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So Sad

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Hey everbody. I'm a little blue today. Thought I'd share and see what others have to say. I'm getting married in 2 weeks. My kitty, Josie, is quite a challenge. She grew up with only me and she's very attatched to me. She's an alpha cat, persnickity princess, I want love on my terms, and when I want something, you get it for me now kind of cat. It's no secret that my fiance isn't too terribly fond of her, because she hisses at him all the time. He plays with her, gives her treats, etc. but she still hasn't totally warmed up to him. We are concerned about her behavior when children come along, but we're considering that a bridge we'll cross when we have to. Yesterday, both of my parents (at different times) tried to talk me into giving her up. They said she filled a void in my life and now that I'm getting married, I won't be alone anymore. I'm very concerned about taking her back to the humane society, if I had to. I asked the vet about this at her last visit. He said that if things didn't work out and I had to take her back there, she'd probably be deemed unadoptable and be put down because of her tempramental personality. I'd feel AWFUL with that hanging over my head if I had to do that. I love her DEARLY but the only person she really likes and gets along with is me. My fiance is willing to take her in because I get so upset when even discussing giving her up. Getting rid of her would make everyone else happy and just destroy me. What do I do?????
post #2 of 24
Don´t give your cat away. You will be unhappy, the cat will be unhappy and it will bring bad luck I think.. So, keep her.
post #3 of 24
Do what is right for you and your cat.
Not what everyone else thinks you should do.
post #4 of 24
I say give it some time. Maybe she will warm up to your finace. She's been the top cat for a while now and maybe she's intimidated by him. I would tell him just to keep trying -- and remember to be patient.
post #5 of 24
Don't give her up. I mean, it's not like she ATTACKS your fiancé. (I do think that would be different.) I'm guessing that part of the reason he loves you is that you are (obviously) the type of person who sticks to your committments, even when giving up would be easier. That's a great quality to hang onto going into a marriage, 'cause even the best ones get tough sometimes.
post #6 of 24
I would not giver her up either. All three of you will be having big changes and I would try to make it work.
Yrs ago when I first met Neil I had my first ever cat. There wasn't a personality problem but he was raised on a farm and they never had inside pets. There was never any thought to giving her up when we got married even though he wasn't fond of her.
She didn't like lots of people either but I never had a problem in that regard.
I wouldn't have felt terrible beyond belief if I would have had to part from her.
post #7 of 24
and hey too, my sil's cat hated my brother, but after living together a couple years the cat loooves him. In any case you have a responsibility to the cat to at least give it a go.
post #8 of 24
You'll be sorry if you give her up. You know that already. It's really and truly none of your parents' business anyways. As long as your fiance is ok with her (and it sounds like he really is trying to make friends with her) then there's really nothing to worry about. The only people whose opinions count in this situation are yours and his, and of course, the cat. If you're both fine with her, then keep her. I have a cat like that, and I was a bit concerned about how she'd be when our daughter was born, but it's been fine all around. Gizmo has scratched her a couple times, but you can't have cats and not expect scratches from time to time. I just wash them out and remind her not to pick on the kitty. My MIL thinks we should get rid of ALL of the animals, except maybe the fish, on account of DD getting a scratch from time to time, but the benefits she gets from being raised around animals far outweigh some little scratches. She's the most compassionate, caring little kid I've ever been around.That has to stem from all the animals around here that need love and care. Her biggest thrill is when I give her a cup of food for one of the animals so she can feed them. Kids and pets are a great combination!

Amber
post #9 of 24
I would never give my cat up either. Be patient...she may never learn to love your soon to be husband, but I'm sure she'll learn to tolerate him...and that's ok...she's your kitty and she loves you.
post #10 of 24
^Yeah, that

My boyfriends's mom believes that cats or all pets for that matter are disposable, temporary. Only true cat lovers/pet lovers know that is not the case.

It's tough because you see a sweet side of your kitty, and she is for lack of a better term, selfish. But that's OK, because cats are like that . I figure, my cats are my children now and if I have children in the future, I will need to make a way for them to coexist.

Some ideas:

~ I know your BF has been giving her treats and trying the positive association thing with her. That's great. has he tried playing with her? I know my cats like me better when I break out the extra special toys and give them even just 15 minutes

~ When you guys aren't home, try to get her used to his scent. Like a pair of sweaty socks (I know, ick! LOL) or workout shirt that he has. Try putting it in a bed or a place she lies down in so she can get used to it

Other than that, patience is the key. Right now he's a *threat* to her territory and regular way of life, so he needs to be seen as someone fun and loving and someone she can trust. Good luck
post #11 of 24
Quote:
Yesterday, both of my parents (at different times) tried to talk me into giving her up. They said she filled a void in my life and now that I'm getting married, I won't be alone anymore
And what does that have to do with your cat?? Ask them if you're supposed to give up your family too since your husband is now your family? Or your friends since your spouse is supposed to be your friend too? Or your work cause your ....never mind...you catch my drift. Pets are not something to fill a "void". They are living feeling creatures that are not disposable.

