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Goodbye Nickolas...

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
I just got back from the vet about two hours ago where I had to have my foster cat Nickolas euthanized. He was a 15 year old himalyian persian that had a spinal cord injury that caused him to have extremely weak hind legs. I got him about 4 days ago (he was turned into our rescue about 2 weeks ago, I believe) and came from a local shelter. After only four days he was doing sooo poorly he ended up had cancer on the spine and couldn't surpress his bladder anymore and the vet said although he wasn't in any pain he had no quality of life left and even with fluids, and meds wouldn't live but a couple more weeks so we had to make the decision to have him put to sleep in our arms as he looked at me and purred the entire time. I am crushed over this. This was my first foster that has had to be put to sleep and even though it was only four days with me I loved him so much. Anybody have any words to help me get through this?? I plan on taking in a good bit of senior cats and terminally ill cats while fostering because I believe they are the ones that need someone the most and just need to learn how to deal with letting go.
post #2 of 21
I am so so sorry to hear about your loss. It was so kind of you to let the little guy be love and nurtured for the last few days of his life!! I read this poem today that ws posted on this website and thought that it might help you through this terribly difficult time.

Four Feet in Heaven

by Alice E. Chase

Your favorite chair is vacant now...
No eager purrs to greet me
No softly padded paws to run
ecstatically to meet me
No coaxing rubs, no plaintive cry
Will say it time for feeding
I've put away your bowl,
And all the things you won't be needing
But I will miss you little friend,
For I could never measure
the happiness you brought me,
the comfort and the pleasure.
And since God put you here to share
In earthly joy and sorrow
I'm sure there'll be a place for you
in Heaven's bright tomorrow...

It made me cry when I read it but I thought that it was perfect. And remember- he's walking strong now that he's crossed the bridge.

Take care of yourself and keep smilin'
Kareemsbuddy
post #3 of 21
PS : you truely are a wonderful person for brining in terminally ill cats! They will love you for that always!
post #4 of 21
I agree that it is really courageous of you to want to help these older kitties. I can't imagine doing something like that.

I don't know if these words will help at all, but I think that unfortunately poor Nickolas was going to pass away because of his problems. But thanks to you he had a great final few days and got to die peacefully. You gave him a great gift.
post #5 of 21
Oh I'm so sorry to hear about Nickolas. I had read about you adopting him some days ago, didn't expect him to go this soon. I was just thinking how courageous you are to bring in a kitty like Nick. I have nothing but respect for you and your wish to give the terminally ill kitties a chance at love... I'm sure you will make many many sick cats very happy during their final days/weeks/months/even years of life, just like how you made poor Nickolas happy.

You'll need lots of emotional support if you are to walk this road. I'm sure you bond with your kitties very easily and it will always be hard to see them go, especially when they're in pain. Remember TCS and all the nice folk here who are always ready and willing to lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on...
post #6 of 21
I am so sorry you didn't have longer with this precious cat. You are such a special person to do what you intend to do. I pray God will give you strength to help these cats and strength to let them go when it is time. It is so hard. But there are lots of us here dealing with what you are going through now and it helps to have ones who understand. Thank you for loving this cat and caring for him in his darkest hour.
post #7 of 21
Condolences on your loss of Nickolas. I am glad that you were with him at the end. As difficult as it is to see them go, it would be so much harder on them to go alone.....and it is a peaceful passing, that is such a wonderful gift. You have great love and courage to take in these hard-to-handle cases...such wonderful compassion - you are what is RIGHT with the human race! Hugs, susan
post #8 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryobious
Anybody have any words to help me get through this??
not sure if I have the words to help - but please know that you helped Nickolas in the most important time of his life - you helped him know love in those last few days of his life when he needed it the most

I weep for you right now - Nickolas' story has certainly touched my heart and my heart feels heavy for you.
Quote:
I plan on taking in a good bit of senior cats and terminally ill cats while fostering because I believe they are the ones that need someone the most and just need to learn how to deal with letting go.
oh bless you!! you are a wonderful beautiful person... yes it will be hard to let go of these senior cats, but what an amazing feeling it will be to know that these precious kitties whom are so often forgotton about will know love in the final time of their life - how wonderful you are to do this, and this makes me cry even more - I wish there were more people on this earth like you.

Please always know that we are here for you - we may not always have the words to say to you, but we will always have a shoulder to lean on. You can pm me whenever you need if you just want to chat.
my heart and love go out to you

RIP Nickolas - you were his angel here and now he is your angel from above - he will always watch over you
post #9 of 21
Bless you for taking in the older cats. At this end this poor baby knew a loving a caring home. RIP Nickolas.
post #10 of 21
Bless his little heart, and you for taking care of him

RIP Nickolas and be healthy again over the bridge
post #11 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryobious
I plan on taking in a good bit of senior cats and terminally ill cats while fostering because I believe they are the ones that need someone the most and just need to learn how to deal with letting go.
You are an angel. A true patrion to cats. These cats are the ones who really need someone.
Giving a senior/special needs cat even 4 days of love and affection will literally last that cat a lifetime. You are giving the cat something that it has been looking for all its life in its final days. There are no words that will comfort the sadness you will feel when they pass, however shed some tears of joy as you truly are making these cats life better with your give of love and warmth. If you doubt it, look at the eyes of these animals while you comfort them. You will see nothing but sincere love, trust and adoration.
All of us here at TCS will be here for you as you walk this difficult road. Please believe us all that the joy you bring these cats far overshadows any grief you feel after they are gone.
Thank you so much for doing this for these cats.


