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Ash needs cyber hugs :(

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
Hiya gang,

I'm feeling so lost at the mo, and could do with some advice. Firstly I upped sticks and left London to move up here to be near my brother, as he is the only family member I get on with, and I missed him and his family so much.
I was really unsure having been born and bred in London, and it was a scary choice to make, but they encouraged us 100% and we made the move, We did say if we come up you won't move away will you, they was like no we love it here, we'll be here for life.
So anyway I now get a phone call, they are moving away, right up north! I feel abandoned, we don't know a soul here, we left our jobs and friends behind and apart from going back to seeing them maybe once or twice a year i'm so angry, I mean of course I want them to be happy but I feel like I made that move and now you're leaving me!

But that's not all My daughter wants to start a course at college, the only one which has that specific course is 160 miles away, so she will be moving away to study! I know she is 18 now but it feels like my heart has been pulled out my chest! I know you have to let them find their own way in life, but aren't they always your babies?
I have spent nights sobbing myself to sleep, and to make it worse she leaves next sunday, and my brother the week after. She can cook, wash and iron and is responsible and mature and has secured a job for the days she isn't at college, but you can't help worrying, and because we are so close I'm going to miss her so much its tearing me apart I feel like this isn't a trip and she's coming back, I feel this is the start of her adult life and i'll be lucky to see her a few times a year.

So how did you deal with your children leaving home? did you make them a package with essentials to take with them? did you send them money 'just incase'? and as for my brother issue do I have any right to be upset?

I'd appreciate any views you may have, to help me cope!
post #2 of 22
You must be so proud of your daughter. You have spent her entire life teaching her the morals and values she will forever carry with her. Sierra, Serenity and I send you great big hugs during this challenging time.
post #3 of 22
Thread Starter 
Thank you!

I know she can more than look after herself, I guess it's the letting go part. I know we have to and we have to let them make a life and future for themselves, I guess being the only child I have it's harder as there are no siblings left behind to keep me busy.
post #4 of 22

I think you can be upset about your brother leaving, as you moved to be near him. But please do concentrate on the fact that he will be happy!....and remember, he's always going to be on the end of that phone!

As for your daughter leaving, I know my Mum was upset about my sister and I leaving! My sister lives a long way from home, but she visits very regularly and I can always pop down the motorway to see them! We do understand that our parents miss us - even if we don't always show it! (my Mum's my best friend!)

I am sure, from what you say about your daughter, that she'll be chatting to you a lot and she will come home - I promise!

Maybe, as you'll have more free time, join some local groups - horticultural societies and such - you'll make lots of friends in your area and have another thing to concentrate on! it works really well and you'll find community in no time!

Sending lots of your way!
post #5 of 22
I moved away in january, and my mum pretty much gave me a starter kit for a home, some pots and pans, cups, cutlery, pillows, blankets, pizza oven, and the 1,000$ worth coffee machine then i was allowed to take what ever i wanted from my room.
The first few months she was always worried about me not having money and she constantly sent me and asked if i was okay.
I miss my mother alot, she was here last night and i feel that i didnt get to talk to her properly and i wanted to tell her alot of things. of what has been going on for the last 3 weeks.

I now see her every second weekend, she writes much less to me now (which hurts) but i know she misses me very much.

Your daughter will always be yours, and i am sure that your bond will be even closer once she moves!
post #6 of 22
What huge changes in your life! I am sorry you are feeling so down right now. It must be hard especially since it is obvious since you value family. Life always has a way of changing, doesn't it? You have done such a great job in raising your daughter and you should be so proud I am sure you will work out what to send proper budgets, etc. for her as you go along. As far as your brother, just be happy for him. If you think you will have extra time on your hands, do something you love to do. Volunteer work to meet some people in your new town? Hobby? If you haven't tried scrapbooking, I highly recommend it. It's an amazing "de-stresser" and quite fun because you feel that you are a little girl in school again playing with glue, paper and scissors . Remember, we are always here, too!
post #7 of 22
You poor dear...many hugs your way!! You have every right to be sad!!. It's very hard to see children move away. A couple of months ago I just moved a 2 car day drive away from my mom and dad and it's been hard. What we did though is buy webcams so that we can still see eachother and a very good long distance calling plan so that we can chat whenever we want.
post #8 of 22
I TRULY know that sense of being abandoned. We moved here as it was close to where my brother lived and the thought was it would be easier to convince my mom to move to an independent living facility just up the road if we moved off her land, which such turned out to be the case. I am not good with my mom, but did not at all mind sharing the load with my nurse sister-in-law who very much is a caregiver type person. I did not like the neighborhood, and this house has been nothing but a pain.

Within a year my brother and SIL sold their house and moved 150 miles away !!! leaving me to handle mom all by myself. I felt abandoned, resented it, and still resent it. Plus it may just be coincidence but my health took a nosedive about then. Well, mom's in a nursing home out close to them (150 miles away) now, and they will STILL go haring off on two week long trips to the Caribbean, Alaska, wherever leaving me (150 miles away) as an emergency number. Thanks. I really appreciate it.

