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Am I that horrible of a person?

post #1 of 57
Thread Starter 
I am so upset right now, I am in tears. More of y'all already saw this thread so you know the history of my situation with Sara, the other advocate.

I sent an email reminder to Sara that she'll need to do something slightly different with our on-call phones on Weds. (long story). So she sends me an email saying "Is that a command or a suggestion?" and my exact reply was, "Just wanted to make sure that you'd know to come by either before or after the training that day to forward the phone whenever you see fit since that is your domain now." Nothing mean in that, right?

So here's her reply, "What would make you think, that I don't know that you take calls starting on Wednesday? That's my point, I don't need you to think for me. I am capable of thinking for myself. I don't need you to give me commands nor will I accept any, if you have a suggestion to make there is an appropriate way to handle that also. Yes, my office is my domain, and I do not appreciate you or anyone coming in and acting as if I'm not here. There is a way to treat people. You would not appreciate someone coming into your office and acting as if you were not sitting there. If you wish I'm sure you may ask to have the main line put into your office and you be responsible for forwarding all calls, that would be wonderful. "

I am just in shock. Floored. Did not see that coming. Am I so horrible as to warrant such a venomous reply? Thank God I can shut the door to my office and have privacy b/c I just cannot stop crying right now . And there's nothing I hate more than when MEAN people get to me so badly that I cry. I did not reply to that email whatsoever because I did not want to stoop to her level of nastiness. But I hate sitting back and saying nothing because she'll think she got the better of me.

Any suggestions on what to do/how to handle her? I'm all ears....
Thanks guys.
post #2 of 57
NO Amy you are not horrible. You know we all love ya here.

Me-thinks your co-worker may either have PMS, or perhaps she had a very bad weekend?

PMS causes people to get snappy! Bad weekends causes "a case of the Mondays", too.

People say stuff in emails they'd not dare say to people's faces. So she probably said stuff she didn't mean, wouldn't mean; and if you go to her in person to tell her how ya feel, I'm sure she'll understand (even tho y'all had problems in the past).

Or you could just offer her a Midol and a piece of chocolate.
post #3 of 57
I'm so sorry that this woman is still causing you problems..I only see 2 solutions here. One is to take a deep breath and to talk calmly to her, explaining to her your intentions etc..If that doesn't work you might need to consult a higher authority (boss, or another fellow co-worker). I know from expeirence that tension in the workplace can make you miserable. I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted.
post #4 of 57


I guess she doesn't understand how important the phone line thing is??
I would have sent a reminder too. But perhaps go to your supervisor and maybe she could do the reminder maybe she doesn't like hearing it from you?
She doesn't sound like a team player and from what I understand your job does involve teamwork. (plus perhaps she's a control freak??)
Does she have anything else in her office that you or anyone else uses??
I would get that clarified too.

Good luck......

post #5 of 57
Originally Posted by darkeyedgirl
NO Amy you are not horrible. You know we all love ya here.

Me-thinks your co-worker may either have PMS, or perhaps she had a very bad weekend?
...you´re not a horrible person! .....listen to her! I support this!!!

post #6 of 57

Maybe she's lonely and has made no friends since she moved here?? It she single-maybe she needs to go on a blind date (or even better a double date w/you and the captain )

Just a suggestion??????
post #7 of 57
Amy, she has no right to treat you like this. None. She owns the problem, not you. The negativity she has is a reflection of her, not you.

I would forward the entire correspondence to your supervisor to keep her appraised of the situation with Sara. Don't request anything be done about it at the moment, but say that after the meeting that Sara requested you wanted to keep (your supervisor) up to date with the situation. Keep on top of the situation, and keep your supervisor up on the situation so that if/when it gets worse or comes to a head your supervisor isn't blindsided by it thinking it was all taken care of in the meeting last week.
post #8 of 57
Thread Starter 
Thanks Stephanie and Tracy
Stephanie- LOL about the chocolate and Midol! Unfortunately, I think it is neither a PMS nor bad weekend thing as I have seen her laughing and joking with other people in the office. This is a her not liking me thing, unfortunately.

Tracy, I agree with you on both pieces of advice. The first one is out of the question (for now anyway) because, knowing me, I'd just end up crying and blabbering (this kind of stuff makes me VERY emotional) and I do NOT want to give her ANY of that satisfaction. Our sup is out of town this week (which may be why she feels she has free reign to crap on me like this), but I did print out the entire history of that email, in case I do need to show it to her. I do not want to get nasty and do things behind her back, but honestly right now I don't know what other choice I have .
post #9 of 57
Amy, I remember reading your post about the phone set up. Don't you guys take turns switching the phones and answering after hours? Whose responsibility is actually switching the phone to "after hours mode"?
I understand how important it is that it is switched. I also understand that you do your job very well and want to make sure that everything is covered. But in this situation with your co-worker, you might need to let her mess up a few times so your boss can handle it. I know that will be hard since it is so important for you people to be able to get in touch with someone but your only other option would be to go in and speak to your boss about having the phone moved to your office.... The only thing I don't like about that option is that unltimately your coworker has won because she doesn't have to do it anymore and who knows what that will lead to.
You didn't do anything wrong though and it is ovbious that this girl has a problem. She doesn't seem to know how to work with other people very well at all. If you can go out and eat a nice lunch, get a Starbucks Frapachino, and cheer up Don't let her see you cry... She seems to be a very unhappy person and you don't want someone like that ruining your day
post #10 of 57

I am so sorry to hear that! YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON!! It's obvous that she's out to get you and make your life as miserable as possible.

