Got this in an email today and thought I'd share.
Men are like slinkies.......not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the
stairs.
~~~
"Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they
already know everything." -Unknown
~~~
Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it for a
while...it isn't so hot.
~~~
"I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the
end and think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'"
~~~
"If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and
can't tell who the sucker is, it's you." -Paul Newman.
~~~
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
~~~
"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every
table had an argument going." -- George Carlin
~~~
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
~~~
"You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so
you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall
over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that
all the time." -Steven Wright
~~~
"According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice
about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they
notice about men is they're a bunch of liars." - Anonymous
~~~
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. - Larry Baum
~~~
"All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism." - North DeKalb
~~~
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
~~~
I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling.
~~~
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.
~~~
"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have
come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the
first." - Ronald Reagan
~~~
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers
exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will
instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre
and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this
has already happened." - Douglas Adams
~~~
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?
~~~
Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an
appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
~~~
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to
anyone, but they've always worked for me."
- Hunter S. Thompson
~~~
"You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here
legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as
long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two
days late with a video and these people are all over you. Let's
put Blockbuster in charge of immigration." - Jay Leno
Men are like slinkies.......not really good for anything, but you
still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the
stairs.
~~~
"Every teenager should get a high school education. Even if they
already know everything." -Unknown
~~~
Marriage is like taking a hot bath. After you've been in it for a
while...it isn't so hot.
~~~
"I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the
end and think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'"
~~~
"If you're playing a poker game and you look around the table and
can't tell who the sucker is, it's you." -Paul Newman.
~~~
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.
~~~
"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every
table had an argument going." -- George Carlin
~~~
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one
talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.
~~~
"You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so
you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall
over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that
all the time." -Steven Wright
~~~
"According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice
about a women are their eyes. And women say the first thing they
notice about men is they're a bunch of liars." - Anonymous
~~~
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. - Larry Baum
~~~
"All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism." - North DeKalb
~~~
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
~~~
I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling.
~~~
In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take prozac to make it normal.
~~~
"Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have
come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the
first." - Ronald Reagan
~~~
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers
exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will
instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre
and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this
has already happened." - Douglas Adams
~~~
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes
a whole box to start a campfire?
~~~
Doctors can be frustrating. You wait a month-and-a-half for an
appointment, and he says, "I wish you'd come to me sooner."
~~~
"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to
anyone, but they've always worked for me."
- Hunter S. Thompson
~~~
"You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here
legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as
long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two
days late with a video and these people are all over you. Let's
put Blockbuster in charge of immigration." - Jay Leno
