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Is this going to bite me in the @$$?

post #1 of 8
Thread Starter 
OK, this started like 4 years ago when my oldest friend and I moved to Toronto from our smaller city. She met a very nice man when we lived there, got engaged and moved in with him....blah...blah...
Anyway, she was terribly sad when my DH and I decided to move home. Then, being left alone with this "nice man" all the time started to wear thin....and she noticed too many changes (for the worse)
She finally called me 4 weeks ago to devise an escape plan. Simply put, she wants out....soon, but gently. She also wants to move home to be closer to me and our other friend.
Now, this is where it starts. She never meant this to happen, never made this a plan...but in the process of letting go while still there, she met a man. She has quietly been seeing him for the last 2-3 weeks non stop whenever she gets the chance. Ok, bad idea yes...but what can I say when I know she is leaving her fiancee soon.? right?
Anyway, she is coming here next weekend to look at a couple apartments in my building, and to take 3 job interviews. Her plan is to move home by the 15th of November. She wants to bring...him. He might move here with her.
Now this is all fine and good...her happiness is my happiness aswell.
BUT-Her fiancee knows nothing about her leaving, apartment hunting, the new fling....absolutley nothing. He thinks she is coming for a girls weekend.
If he finds out I let her bring him here and knows the plan....what will happen?
Or am I worrying too much?
post #2 of 8
I can't see how you can be held responsible for what your friend does. And, she is your friend, not her current fiance.

Having said that, if you are uncomfortable about her bringing this other fellow, hopefully you are good enough friends for you to tell her so and if she is really your friend she will respect your feelings and make other arrangements for him, i.e., stay at a motel/hotel, etc.
post #3 of 8

If this is not a long term relationship with the boyfriend - let it go

She is looking for you for support
post #4 of 8
Has there been any sort of violence? You may want to contact Amy (ugaimes) as her expertise is domestic violence.
post #5 of 8
I would simply advise her that 2/3 weeks is not long enough to base decisions like that on, especially when she is emotional about getting out of a bad relationship. Then support her all you can - it is her life, not yours, and that is what friends are for.
post #6 of 8
I agree with Jenny, she is your friend and needs your support right now!

Are you good friends with her fiance, too?!
post #7 of 8
Ouch. Sounds like your friend is getting herself into a real pickle (she should finish one relationship before jumping head first into another). She's a big girl - will hopefully learn from her mistakes. If you meddle you might lose a friend, or be held accountable by the fiance (sounds like she's already using you as her scapegoat if she's telling him it's a "girls weekend". That's too bad. I would be concerned that he might blame you (once the truth spears its ugly head). Do you have reason to worry? Is he abusive? I don't want to scare you, but there's currently a trial in my neck of the woods where this man killed a woman (burned her body in his yard). Apparently, he was angry at her for getting between him and his girlfriend (it was her friend that was murdered). I know that's an extreme example, but people do crazy things in the heat of passion. I would tell your friend that you support her, but that you don't like the idea that she's lying to her fiance - she needs to be honest with him. The sooner the better.
post #8 of 8
It definitely sounds to me like some sort of abuse was going on. That is normally the only time someone tries to devise an "Escape plan" to leave a relationship. Plus, sometimes it's the guys that appear to be the nicest on the outside that are the nastiest to their partners (it's a Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing).

Please show these links if you have the chance:
http://www.domesticviolence.org/plan.html (a good safety plan)
http://www.hotpeachpages.net/canada/air/agency.html (links to domestic violence agencies throughout Canada).

Matt, please PM me if there is anything else I can do to help her. No matter what she does (even if you don't agree with her decisions), support her and be there for her. That's what she needs most right now. I wish her luck.
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