That's what my DEAR co worker has been doing for the past year and he CONSTANTLY twists whatever I say to make it sound like I'm controlling and horrible. I used to get upset about that and took it personally. HE has really told me off several times via emails, etc. You can read about THAT story at this link- sounds sooo much like your co worker! http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/showthread.php?t=51362

However, after another co worker (GREAT FRIEND) sat me down and gave me a talking, I realized it was HIS problem and not MY PROBLEM. Now, I just ignore his behavior OR tell him if he has an issue to take it up with my boss (of course I try to talk to my boss FIRST to get my side of the story in) and that tends to shut my dear co worker up for a while.

Since it sounds like this is getting worse, maybe you should talk with your supervisor and come up with a solution to this where you won't have to deal with her as much? That's what I did- I keep records of emails and conversations and share with my boss if really needed. My boss now makes sure that I am not placed with this specific co worker on projects. The only times I have to work with him is regarding fairs which I coordinate and he's on a committee under me so that's the only time I really work with him.

Since she suggested you take care of the phone calls, would that work? If you feel that's too much work, maybe negogiate with your boss and have another task assigned to her while you take care of all the phone calls? Is that workable? Just an idea...

I am so sorry about this! Sounds like she and my co worker is a match in heaven!
post #11 of 57
Originally Posted by darkeyedgirl
NO Amy you are not horrible. You know we all love ya here.

Me-thinks your co-worker may either have PMS, or perhaps she had a very bad weekend?

PMS causes people to get snappy! Bad weekends causes "a case of the Mondays", too.

post #12 of 57
Thread Starter 
Thanks Gail, Rigel,Heidi, Tanya, Pamela, and Susie!!

Actually, y'all may be proud of me here....as I was typing my last post on this thread, I got ANOTHER email from her saying that she wants to meet with me to discuss case division and, if I do not respond to that request, she said, "I will be forced to proceed to a higher authority." Well, this just enraged me. The tears dried up LIKE THAT and adreneline took over.

I went down to her office and just let it all loose (didn't yell or anything, just let her know in a VERY professional way how her recent actions have made me feel and how I have felt both attacked AND that I felt she has been trying to make me look bad in front of our supervisor. She told me that she has always found it best to involve supervisors from the very start (rather than us handle things between the two of us, as I prefer) and that she will continue to include LaVerne in conversations when she feels that there are problems arising.

I told her that I'm sorry she mistakes my actions as trying to command her. I explained that, while I'm at work, my #1 concern is our services to clients and I will do whatever I can to ensure that our service to clients is at the forefront (even if that includes fretting over the on-call phones). But I told her from here on out, the on-call phone is her concern and her concern only and if it does not get forwarded properly, it's on her. She agreed to that and then I left her office.

My legs were shaking uncontrollably and my hands were balled up in fists when I spoke to her, but I got through it without crying! I'm still just so angry at her, but I also kinda feel like doing a jig for standing up for myself!

PS- Tanya, I agree about letting her mess up the phone. As I said in the other thread, I'm just waiting for her to shoot herself in the foot. What she DOESN'T know is that I've given all of the important agencies our direct cell phone #s. That way, if she forgets to forward the phone, they can still reach us after-hours . So even if she screws things up, our services to clients will not be affected!
post #13 of 57
Thread Starter 
Pamela- you're right, our evil coworkers are a match made in heaven . I feel so much for what you're going through, too .

The phone thing is impossible to change for a couple of reasons (#1 being that all of our literature already has her office # listed as the on-call # and there is no way we're changing offices ('nother long story)). But, as I told her and as she has insisted, the on-call phone is COMPLETELY her domain now, so we'll see how it goes!
post #14 of 57

Betcha it felt good telling her off in a professional way! Now, let's see how long it takes for her to screw up!!!! *evil laughter*

That's what I am doing with my co worker- watching him, crossing my fingers that he will screw up bigtime and offend some important people and face the consquences!
post #15 of 57
Originally Posted by ugaimes
Thanks Gail, Rigel,Heidi, Tanya, Pamela, and Susie!!!
You welcomed chick!
you´re a wonderful person AMY! and keep out of mind that thougths! .......
post #16 of 57
What a *itch! Her, not you. I would rcommend just letting her fall on her butt on her own. Since you have been there awhile, I bet your sup knows that you perform your job in a professional, concientious manner, and any mistakes will obviously be made on her end. Good idea printing out the emails, just in case she tries to change things around on you. The comment about believing in letting the supervisors handle problems from the start leads me to believe she has had plenty of experience with problems in the workplace. It really stinks that you have to put up with her nastiness, but she is going to have enough rope to hang herself eventually.
post #17 of 57
Oh Amy! I understand how bad it is not being able to get along with a coworker. I used to have the coworker from hell also. We actually went for 4 months not speaking. Kind of tough to do since our desks were side by side and we were the only two in the department!

