Wedding Registry/Gift Question

I have a lil question about wedding registries. We're going to a friends wedding this Friday night several states away. I've had to go through heck to get off of work. So I finally find out where the couple is registered and I'm checking out the registries online. Almost everything they have registered for is EXPENSIVE. I don't want to be cheap but I'm not rich. It almost feels rude how expensive the stuff they registered for is. Gosh, we didn't even register for many decorative things when we got married...just placemats and napkins and dish towels....and they were from walmart!

Now I don't know what to do...I can't splurge...the gas, hotel, and time off work are kind of a lot. So what do I do now? How much do you usually spend on a wedding gift? I don't want to get them something they won't like, and I'm not sure how much 'cash' we can afford to give and a present seems like more than cash. I mean I know if they get offended that just shows a lack of character on thier part. The guy is my husband's friend more than mine. He was my best friend's ex-finacee before this girl. That was before I met my husband. This guy was known for getting offended.

So any advice? What would you do? Am I at least somewhat justified in my feelings about thier choices? I guess we don't have to and can go the cash/gift card route....oy!

Well, I'm pretty sure what Miss Manners would tell you. Gift registries are convenient, but they're also a little presumptuous. You're not limited to the registry, especially if everything on it is out of your price range. We go to weddings mainly to witness the start of a new life, not for the express purpose of furnishing a home. If they are holding your checkbook hostage, you're not truly a guest, are you?

Buy them what you can and would like to. I always think gift baskets are nice.

Sorry for your quandry!! That's pretty tacky of them to not register for cheaper items as well.

At any rate, a good candle set would be nice. Sweet, romantic, pretty. Target has very pretty sets for about $20. Do you think that would be something he would get offended over? Heck, that's another thing...it's a GIFT...I don't think he has any room to get offended over someone's good intentions...ya know?

Hopefully that helps!

I agree with the others, and especially evnshawn. A gift registry is there to guide those who don't have a clue what to get, or have loads of money. When we got married, I think we actually got like 2 things we registered for. No big deal. (Of course, we registered for stuff in every price range too, from little kitchen gadgets to a $200 microwave.)

Get them whatever you can afford. It's usually not traditional to open the presents at the reception anyway, so if he's offended he can be a jerk all by himself with his new wife. You shouldn't ever have to worry about offending someone with a gift - they should be grateful that you brought them anything at all!

One of the most thoughtful wedding gifts I ever received (been married twice) was a "basket" containing a cookbook of recipes for two, a set of measuring cups and spoons as well as other various small kitchen gadgets, an apron and a set of wooden spoons. I imagine you could buy a bunch of inexpensive stuff, get a pretty basket and arrange the stuff in the basket as your gift.

Corningware makes a nice boxed set of baking dishes in different colors (I have the purple ones - very pretty and I use them all the time) for less than $40 at Target. Food storage (like Rubbermaid plastic stuff) normally always makes a nice gift for a new couple just setting up a home and isn't expensive either.

You can never go wrong with a set of white or offwhite sheets and pillowcases if you know their bedsize. Target has some nice, higher-thread count sets that are reasonably priced.

Or, if you wanted to go a bit more on the elegant side, go to one of the kitchen/bath super stores (I like Pier One or the World Market) and get a couple of pretty wine glasses or champagne flutes, buy a nice bottle of wine or champagne and box that all up.

Hope this helps,

~gf~

Thanks for the suggestions everyone! I guess I shouldn't be so concerned and just go enjoy myself! I'll do like valanhb suggests and let him be a jerk by himself if he wants! Now what to wear.....

Where did they register? Just curious.

May I suggest a nice wedding album, or keepsake box for her flowers/veil/cake topper/what ever she wants to keep? That way it will be something they'll cherish (and actually use) for years to come.

My favorite spice place www.penzeys.com has several gift boxes of spice/herb sets with several price ranges.
Depending on who they bride/groom are I'll either give cash, a gift card to a store (do they have their own home-Home Depot/Sears card would be nice) Or something off a regristry. As I am a gardener and if they are home owners a good garden hose or sprinkler is handy (I'm too practical) Plus they should be on sale now!!

Skip the hand mixer We got 4 of them and had to give them away...

Do only what you can. Gift cards are so great especially if the couple gets gift cards from other folks from the same places...so if they get a total of 4 @ $25 each, they can that $100 silver set that wanted! It works out for everyone!

I also suggest the basket idea! I put baskets together as much as I can. I did one for my sister-in-law for Christmas when she got her new apartment with new cooking utensils and stuff like that, she loved it.

Anyone who gets cranky over a gift they receive isn't worthy of you or the gift that you give. So, don't take it personal if he gets offended--it obviously isn't your fault!

My very favorite wedding gift was a basket containing a variety of pairs of candles and some candle holders. There was a poem included that explained what occasion each of the candles was for...starting on your first married night in your new home and ending with your 25th anniversary. It wasn't very expensive, but it was so sweet and thoughtful I just loved it.

I've stolen the idea and used it myself. We usually give a check to the married couple, but I'll give a candle basket as well if I want to do something more personal.

I have the poem, and would be glad to PM it to anyone who wants it. Since I don't know where my friend got it, I'm reluctant to post it here. (I just read the copyright warning thread, and don't want to cause any trouble. )

I know when my brother and his wife registered they did like 3/4 cheaper things and 1/4 higher end for close family members or whatever. However, they were registered for a couple months so a week before the wedding the only things left were $$$ too.

Thanks for all the suggestions. We did end up going to Sears and getting a gift card.

They registered at Sears, Bed Bath & Beyond and one other place (which slips my mind at the moment, I just remember thinking 'isn't that place usually expensive?...I better check the others out.') We only have Sears so we had to get it online or in the store. It wasn't so much that Sears is expensive, but that the things they chose were expensive. I'm sure the quality is great and what not...oh well....they are getting a gift card and they can get what they want! It may only pay for 3/4 of one mixing bowl but it's the thought that counts right? I'm just not sure what my 'thought' is.... (that's kinda mean isn't it?....I really do want them to have a long and happy and healthy marriage.

I'm not normally bothered by people/things like I am by this for some reason???)

Originally Posted by MoochNNoodles

(that's kinda mean isn't it?....I really do want them to have a long and happy and healthy marriage.

I'm not normally bothered by people/things like I am by this for some reason???)

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No, it's not mean! I can understand your frustration with the registry. I have been in similar situations and have gone the gift basket route many times.

It comes down to that it was thoughtless of them not to include items in all price ranges on their registry.

On our wedding registry we put anything we could think of needing- down to a spatula, some tongs, a bathrug, and up to a KitchenAid stand mixer. We wanted to make sure that we didn't look greedy, but could at least give people ideas. We also wanted to make sure that we asked for stuff we needed- who doesn't need kitchen utensils? If all anyone could afford was $10, I didn't want them to feel guilty. I also never want anyone to think they have to buy us anything. I guess some people look at weddings as a time to cash in. I was just hoping to get kitched gagets.

I'm glad you were able to decide on a gift card. Those are good too. If the people don't like then it I suppose you've learned just what kind of people they are.