My terminal mother wants a cat...

Thanks again, guys...I talked to my eldest sister about it last night and she also thinks its a good idea.. Would like to surprise her the week after she settles into her new place.
The only thing I worry about is my younger sister taking over and being bossy about the whole thing..(she tends to the dramatic and is quite the KNOW IT ALL)...Hopefully it won't be too painful an experience with all of us involved...

And yes, the kitten will be taken care of after the fact..no worries there.

I am so excited to see her face!
Will of course keep you posted...AND my mum has a digital camera (which I don't..hence the lack of pics on my end)

Your Mother is blessed by your love. She could not ask for a more caring daughter.

Since the question of its future is settled, I'd also say go for a kitten, as its antics will keep her amused, and it will almost certainly seek body contact, i.e., snuggle, when it's all tired out from playing and exploring. Perhaps the innocence of a new life will help her make peace with leaving this earth. Before his death, my dad was virtually housebound for a few years, and completely bedridden during his final one. Aside from his grandchildren, his greatest joy was his pets (two dogs, one of them a rambunctious puppy to start with, and a cat). Their love and companionship helped him through many a difficult day/night.

I am SO glad you're getting your mom a kitten!!! I think one of the saddest things would be to go to a nursing home for the rest of your life and never have a pet again.
Your mom is going to live out the rest of her life with her family and a kitten. She is blessed to have you as her daughter.

What a wonderful thing to do!

Your mom is a lucky woman to have a daughter like you. Don't worry about your sister we all have a"know it all" sister. That's part of having a sister.

I have many patients who could be described as "terminal" but I never use the word - hate it actually. Not too long ago, a phsyiotherapist at a private clinic who was consulted by the mother of one of my patients who had a late stage cancer was "informed" by this so called professional that "well, he's a terminal case". The mother reacted by telling this person that "Well, we are ALL terminal!!". Bravo, I said! We are indeed all terminal - some of us just have a better idea of when our time will come. I hate to see people with cancer - and esp children - labelled by that word - and I know you mean well and may have heard it from some "professional". But thanks to the work of ppl like Eliz Kubler- Ross, caring for people who are dying has become so much more humane and better. It used to be that often such patients were ignored because we all hated to discuss death. Now I encourage my patients and families to talk about it and embrace it as a part of life. I always cringe when I heare the word terminal.

And I honestly think it is wonderful for your mom to have a kitten. It affirms her own needs and will help a small animal at the same time. Bravo to you too!!

sorry,didn't think of it that way!! I likely use it as a way to tell myself its "real" or as a way to put it in my face, if you will. I go back and forth between Kubler-Ross' stages I find. One day its denial, then anger, then I might wake up in denial again..The cancer counselor assures this is "normal"..I am going to think about not using that word anymore

I agree...get her the kitten...so long as it has a place to go when she has gone.
Who knows...maybe dad will fall in love and be glad for the company.
My hubby used to have the idea that cats had a place...and it was in a barn chasing mice....("doing their job") He was raised in a farm-family.
Then along came Toby and he fell in love with him....Now we have 2 cats...and he babies them more than I do!!!!

I've been kind of out of it so I just got caught up on the thread. I think a kitten will be wonderful for your mother to have something to focus her energies on.

I look forward to hearing more of how it goes.

I think it would be a wonderful thing to do for you mum, and the best thing is that you have already sorted out what will happen to it in the long term, which truly is the most important thing. As long as you can find one that will be willing to cuddle her, I think it is truly an excellent thing for her, and animals have proved to be good with ill people. I would have been tempted to persuade her to go for an oldie who will be a lap cat, but maybe the playfullness of a kitten will be just what she needs.

Go for it. I think I more tame kitten would be better because your mom spends alot of time in bed so she may want to cuddle with the kitten more.

Please check thie website: http://www.bestfriendspetcare.com/bf_pets_14.cfm
I think it may help you.

Do get her a kitten - like the others said, as long as kitty will have a place for the rest of its life - Pet therapy is a wonderful thing!! No matter how sick - a kitten can always make everyone smile and laugh!! What better thing than laughter to help your mom!!

This is a wonderful idea. Bless you for doing it

I think that your mother's final wish should be granted.
There are many homeless kittens out there. Even if her time on earth is short, the kitten would have a special place in your mother's heart and would be extra special to you and your family after your mother passes. I'm wondering if she should get 2 kittens (they would keep each other company when your mother can't play with them). I acquired Noah & Bella as a set and it was one of the wisest decisions I've ever made. They didn't cry out for their mother and siblings the way that Molly did when we brought her home because they had each other. They also play well together (better that they use up their energy Kung Fu fighting rather than bouncing off my furniture). Good luck to you in your decision.