I totally agree with Heidi that you should forward this NOW to your supervisor. You don't want her to be blindsided, and judging from what your co-worker said, she may have sent it already with her own spin on it.

I agree that she is eventually going to shoot herself in the foot.

As far as confronting her, you go girl!
post #18 of 57
Good girl! You sound so much like me in handling confrontation. No matter how angry I get my first instinct is to cry. It just comes out. I have gotten better at standing up for myself over the past few years though. I actually had a problem with someone last week and I wasn't mean, but stood up for myself. My hands were shaking the whole time but I did it without crying. I was so proud of myself
post #19 of 57
I'm going to agree with Heidi. NO ONE has the right to treat you like this, no matter how annoying they think your reminders are. I'm guessing you had a pretty good reason to double check with her on the phone-line thing, and she just blew it way out of proportion.

we all love you here! Not one of us thinks you're a horrible person!!
post #20 of 57
Maybe you should forward a copy of the email with your original email and her nasty reply to it, to your supervisor. Man she sounds like a real you-know-what. And she is the new kid on the block. Wow. Good luck
post #21 of 57

You go girlfriend!!!!
post #22 of 57
Originally Posted by krazy kat2
What a *itch! Her, not you. I would rcommend just letting her fall on her butt on her own.

I have been lurking through this thread, I'm sure most of us have some nightmare coworker stories...but I think of a line my boyfriend's grandfather once said...give an idiot enough rope, they'll hang themselves.

It sounds like she needs a good dose of that. But I am sorry you are going through this (((HUGS)))
post #23 of 57
Thread Starter 
Wow, thank you guys so much for all of the kind words and advice! I love you guys so much and honestly, on days like today (since Bradley is 50 miles offshore and can't be reached by phone ), I don't know what I would do without y'all.

So is the majority consensus that I should go ahead and forward the entire email (that includes the original email plus all of our responses) to our sup?

Karen- ouch. I cannot imagine how uncomfortable it would be to go so long without speaking to the person whose desk is right next to yours!
post #24 of 57
Way to go Amy! I'm so glad that you went and spoke your mind to that nasty, obviously ineffective personally, girl. You did exactly what I was going to suggest! Lots of and a big on that one! I absolutely think you should forward the whole email to your supervisor. Now taht you know how she likes to handle things, taking it up with the sup first, you can handle things in the same manner. Amy!!!
post #25 of 57
Honestly, some people are just irrational and can't work in a group setting because they're so defensive--she sounds like that kind of person!

Take the emails, forward them to your boss, not to rat on her but just to say "whad the heck do I do now?". Your boss needs to know that she's making your job this difficult. I mean, is this how she treats her clients, too?

Sounds to me like she needs a major attitude adjustment, or she should find another job!
post #26 of 57
Thread Starter 
I did it! I sent LaVerne the email that contains all of our correspondence today. I hope it does not backfire on me.

This is how I prefaced the email to her:

"Hi LaVerne,

I contemplated whether or not to show this to you, but I feel that it is best that you are aware of how things are now. You can see the progression of the email by starting at the very bottom of the email and scrolling up.

I felt a lot of hostility and defensiveness coming from Sara's emails and, in all honesty, it is making me uncomfortable. While I realize that a coworker like Susan is one in a million, I made every effort when Sara started to make her feel welcome her in any way possible.

I truly do not understand why she is so upset with me, but so be it. After a lot of contemplation, I felt it best that I shared this communication with you in it's entirety so that you can be abreast of the situation."
post #27 of 57
Looks good!
I hope you can get this situation cleared up soon.
post #28 of 57
I'd say that sound GREAT!!!!!! Way to go! I agree that this is the right way to go and I really like how you worded your email to your supervisor- very professional!
post #29 of 57
Thread Starter 
That is such a relief to hear that y'all think my email to our sup was good. WHEW! She's out of the office until Thursday, but I'll let y'all know how she responds once she's back!
post #30 of 57
I was trying to reply to this when my internet went out, but basically I think she's awful and rude, and she needs to respect your seniority at the business- you're obviously only trying to help her, and you were the one that helped her get the job and find a home. I was going to tell you to talk to your Supervisor ASAP because she's got no right to talk down to you like that and practivcally ream you for trying to ensure that your clients have their needs met.
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