moral issue - theft

Hi,
I have a problem that is absolutely eating me up this evening. Funny part is that it's not even my fault.
It was my best friends birthday last week, so this weekend we went out partying at our favouite pub. After a couple of jugs of beer (between 4 of them), two of the males decided that it would be fun to start to steal various decorations around the pub. It started with a wreath, some decorative plates and a candlestick holder. We chastised them, but didn't stop them. I suppose we should have.
The big problem is, and the part we didn't know was that when they were out "smoking" they were actually breaking into the upstairs and stealing booze. It was only after the fact that we found out they had done this (on the way home) and I wasn't about to go back into the pub and tell on them.
The pub was practically empty and we're pretty regular customers. I don't want to tell on them, as it's pretty embarrassing and I don't want to get them in trouble. On the other hand, I'm scared that I'm going to go there some night and get in a load of trouble simply because I was with them that night. I really want to be able to go back, since it's the only really good place in town. Becides that, I'm under the impression that stealing isn't cool, and pretty wrong in fact.
It's amazing how someone else can wreck your good time
What do you think?

Wow! That really stinks...maybe you could convince them to take the items back. Whether they do or not, I wouldn't hang with them anymore...you just might end up getting arrested the next time you are out with them.

That does suck. I'm not sure I'd tell on them either, but I wouldn't want to hang out with them again either. That was pretty mean and stupid of them.

well, I kind of have to hang out with them. One of them was my bestfriends boyfriend whom she lives with. We've been bestfriends for 24 years now (since we were babies) and her boyfriend has never done anything like that before.
It was mean and stupid of them though, that's for sure. I really hope that they sobered up the next day and brought some of the stuff back (even if they just had to sneak it back into the pub the way they took it out). I doubt it though.

geeze that is a tough one.....

you bring up valid points on both ends..........

but it really seems to be bugging you....so i guess the only real questions is.....

What price will you pay for piece of mind???

I mean ya can't just walk around feeling guilty and paranoid for this...ecspecially since you had nothing to do with it..............

Originally Posted by Sylorna

We've been bestfriends for 24 years now (since we were babies) and her boyfriend has never done anything like that before.

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I've noticed that people tend to do things in groups that they wouldn't do if they were by themselves. Since I'm antisocial it's easy, I just avoid groups. Sorry I don't have a better suggestion.

Originally Posted by Nebula11

What price will you pay for piece of mind???

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Yeah, I think that maybe I'll email or call her and sort of ask about what she thinks, or if anything's changed.
I think I'd be less bothered by it if I knew there couldn't be any reprocussions on me. As bad as that may sound.
Fortunately there wont be chance for me to go to the pub in the next month anyway.

I would certainly talk to the girlfriend about this. No one wants to be a party pooper, but you have to decide what your moral stance is and stick to it. Then put it back on her and him, and let them tell you what they are going to do about it.

As for it affecting you, my brother-in-law was arrested and went to jail when he was with a friend who was shoplifting. So don't believe that it isn't possible to affect you. (He only spent one night in jail, but STILL!)

Originally Posted by Beckiboo

As for it affecting you, my brother-in-law was arrested and went to jail when he was with a friend who was shoplifting. So don't believe that it isn't possible to affect you. (He only spent one night in jail, but STILL!)

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Yeah, I know that it can mean trouble for me, which is why I'm worried.
I think it's better to call her. An email seems so distant and cowardly.

Yes, I agree that a phone call is best. Then you can hear each other's tone of voice, and really understand.

I too think you need to talk to her about this either on the phone or in person. And she needs to convince her bf to take responsibility for his actions and return the stolen items. If they own up to it and are good regular customers, hopefully the people who own the pub will understand and not do anything. Or they could somehow contact the owners - if they do not want to ID themselves - and try to return the items with no questions answered. They may just be happy to get the stuff back. It would help to know if the people who operate the pub have yet involved the police and what they plan to do about the theft. Not that it shoud change the bf and his friends' actions but if they knew they had already contacted the police, it might be better if they could find a way to return the items without being IDed and charged with a crime. In the end, if you are associated with them and they are caught and charged without taking some proactive action themselves, it will be guilt by association from the perspective of the owners. That's not fair and it is not fair for them to involve you in their crime but standing by and doing nothing is not right either. You have a moral obligation to urge them to return the items. (and it seems you do have a concience and sound ethics because it does bother you. )

Originally Posted by CyberKitten

I too think you need to talk to her about this either on the phone or in person. And she needs to convince her bf to take responsibility for his actions and return the stolen items. If they own up to it and are good regular customers, hopefully the people who own the pub will understand and not do anything. Or they could somehow contact the owners - if they do not want to ID themselves - and try to return the items with no questions answered. They may just be happy to get the stuff back. It would help to know if the people who operate the pub have yet involved the police and what they plan to do about the theft. Not that it shoud change the bf and his friends' actions but if they knew they had already contacted the police, it might be better if they could find a way to return the items without being IDed and charged with a crime. In the end, if you are associated with them and they are caught and charged without taking some proactive action themselves, it will be guilt by association from the perspective of the owners. That's not fair and it is not fair for them to involve you in their crime but standing by and doing nothing is not right either. You have a moral obligation to urge them to return the items. (and it seems you do have a concience and sound ethics because it does bother you. )

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Yes, I know that's the reality. I do have to say that we ALL (those who were involved in this nonsense) have a moral concience and sound ethics. I'm not the type of person who hangs around with "bad" people. The guys got drunk and did something bad, something which I've been told they have never done before. I don't think that I could do it, regardless of how drunk I'd get, but that doesn't make them bad people. I'm thinking that maybe they could do a drive by drop off between the doors or something to that nature. I don't know, I'll have to talk to my bestfriend tomorrow night and just sit on tummy aches and nerves until then. It's funny though, it didn't hit me till tonight and it's been a couple of days.
I sure hope it works out so I can go back.