).

There is one fellow who raises money by sitting on one of our downtown streets - a torist area too, yikes! - seeking money and he freely admits it is to augment his disability pension. I serve on our Disability Commission so I know he has access to a plethora of services and I have tried to convince him to seek alternate funding which is available to smoeone in his situation but he insists on begging in the street??? I almost think he enjoys the social aspect of it and he admitted to me he makes a fairly good "wage" this way. He lives in a motel with housekeeping and has a vehicle. I tried to convcince him to go see Veterans' Affairs to augment money in the winter - how the cold would not help his injuries (he has amputated limbs) - but he seems leary of govt. I did give him a grocery store coupon too at one point when I saw him getting lunch from the Salvation Army.

I am a real sucker for homeless people, particularly veterans, and will usually give them a dollar or 2 if I have it. I would never allow any of them to come to my house, though.
Hannahj, you could be placing yourself and your property in jeopardy by allowing this guy to keep returning. He has violated your privacy by returning uninvited to your home. I agree with the others that you should contact the authorities. Even if you do not want him arrested, they could speak to him and get the point across that you no longer want him around for any reason. I bet they are already familiar with him if he does this kind of thing. If they are not, they should be, because he will probably find some other kind soul to try to take advantage of. I am all for helping the less fortunate, but your situatuation is potentially dangerous. If necessary, have a reatraining order placed on him. I am kind of a paranoid person when it comes to strangers around my house, but you read all the time about someone doing work around people's homes, then coming back and robbing them, or worse. Please protect yourself!

I think I saw this man last time we were there on the boardwalk.

Halifax is beautiful. We have been there twice by cruise ship. It is one of my favorite ports. We are going to Bermuda on our next cruise in a couple of weeks. I am actually hoping to get re-routed to Halifax.

Bobbie

There's a big difference between sitting on the curb in a busy area in the daytime and asking for money in a passive way and coming to someone's house at night, drunk and making it hard for them to say "no."

I think you should tell this guy clearly that he can come by to mow the lawn on one day of the week or month and then stick to that. Make sure he understands not to come at night or you'll have to call the police.

Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped by a man who had done work on her home and was recruited because he was homeless.

if i see a homeless person in the street, 99% of the time i will give them something, sure, they might spend it on drugs but some might go on food too and that's just got to be worth it.

everyone assumes that they spend it on alcohol etc but imagine how they have to live every day, maybe it dulls the pain of reality for them, i'm not condoning their behavior, i'm very against drugs myself and so is my husband but sometimes it's nice to just help someone who really needs it without judgement.

IMO too many people give money to large charity's when the real charity is right in front of our faces on the streets and sitting in parks, they are the one's who really need it.

my husband was at an atm one day and saw a homeless guy looking through bins for food so he got $50 out and gave it to the man, on his way home he saw the guy walking down the street with food, he would have probably brought alcohol too but at least he was eating.

i think the saddest time for me was when i was walking down the street in town shopping when i spotted an old bearded homeless guy singing, as i walked past he started to serenade me and it brought tears to my eye's, i wondered how he had gotten that way, what happened in his life to destroy it so completely, i had a talk to him but he was pretty hard to understand, then i gave him $20 and left, i still wonder about him now and i hope so much that he is okay.

there is another homeless man who is a regular on the streets where i used to live, i always remember him because he just walks around the street like a zombie, lots of people used to make fun of him and it used to sadden me so much because what they didn't know was that this man, moose, wasn't just some weird loser, he had a family and a house once, he had a wife and children and a job but he lost his whole family one day in a car accident and it scarred him for life, he looked empty to me when i saw him and it just breaks my heart.

there are some homeless people who i don't give money too, one's so drunk they can't stand up, abusive or violent one's and one's who look like serious drug addicts but most of the time i do try to help these people out, what's $20? i have a lovely relationship, good family, a nice home, friends and food and a warm bed at night, what do these people have? i can't imagine how hard it must be for them .

that being said, if one comes by your house then i suggest you do try to get rid of him, it is sad but when he's so close to your home you do have to worry about your own safety first.

i'd try to find someone who can take him away but preferably not the police unless he does something criminal.

thanks for listening, this is a topic that always makes me sad.



felicia

i really think you need to get rid of him, especially because you will be home alone, if he knocks at night just ignor him.

i feel very sorry for the homeless and always try to help but this guy is invading your personal space and is intruding on your life, homeless or not, that's just wrong for anyone to do.

goodluck


felicia