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What to you do?

post #1 of 26
Thread Starter 
I am at the end of my rope with this. I dont know how many other ways to tell Steve that I need to spend more time with him or he at least needs to CALL ME when he is going to be as late as he was today. AGAIN. *sighs*
Anyways he was supposed to work from open-5 today. Than head out and pick up a MO for me for horse board.

Well it gets to be about 8 oclock. No sign of him. no voice mail at work (like i always ask him to leave) nothing.. so i am getting super worried. well he comes walking in the door at 8:24 like nothings wrong. His big reason for being so late? "I had to wait for a deal to roll" AGAIN that is always the reason. and 3 hours? 3 HOURS! I would hand it off to someone else after an hour. *sighs*

We dont get to spend anytime together. Hes always more concerned about whats going on at guitar center and is becoming less and less interested at home.
post #2 of 26
Can you say " lay it on the line?" tell him how you feel and how it is upsetting you. Give it to him in one fell swoop, don't sugar coat it, don't lie, just put it out there for him to see. If he really cares, he'll change. if not, then well.......
post #3 of 26
My bf does the exact same thing. After I called him sobbing at 4am because he wasn't home yet and hadn't bothered to leave a message he started wising up. It didn't help that it always used to be 20 minutes (HOW DOES 20 MINUTES TURN INTO 6 HOURS!?) Unfortunately his work just takes over like that sometimes. I've told him I'll be less angry at him if he at least calls me to let me know he will be late. So now he is at least calling me more, even if he still rarely gets home before 7-8.

I'm not sure I helped. Try sobbing maybe?
post #4 of 26
Thread Starter 
Oh i have been sobbing. I am not as mad if he calls me either. but thats been a battle too. Got new cell phones maybe that will help I dont know. I just feel like right now the job is more important. I know its because he wants to make a living. I know his hearts in the right place and he doesnt want me working so much..but
post #5 of 26
My husband it the same way!!! I am so at him lately. I don't know what to do anymore...
post #6 of 26
Originally Posted by ScamperFarms
Oh i have been sobbing. I am not as mad if he calls me either. but thats been a battle too. Got new cell phones maybe that will help I dont know. I just feel like right now the job is more important. I know its because he wants to make a living. I know his hearts in the right place and he doesnt want me working so much..but
I understand. I deeply resent Kirby's work, especially when he has to go in on weekends or doesn't come home until 4-5am. But sometimes I'd rather have less money and more time with him.
post #7 of 26
Thread Starter 
I would much rather have less money. plus that would mean the wicked witch whos getting HALF his check right now would get less...GRRR
post #8 of 26
Originally Posted by ScamperFarms
Oh i have been sobbing. I am not as mad if he calls me either. but thats been a battle too. Got new cell phones maybe that will help I dont know. I just feel like right now the job is more important. I know its because he wants to make a living. I know his hearts in the right place and he doesnt want me working so much..but
It hurts doesn't it? I'm celebrating 18 years this upcoming Monday and I can totally empathize with you! I suggest you tell Steve what you are feeling and why. He's not a mind reader and is obviously unaware of how hurt you are feeling. If after discussing that with him he continues to disregard how you feel, then maybe you should give him an ultimatum. Just my 2 cents. Been there, still doing it! It comes and goes.
post #9 of 26
Thread Starter 
I have told him how i feel. and its not that he is disreguarding it. or doesnt care. it just doesnt seem to change anything...oh well at least i got some chocolates.. :/
post #10 of 26
Okay I aint dr Phil..hehe.. but I would suggest a date night that he has to attend where you can talk ... and just hang ...
post #11 of 26
Been there, done that.

I'm the last person to give advice though because I handled it very poorly.
I became passive aggressive about it.

Hope you find some way to make him understand.
post #12 of 26
Thread Starter 
well we had a long talk. Sunday is going to be US day for the morning. I know he has to go to band practice and I have to work for four hours. I think i might go to band practice with him. He watches football and Nascar on sundays but he agreed sunday night after band to watch a sappy movie with me.
post #13 of 26
Yippy that is progress
post #14 of 26
Thread Starter 
Yeah lets just hope he sticks too it. big bla head lol
post #15 of 26
I hope everything works out.......

But most importantly....please please please...do not compromise your feelings..... if something hurts you...you need to YELL it outloud....ya know what I am saying......

