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I really need some support right now. - Page 6

post #151 of 155
Thread Starter 
Well now that the weekend is coming to a close I thought I'd share my fairly insane last few days with you all.

Thursday night Tiff and I went to that party I mentioned and had a BLAST. We really had such a great time and enjoyed ourselves fully. It was amazing to let loose like that. Unfortunately I only managed 4 hours of sleep that night because I woke up in the morning with anxiety and couldn't fall back to sleep. On Friday, after I had taken care of my responsibilities, my neighbor Josh asked me if I would be up for gong skimboarding with him, Derek, and Eric in some puddles along a golf course nearby (today is the first day it hasn't rained at some point for about 2 weeks now). I thought it sounded really random, but like something taht would be fun so I went. We skimboarded at the course for a while and then randomly made the decision to drive to the beach. Mind you, the closest beach to Orlando is Cocoa and that's about 45 minutes away. So, we randomly go to Cocoa and hang out there for a few hours. After getting back some time at night we decide to head to a movie (now it's me, Eric, Tiff, Josh, Derek, and Zack). Turns out the movie is sold out and as we start walking back to my car we realize that Brendan was there and had LITERALLY parked 2 spots away from me. My mood totally changed. I was angry and sad, all because of seeing his car. It just made me feel that pain of maybe never sitting in it next to him as his girlfriend again, and of course my mind jumped to, "Did he come with a girl?" Luckily my friends managed to cheer me up a bit later and we ended up watching Animal House. That night I only got in 3 hours of sleep and had to work at the center the next day. Saturday was TOTALLY crazy and I began to feel like I hadn't stopped for DAYS. I worked at the center, went to lunch with some friends, bought my halloween costume, and took a random road trip to Gainesville with Eric, Derek, Josh, and Tiff for one of the boys friends birthdays. So Tiff and I actually didn't go to Club Paris. We instead took this two hour drive with them, got there at 11pm and then came back to Orlando the same night, arriving at 630 this morning. It was a total blast but I really need some sleep!!!!! I have had so much fun hanging out with all of the guys. I haven't been spontaneous in so long that I had forgotten what a spontaneous person I can be. This weekend has truly been great.

Tiff and Eric both told me that they talked to Brendan today. Tiff really got into the details about it, but I didn't really ask Eric for any. It sounds like he's finally starting to share his feelings with others. He told Tiff that he had just lost his passion to be in a relationship, and to be with me...which sounds like what you guys were saying about unrealistic expectations on his part as far as how a relationship should be. But it just hurts to hear that someone isn't in love with you anymore. He told Tiff taht he's been crying a lot and getting sick. Apparently it's hard to not have me around because I was what always comforted him. He also said that he thinks we'll need to talk about things at some point because we'll need to be able to hang out with each other since we have so many mutual friends. I'm sticking to my guns though and not calling him. If he thinks we need to talk so badly then he needs to call me. At this point it's definitely clear to me that we won't be together for at least a veryyyyyyyyyy long time, if at all. At this point that pill is a little hard to swallow though. It's like it gets lodged somewhere in the middle of rational thought and actual acceptance.

It feels good to have gotten to tell someone about my crazy weekend and the way I'm feeling at the moment. My life just feels really crazy right now. Like I just don't know where I'm going or what I'm doing. This is my current state of mind:
post #152 of 155
You are doing fine. Keep fighting those urges to call him, though.

Sounds like a pretty fun weekend. You will probably feel disconnected for awhile, but just take one day at a time
post #153 of 155
You are doing great! Chris is right - resist the urge to call him.

is a lot better than
post #154 of 155
I am so glad you have been surrounding yourself with friends and enjoying the past few days. That is great to hear. I am proud of you for resisting the urge to call him.
post #155 of 155
Keep your chin up, this will pass.
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