“Blessed are you, Lord God, maker of all living creatures. You called forth fish in the sea birds in the air and animals of the land. You inspired St. Francis to call of them his brothers and sisters. We ask you to bless pet. By the power of your love, enable it to live according to your plan. May we always praise you for your beauty in creation. Blessed are you, Lord our God in all your creatures! Amen.â€
post #12 of 21
As a nurse, when I worked on an extended care unit, we had some cases that were basically hospice. They had no hope of a cure, and little hope of long term survival. My goal was to provide the best quality of life possible. As is yours, for these ill, senior cats.

Whoever turned Nickolas in to the shelter is sub-human. Your actions, and those of your rescue, provided this living creature with a respectful end. After the pain of his loss subsides, you will feel great pride in knowing what you did for Nickolas. Not a selfish, bragging pride, but a warm feeling inside.

This is a difficult road you are chosing, but also satisfying. Maybe you won't be able to withstand it forever, but as long as you help these unwanted kitties, you will be blessing them as no one else can. You can't save the world, but you saved Nickolas, and now he is at peace.
post #13 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thank you so much guys. All of your words and comfort really mean a great deal to me. I am truly greatful to have found this site with all of you wonderful people. I am doing much better today. I know I made the right decision and am ignoring the "what if" voice in my head. I fall in love with these guys so easily. Not one cat has ever crossed my path that I would lay down my life to give them a better one but I know it isn't my decision who lives and who dies. I just wish there didn't need to be people like me. I wish the owners of these cats knew what they were doing and would stand by these cats from day one until the end but I know that is never going to happen.

I guess the hardest part for me is now that Nickolas has passed away it makes me think of everyone I have lost in life. I have only really lost two others in my entire life (so far). My brother died at 17, two years ago, and I adopted a kitten a year and a half ago that was six weeks old and by eight weeks she died. She had an enlarged heart, and defective kidneys due to bad genetics and there was nothing we could do to save her. Now I wake up every morning thinking about my brother, Nickolas and my kitten. I seem to have trouble grieving for just one, I feel the pain all over again for them all. It does give me comfort that these cats that go, I believe go to my brother and he is taking care of them for me until I see him again.
post #14 of 21
You are a much stronger person than I . Bless you for taking care of this kitty so late in his life.
post #15 of 21
I'm going to try to say something. Forgive me if the words don't come out right.

What is the goal of Hospice? To allow patients to die in comfort, with their families, with respect, in the way they want to.

You did that, right? You are an angel.
post #16 of 21
I think that what you are doing is absolutely heroic. You are such a kind, loving person and it won't be easy for you, losing kitties you have just grown to love. But still, as others have said, look at what you are giving these poor little cats!! Love, security, happiness, peace, comfort, tenderness--in fact, a little piece of heaven right here on earth. Something they've probably never known before. I KNOW losing them is tremendously hard--but please remember that this is not a terrible thing for THEM. They are being loved and held and cared for in the most wonderful way--they are HAPPY--and then they just peacefully go to sleep in the arms of someone who loves them--what better way to go, for any of us--and when they awaken, they're forever across the Rainbow Bridge where there is nothing BUT endless love and joy and comfort. And know too that they will never ever forget the person who made their last days so happy and their deaths so peaceful. You will have SO MANY little ones--no matter what their ages here on earth--waiting joyously to welcome you to the other side!!! I said you're a hero to me--imagine what you are to these sweet babies--you're their true angel!! God bless you for your love and selflessness. And remember--we are ALWAYS here for you!!!
post #17 of 21
ryobious
You are truly an inspiration. A person who cares for those who are in need can only be respected and admired.
post #18 of 21
I am so sorry you didn't have longer with him - even when we know we are taking cats on with a limited timespan, it doesn't make it any easier when they go, and I think it is harder when you have only had days/weeks/months with them, as you want them to have so much longer. Just think of the love he got for those 4 short days, and the fact he had someone who loved him when it mattered most. I truly agree that these kind of cats are the ones that need us the most, and that is why I will keep taking on oldies (and hope for a fairly healthy one every now and then) despite the emotional heartache. When you can look back and say that thanks to you, x amount of cats got love, warmth and happiness when it mattered most, that means so much and wipes out all the hurt (well, sort of)
post #19 of 21
Thread Starter 
Kathylou: Yes the goal of hospice is to take in senior cats and terminally ill cats that are at shelters, vets office, and owner surrendors and give them a happy place to live out the remainder of their days. Whether 5 years or 4 days they have the vet treatment they need and someone that will show them what life is suppose to be like and that when it is there time to go they get to go in our arms without fear.

Thank you guys you all truly mean the world to me and make me feel so much better and it helps me so much to know that when I am hurting I always have you all to turn to.
post #20 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by ryobious
I just got back from the vet about two hours ago where I had to have my foster cat Nickolas euthanized. He was a 15 year old himalyian persian that had a spinal cord injury that caused him to have extremely weak hind legs. I got him about 4 days ago (he was turned into our rescue about 2 weeks ago, I believe) and came from a local shelter. After only four days he was doing sooo poorly he ended up had cancer on the spine and couldn't surpress his bladder anymore and the vet said although he wasn't in any pain he had no quality of life left and even with fluids, and meds wouldn't live but a couple more weeks so we had to make the decision to have him put to sleep in our arms as he looked at me and purred the entire time. I am crushed over this. This was my first foster that has had to be put to sleep and even though it was only four days with me I loved him so much. Anybody have any words to help me get through this?? I plan on taking in a good bit of senior cats and terminally ill cats while fostering because I believe they are the ones that need someone the most and just need to learn how to deal with letting go.
I saw your post and said to myself, "I recognize that name" I know you from Petfinder. I hope you are okay. I posted over there about your baby. I am so sorry. I am the one who told you about the appetite stimulant I give my cat, remember? My thoughts are with you during this hard time.
post #21 of 21
I think you are doing a great and generous thing and you will have many cat spirits to watch over you.
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