Am I a bad mother for this...

I read in Parents magazine (why I get Parents, I don't know...) that children watching TV leads to having ADD because they're over stimulated, so I would think that if they had that many toys to play with, it would be as detrimental. Once they get to school and are only allowed what's on their desk or whatever, they could have a hard time adjusting.

Regardless, I don't know why anyone would tell you it's wrong for you to get rid of some of your son's toys. I can't even imagine what their reasoning could be. It's not as if you're pulling his favorite toys out of his hands, and he obviously doesn't care that toys he never plays with are being taken away--which, by the way, I think is great! I've known kids who would throw a fit if you took an old, ratty toy that they never played with away simply because it's theirs. (And no, there was no sentimental reason, just, "It's mine!!!")

I think you are making the right decision.

Maybe Taylor could explain the next time someone tries to buy him something "Thank you but I already have boxes of stuff that I don't play with."

You could possibly try that the person who buys the item (excluding birthday and holiday), Taylor leaves it at their house. It's their clutter not yours.

No sweetie, it doesn't make you a bad mum. You've made a decision - now stick with it! - If you let people walk all over you now, it's going to be that way always. I cleared out a lot of Alex's toys on a regular basis, simply because he got spoiled and we didn't have room to keep them all. But I have to admit I let Alex help me do this - I explained to him that there were little boys and girls out in the world who didn't have any toys at all and so would he mind if we took some of his old toys that he didn't play with any more, to the charity shop where we could see that these children did have some toys to play with just like him? Alex was delighted with the fact that he was going to help some kids who weren't as lucky as he was. It makes a big difference when you can explain things to them that way - I was always lucky that Alex was very good with his reasoning skills Perhaps that would be another way to approach it. As for your relatives - screw what they think - they don't have to live with the clutter. Taylor isn't going to miss what he can't see - chances are, by the time those toys are gone, he won't even remember that he had them, and if he does, he won't remember what those toys were. But definitely, your kids are very fortunate to be spoiled like this - as well as being on the allowance scheme - but they do have to learn to let go of "things" as well. It's all part of growing up

There's a lot of things I wish I could have done for my own son - things I simply couldn't - but at least I hope I've brought him up with a heart of gold.

Your kids are lucky, toys or not, because they've got a mommy who loves them very very much, and no amount of toy culling is going to change that. They'll love you no matter what - and I find it quite sad that your relatives don't think that way too.

Anyway, I've gotten carried away with this post - as always happens at 1:30am... so I'm going to bed

I think it's a great idea! We do this about twice a year with my 8yr old boy.
I go thru first and set aside the 'keepers', educational, high quality etc and then I have 3 containers and we sort the rest out, keep, dump and sell.
You've got to do it quick tho or they start playing with the stuff.
Then at the next community flea-market we take the sell stuff down and he has so much fun doing this. He gets to keep half the money and the other half goes into his savings.
This way the family don't feel that the money they spent buying the toys is wasted and he learns the value of money, no walking into a toy store and saying "I want...." and getting it. Say he has made $15, then we put maybe 3 or 4 things inthe trolley and then he chooses the one he wants the most.
The appreciation of this new toys increases some compared to being given it, but kids being kids it still gets played with intensively for a day or two and then dissapears into a toy container.
Another trick I used to use was to rotate boxes of toys, say 2 out and 4 in storage.
Can you just explain to your relatives that kids outgrow toys just like clothes and go thru phases of liking certain toys, perhaps you could ask them to put a limit of 1 toy a month because the cost of these is just going to increase over the years and your FIL is just setting himself up for a demanding future grandson.
Most kids enjoy 'doing' things much more than 'getting' things, what about a disposable camera?
Good luck with this, I used to have major hassles also but then I moved a few thousand kilometres away and no more problems.
One idea, the best things I ever got my son was some scissors, sellotape and boxes.
I have a more difficult time getting rid of the creations than I do the toys but the demand for toys is a lot less.
Come to the chat board for parents at everybody.co.nz for more ideas.

Like the others, I think you have a wonderful opportunity to teach your son about charity and sharing with those who are less fortunate. It is too easy to get internally focused and this will help him to see others around him.

As for those who protest, use the same argument that Taylor has all that he needs and is learning to reach out to those who need help. Katrina should have taught us all that.

Hold strong and good luck.