Originally Posted by Loveysmummy

sorry,didn't think of it that way!! I likely use it as a way to tell myself its "real" or as a way to put it in my face, if you will. I go back and forth between Kubler-Ross' stages I find. One day its denial, then anger, then I might wake up in denial again..The cancer counselor assures this is "normal"..I am going to think about not using that word anymore

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Yes, it is indeed normal emotions to go through, it is after all quite a shocker to be told your own mother may not be around for much longer. People grieve in different ways, and there is nothing wrong with that. It is very common and normal to feel the way you do. You'll probably feel other emotions too, as you all go through this process. I'm so sorry you have to go through all this!

The word "terminal" is of course a word often used by doctors and others when someone is that ill, and it gives a certain idea of the seriousness of her illness. At the same time, I too think it is sad if this is "who she becomes". She is more than "terminal", she's your mother and the same person she used to be, just not as healthy. This label easily becomes who the person is, when really noone knows how long she'll be around. I think it is sad too, when they give a certain number of days a person has to live; after all, we may all be gone by tomorrow, and if not, many people have lived much longer than anticipated. It's not "wrong" to say "terminal", just a word that can become a label on a person very easily.

I agree with the others; let your mom enjoy caring for a little kitten, it'll bring her so much joy and will help her to focus on something else than "dying".
I think it is important for her own sake, to get a hold of a kitten who is content sleeping on a lap or close to her, so that she may enjoy it still, those last days of her life. I LOOOOVE the idea of letting her have a pet, even if she could not care for it at all; as long as someone is there to take care of the kitty of course...
And don't worry so much about your sister; if she loves cats, I'm sure she'll take good care of the kitty when she gets it. If your mother wants her to have the cat, then just leave that alone and don't worry about it. Honor her wish, and keep the peace in the family. That'll mean a lot to your mother as well, I'm sure! You sound like an awesome daughter, so caring and concerned about her needs!

Originally Posted by CyberKitten

I have many patients who could be described as "terminal" but I never use the word - hate it actually. Not too long ago, a phsyiotherapist at a private clinic who was consulted by the mother of one of my patients who had a late stage cancer was "informed" by this so called professional that "well, he's a terminal case". The mother reacted by telling this person that "Well, we are ALL terminal!!". Bravo, I said! We are indeed all terminal - some of us just have a better idea of when our time will come. I hate to see people with cancer - and esp children - labelled by that word - and I know you mean well and may have heard it from some "professional". But thanks to the work of ppl like Eliz Kubler- Ross, caring for people who are dying has become so much more humane and better. It used to be that often such patients were ignored because we all hated to discuss death. Now I encourage my patients and families to talk about it and embrace it as a part of life. I always cringe when I heare the word terminal.

And I honestly think it is wonderful for your mom to have a kitten. It affirms her own needs and will help a small animal at the same time. Bravo to you too!!

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Very well said!
I work in a cancer center.
Have you read the book "Dying Well" by Dr. Ira Byock? or another book that he recommends, "Final Gifts" by Maggie Callanan, Patricia Kelley? I highly recommend both to EVERYONE.

Laurie

Originally Posted by George'smom

Very well said!
I work in a cancer center.
Have you read the book "Dying Well" by Dr. Ira Byock? or another book that he recommends, "Final Gifts" by Maggie Callanan, Patricia Kelley? I highly recommend both to EVERYONE.

Laurie

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Thanks to you both! Your words are appreciated I will look for those titles.She is staying in a palliative care centre for the week while the move goes on.The place is beautiful actually and her attitude has improved while being there. All of the rooms are like nice hotel rooms/bedrooms and made to make the patient feel at home..I took her one of my cat books today to ready her and then went to help unpack..A VERY Long day...Thanks again!

I may have missed it but how long before she gets a kitty?

Originally Posted by Loveysmummy

Thanks to you both! Your words are appreciated

I will look for those titles.She is staying in a palliative care centre for the week while the move goes on.The place is beautiful actually and her attitude has improved while being there. All of the rooms are like nice hotel rooms/bedrooms and made to make the patient feel at home..I took her one of my cat books today to ready her

and then went to help unpack..A VERY Long day...Thanks again!

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You should be able to find both books on Half.com for a fraction of what they cost new.

The palliative care centre sounds lovely!

I had another thought about the kitten. If there is something else for visitors to focus their attention on, it may make it easier for them to spend more time with your mother. Most people feel uncomfortable around the dying.

L