I understand that it is a step in the right direction that you guys are gonna watch a "sappy" movie together on Sunday.... but please dont let it end there...even if everything is fine and dandy on Sunday...this issue needs to be addressed.....

sorry i just think ou're super cool, and i would hate for someone to take your sweet nature for granted....

just please please please stick up for yourself...belive me it works.... John never pulls this kinda crap with me....and a big part of that has to do with the fact that we are honest with eachother all the time...

good luck on sunday
post #16 of 26
My bf always contacts me when he's going to be late and gives me an apporximation of what time to expect him because he doesn't want me worrying. I could not imagine him coming home late every night without calling me to say he'll be home late. I do not think I would hang around for very long if that were the case.
post #17 of 26
Thread Starter 
well so far today he has called twice to check on me and see how i was. So thats a good thing. I think one of the biggest issues we are working with is. Steve being 10 years my senior, has been married twice. And neither woman really cared. Hes not used to someone careing, so we are working on it.

Its not that he doesnt love me and that he doesnt care for me. Hes a wonderfull guy. We are working on the small things before they become large ones. He really did listen to me last night and has made an effort to be more affectionate today. My feet hurt so bad right now, LOL. ah well I had fun at the Husky Hike
post #18 of 26
I feel for you. When Neil takes a day off he would go up and work on the farm, then stop and visit one of his sisters, start driving home then stop at one of his brothers-then they would play cards for a hour or so!!!! Once at 11:30 I called his sister to find out where he was-he had left her house several hours earlier and just so happened to drive into the garage while I was on the phone with his sister. I keep trying to remind him to pick up the phone and call me so I know what's going on. I don't mind that he is doing this stuff just the fact I do not know where he is.
I can't seem to ge that through his thick skull!!! Its got to me the midwest men???
Simply maddening!!!!
I hope communication improves between you two...
BTW how did the dog thing go today???
post #19 of 26
Thread Starter 
Steves a southern man LOl so it must just be men in general.

The dog thing went GREAT! Isis had a BLAST! and shes tuckered now very very tuckered. So am I. It was a three mile hike and when i got home I had to take Athena to the lake for a walk so she didnt feel left out.
post #20 of 26
Glad you had a good time today...hope the rest of the weekend is just as good.
post #21 of 26
Well, I had to re-train Sunny , I think it's a leftover from bachelorhood (this applies to steady, live-in BF's as well) when they were footloose and fancy-free and didn't have anybody to worry about them. I think with me it was after *I* went off a few times and on purpose didn't do the ET thing ("Phone home...") Point driven home . And he knows now that I worry about him commuting on the bike (motorcycle) to work, and he will call me when he gets in, just for a minute or two is all it takes, and if he goes off will call me before he sets out home so that if he's overly late (I wouldn't start to worry unless he was more than an hour overdue) I can "set the wheels in motion" as it were.
post #22 of 26
Aww I'm glad things are looking up a bit, I hope you enjoy your sappy movie!
post #23 of 26
Hey there!!, I'm glad to hear that some progress is being made. I hope your weekend is a nice relaxing one
post #24 of 26
Thread Starter 
well he called me to let me know he was going to be late tonight. So thats a plus. of course he woke me up, LOL so i was a grump. oh well hehehe I am gonna make him do kitty boxes topnight lol
post #25 of 26
Now mine is just the other way around, alway's calls alway's lets me know if he stuck in traffic whatever, tells me he Loves me all the time. I was married at 16 the first time for 34 years when my first hubby passed away I figured I just be alone, then I met my hubby now he is 8 yrs younger was a bacthlor for 12 years, spent 26 yrs in the Navy, he's an Engineer, and has more integrity then anyone I have ever met, he's a wonderful person, he was married twice before has a 21 yr old daughter, my daughters are 41, 40, and 37. He's a great proivder but he doesn't like to do anything fun He's like boreing I Love him Dearly and if he doesn't want to go see my son-in-law or my grandson's bands play I just say alrighty then, I'll see ya, I guess when you get older all things don't seem like they used to We have been married for 8 years now, his Daughter is due to have a baby in November his 1st grand baby, I have 5 one that is 18, two that are 17 one that is 14 one that is 10, so we'll see how that goes Oh and another thing this man WILL NOT agrue AT ALL I miss that
post #26 of 26
My husband used to be the exact same way. It seemed to finally click when I told him that, it wasn't that I didn't trust him or really, frankly, cared where he was or who he was with in his spare time, but that if he didn't call me when he said he was going to it made me afraid something bad had happened. Of course, he didn't think that was a possibility until late at work one night building a set he almost cut his thumb off with a circ saw--and didn't call to tell me he was on his way to the hospital! The next morning when I FINALLY got a hold of him and read him the riot act it sort of sunk in!
I'm sure he's not ignoring you on purpose, men just truly aren't as concerned with communicating as we women are! My husband's childhood best friend lives in Seattle and they only talk about 4 times a year--but they're still best friends, somehow! It's a guy thing!
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