Originally Posted by Ginger's Mum

I think it's a great idea! We do this about twice a year with my 8yr old boy.
I go thru first and set aside the 'keepers', educational, high quality etc and then I have 3 containers and we sort the rest out, keep, dump and sell.
You've got to do it quick tho or they start playing with the stuff.
Then at the next community flea-market we take the sell stuff down and he has so much fun doing this. He gets to keep half the money and the other half goes into his savings.
This way the family don't feel that the money they spent buying the toys is wasted and he learns the value of money, no walking into a toy store and saying "I want...." and getting it. Say he has made $15, then we put maybe 3 or 4 things inthe trolley and then he chooses the one he wants the most.
The appreciation of this new toys increases some compared to being given it, but kids being kids it still gets played with intensively for a day or two and then dissapears into a toy container.
Another trick I used to use was to rotate boxes of toys, say 2 out and 4 in storage.
Can you just explain to your relatives that kids outgrow toys just like clothes and go thru phases of liking certain toys, perhaps you could ask them to put a limit of 1 toy a month because the cost of these is just going to increase over the years and your FIL is just setting himself up for a demanding future grandson.
Most kids enjoy 'doing' things much more than 'getting' things, what about a disposable camera?
Good luck with this, I used to have major hassles also but then I moved a few thousand kilometres away and no more problems.
One idea, the best things I ever got my son was some scissors, sellotape and boxes.
I have a more difficult time getting rid of the creations than I do the toys but the demand for toys is a lot less.
Come to the chat board for parents at everybody.co.nz for more ideas.

Click to expand...

you have some great ideas-- thanks--

my son is a camera hound-- he LOVES cameras-- i havent found a "real" camera for him thats sturdy enough yet so we have a rubbermaid box full of used disposables and we develop one per month-- hes pretty good at taking pictures for a 5 yr old.

I think the reason that my FIL is doing this is because he realizes that he wasnt involved in the other 11 grandkids lives enough as he was almost always overseas in the Air Force. (He is still working for the Air Force just at home now) He is also scared that he wont get to see Taylor grow up. The rest of the grandkids (excluding my 18 mo old daughter) are in high school or have graduated/dropped out. My MIL died 2 weeks after my daughter was born-- she died on my daughters due date of terminal emphysema, COPD, Asthma and a couple of other obscure respiratory illnesses. They both smoke cartons per day and FIL still does. He wants to make sure that he gets in all the time and attention he can before he passes. His health isnt the best but with him still smoking and having had a triple bypass less than 5 yrs ago, hes not doing too well.

as we speak, Taylor is down here with me (wireless connection ) sorting thru toys and is excited that he is getting to help sell tomorrow morning. He is going to get some of the money we make as a "bonus" and the rest will be put in savings.

I never had a lot of money to spend but became a very fun great aunt with a bottle of bubble solution and about $5 worth of bubble toys! Sigh, those kids are a lot older and more sophisticated now.

Taylor is a lucky child to have many of his future expenses taken care of. Umm, Taylor? Can I borrow some money? (Just kidding! )

You've already had a lot of good suggestions, so I just want to say I think you're making a great choice, and it sounds like you've raised a great son! I don't know how many five year olds would be willing and excited to give away their toys! Hats off to you, and don't let those other parents tell you otherwise!

Heck no, I'm planning on doing the same thing! There's some I would not part with, things I think are special or have sentimental value. But most of them, they can go. She's got too damn many toys. I wish people would buy her clothes instead of toys, she'd get more use out of them!

Amber

I agree with sharing the process with him. Let him help select the ones he wants. He is young but it is important since they are his toys and even at that age, some things are special - tho I do know the attention span is not always that long but I see kids his age VERY upset when a certain toy goes missing.

If you do not need the money, I would donate them to a children's hospital (I am biased in that regard - we'd love some trains if you want to send us some, ) or a daycare center or a kindergarten or a Family center or a transition house for battered women whose children may have had to leave in such a hurry that all their toys stayed behind.

I feel for you. My nephew is the only grandchild. It takes us a ridiculous amount of time to get done with Christmas morning. Several years in a row, he literally fell asleep during Christmas morning. My poor sister doesn't have room to store it all, either. I doubt that the toys are even missed. I have found that he really doesn't get excited about things like we used to as children and I think it's because it is not special.

Just an update!

Had the sale today and Taylor was GIVING toys away-- very very low turnout but it was unseasonably cold this morning 42 degrees F. UGHHHHHH too cold for me and very very windy. We made a total of 25 bucks and only a few toys sold. Most people are out looking for winter clothes right now. Anyway, all the toys and rest of the clothes got rounded up and taken to a drop location to be sent to the coast for the Katrina victims.

There's still too many toys for my liking but its alot less than before-- When we (taylor and I) went thru the toys last nite he only picked out maybe 10% of the toys that he wanted tokeep. Others i kept for my 18 month old daughter to have something to play with other than her babydolls and stuffies. Thanks again everyone. I feel much better with fewer toys around the house.

Way to go Taylor! Give him a special hug from us all,

Haha If Taylor did that well purging toys, I think Peter Walsh on Clean Sweep may be out of a job in a few years

Way to go kiddo! That's the way to do it!

Way to go!! Your son obviously knows that he already has too many toys and so doesn't mind giving some of them away! My Mum only kept the sentimental toys and I appreciate it now that I'm older - Its great to go back and look at them and know that I can someday pass them onto my children!!

Bad Mom - Not a chance!!!