Hmmmmm...I wonder if they would tell you to give up a child if that child didn't get along with your spouse?? My cats ARE my children and they are part of the package.
post #12 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweets
And what does that have to do with your cat?? Ask them if you're supposed to give up your family too since your husband is now your family? Or your friends since your spouse is supposed to be your friend too? Or your work cause your ....never mind...you catch my drift. Pets are not something to fill a "void". They are living feeling creatures that are not disposable.

Hmmmmm...I wonder if they would tell you to give up a child if that child didn't get along with your spouse?? My cats ARE my children and they are part of the package.
I totally agree. When I married dh 12 years ago, my oldest child didn't like him much. They never did get along real well, but no one ever suggested I get rid of her!

After the wedding, you can post in the behavior thread, and get some ideas on how to help kitty accept him a little better. Poor little girl, just because she isn't the friendliest creature on earth is no reason to lose the one person she loves! My Festus was born at my house, and loved and cuddled from birth, but sometimes acts like a crochety old bag, at 1 year old! But like your cat, she deserves for me to fulfill my commitment made when I "adopted" her. (She was initially a foster, but wasn't adopted out, so I decided to keep her!)

The fact that you post this question on a cat board shows what answer you want. And that your fiancee understands your commitment to this cat shows that he is a good person!
post #13 of 24
I agree with Sweets too. I don't want to sound mean or anything, but ARE YOUR PARENTS OUT OF THEIR MINDS???
1) You love your cat
2) Your cat is your responsibility
3) Your cat loves you
4) Your cat will likely be destroyed if you give him up

I think you know the answer, you just wanted some back-up. Well, you came to the right place. You KNOW you don't want to give up your cat. Just remove it from your list of options.
post #14 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockcat
I agree with Sweets too. I don't want to sound mean or anything, but ARE YOUR PARENTS OUT OF THEIR MINDS???
1) You love your cat
2) Your cat is your responsibility
3) Your cat loves you
4) Your cat will likely be destroyed if you give him up

I think you know the answer, you just wanted some back-up. Well, you came to the right place. You KNOW you don't want to give up your cat. Just remove it from your list of options.
My only advice is to continue to be apprciative of your fiance's willingness to be supportive of your keeping the cat!! Believe me, during the course of a lifetime together, you will have PLENTY of opportunities to return the favor!!
post #15 of 24
Heather, don't do something to make someone else happy...if your finance is willing to be patient (good man!), that is all that counts. Trust me, when I married, my cats had had only me in their lives, it took a few years, but even my "I don't need you...who are you??" cats came to love and adore him. He is quite a cat lover and has just been patient and loving, and most of all, accepting.

I have to tell you, I was once advised, by my mother no less, to get rid of my cats and then I'd find someone. I remember saying, "So...get rid of the cats I love and that are such a special part of my life, and then tell the man I'm dating, that I adore cats??" Illogical to say the least, imho.

Keep her, love her, she may surprise your finance yet (in a nice way!)
post #16 of 24
Aw sweetie - don't give up your baby because everyone thinks you should. She's a very special littlre creature in your life - it would be like asking you to give up a child. It shows an awful lot that your fiance is willing to keep on trying with her. Keep at it, and I'm sure she'll eventually come around.
post #17 of 24
Definitly don't give up
post #18 of 24
i gree u shouldnt give up your cat.can u get your OH to start feeding your cat?? might help.
post #19 of 24
Do not give up your cat (thats just like giving your child away coz it doesnt get on with anyone in your family)
You would be misserable your whole life! (i know i would be).
post #20 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by GratefulBear629
I say give it some time. Maybe she will warm up to your finace. She's been the top cat for a while now and maybe she's intimidated by him. I would tell him just to keep trying -- and remember to be patient.
And what if....she is the only "kid" you ever have?.....Like you said...you can cross that bridge when you come to it.
post #21 of 24
This is silly. You don't need this sort of emotional pressure added just before a wedding.

Your cat is your family. Of course you don't give her up!

Just ask your parents, once you have one baby, does that mean you don't need your husband any more? Or when you have a second one, do you give up the first one? There's plenty of room in your heart to love family, husband, pets and anything else that comes along!
post #22 of 24
As long as your fiance is willing to work with her, it doesn't matter what anyone else says. When I got married, I had a cat who had spent all of her life with me and only me. She spent the first 5 years of our marriage hissing at my husband. But he was patient with her and started brushing her a little every day. She never was really cuddly with him but when he had a brush, he was her favorite for the last 3 years of her life.

Good luck and don't give her up based on your parents opinion.
post #23 of 24
I think I would be looking at it as she was in your life first, why would you want to give her up, that shouldn't even be a question from anyone for you to do that. If someone else can't accept my cats then I'd probably have to say no wedding, she was part of your family first
post #24 of 24
Thread Starter 
Thanks everybody. I knew I could count on cat people for some back-up.
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