I don't know what to tell you, you've already moved once, all I can offer is sympathy (been there, done that) and a virtual hug ...
post #9 of 22
Awww Ashleigh hey i'm from the North and so is Sarah, and it's not that far away, so you could easily visit your brother no problem
post #10 of 22
post #11 of 22
Originally Posted by fwan

Your daughter will always be yours, and i am sure that your bond will be even closer once she moves!
post #12 of 22
Lots of calming vibes headed your way.
post #13 of 22
Oh, it is so hard to let them grow up! My oldest lives out of state, and I miss her alot, too. We are driving down to visit next weekend. But I have little ones at home, and as you said, that helps.

You sound overwhelmed. You have had a lot of change lately, and of course are feeling a little abandoned. What a lot to deal with all at once.

Be sure to plan with your daughter when her first visit home will be. Let her know that you love her, and for your peace of mind she needs to call often. Hugs to you at this difficult time!
post #14 of 22
Thread Starter 
Hiya gang

Thank you all so much, been having another sobbing session! I literally have a pain in my heart...she leaves tomorrow.
She has secured a job for the days she isn't at college, she did find bar work but it was shift ending at 2:30/3:00am and she decided she didn't want to have to travel home that late (my panic sticken face could of helped there)so is busy finding other jobs now for the daytime.

I have loaded her up with stuff, and will give her money and of course am hiding everything i'm feeling, as I don't wish her to feel bad, and she will have computer access, I guess we just spend alot of time together, laughing alot, going footy together and it will be so empty in this house!

Now I know why I was destined to have my kittys
post #15 of 22
Ashleigh - I'm sending you big big hugs. My baby goes to University a week on Sunday too. As well as the essentials I intend including a little "love" package. Some photos of us and the kitties and a package of her favourite things - one for each day of the first week (a bar of chocolate, a CD of music things like that). We're also sending her with a bottle of liqueur for a welcome party for the other girls in her halls of residence.

She also has broadband access so we will be talking on Yahoo whenever she wants to.

You've done such a great thing for her encouraging her to grow and blossom into a self-assured, independent young woman. It doesn't make it any easier to watch them go, but you will always be her mum. Letting her go with the support of you behind her is the kindest thing you can do for her now.

My son went to University a long way from us, now that he has finished and is working he is closer to us than when he left at 18. Even though she may never move back to her childhood home in the way she did before, you are not losing your baby for ever.

PM me anytime!
post #16 of 22
Thread Starter 
Thank you so so much, we are going shopping later, and for lunch ( only been waiting three hours for her to get ready ) and tonight we are having family time. Everyones help as been a great comfort, and thank you for the offer of pm, you may regret that offer * grabs contract*
post #17 of 22
It sounds like you are having such a special day today - I'm wishing you a great one

You made me laugh so much when you talked about waiting for her to get ready - they think they're all different but it's strange how parents have so many similar experiences isn't it

Retail therapy here you come!!!!!
post #18 of 22
Thread Starter 
I'm waiting for her to come in, she went to say goodbye to a few friends after we'd finished shopping, especially her best friend and he is suffering as much as I am, likely another 3 hours lol.
post #19 of 22
Thread Starter 
Hiya all,
Just wanted to drag this up to say thank you all. The first couple of weeks were very hard, I was totally lost and beyond myself, But I have come to terms that kids will fly the nest and we speak everyday on the phone, and she has been online alot.
Mostly she asks how the cats are and I know she's missing us all, but I have took your advice and decided that the Psychology course I have wanted to do for many years I am indeed going to study. So all in all life is good, and thanks once again.
post #20 of 22
I'm so pleased that everyting is going well for the both of you!

...and good for you going for the psychology course! I'm sure your daughter is just as proud of you as you are her!
post #21 of 22
Just now seeing this thread, but I am so glad things are starting to look up for you . I wish you continued success in your new life!
post #22 of 22
I am so glad that things are looking better for you! I just caught up on this thread too, but I understand where you were/are coming from!

When I left my family to go to college, it was so hard, I called my mom every night almost crying, telling her how much I wanted to come home. Eventually it got better, (my mom ended up getting a puppy to replace me!) haha, but she had my dad and 2 brothers, and all of our famliy lived in the same town, but I am so close with my mom, it tore me up inside to not be so close to her. During my last year of college I ended up moving back home for the last 2 months (college was only 1 hr away from home) and drove back and forth. Living back at home was the best thing ever!

After that summer was over, I ended up moving 2 hours away with my then boyfriend and got a job (where I'm at now) I usually try to get home at least every 2 weekends, but sometimes thats few and far between. Me and my mom have the best relationship ever now, after I moved away. She is my rock, she keeps me together and I call her whenever I have a problem with anything... we talk at least 5 times a day, she's my best friend. That mother/daughter realationship is the best relationship I could ever ask for.

I get to go home to see her today, its been 3 weeks and I feel like a child, I'm so excited!!

I really hope that everything goes okay for you, I know its hard being away from your daughter (its hard being away from my mom!!) but your guys' relationship will be so much stronger, and now you can go visit her! Keep us informed, you are in my thoughts and prayers!
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