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Helicopter Parents

post #1 of 13
9/15/05 at 12:08pm
Thread Starter 
Are you a helicopter parent? Do you have one?

What do you think of this whole issue?
http://www.cnn.com/2005/EDUCATION/08...er.parents.ap/

I personally have two hovering, overbearing, overinvolved parents. They have good intentions, but are really the bane of my existence. I have yet to make a major decision by myself (and when I try, I'm shot down) and doubt that I ever will. I'm scared to turn into one of those people who is 45 and still calling mommy and daddy because I never got an opportunity to grow up.
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post #2 of 13
9/15/05 at 12:11pm
My father was the EXTREME opposite of a helicopter parent and that is one of the reasons why I have not spoken to him since March.

My mother is more in the middle, though she does have helicopter-ish tendencies .

I think it's nice when parents want their children to be safe, healthy, and happy, but there comes a point where they have to let their children be more autonomous!
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post #3 of 13
9/15/05 at 1:04pm
I watched a 60 minutes episode on Echo Boomer children when I heard this phrase.
I think its an excellent one!! One of my co-workers hovers over her kids (freshman and Sophmore in HS) ALOT. Kids have to do stuff themselves and learn from their mistakes. I think there are going to be lots of children as when they become adults will not be equipped to deal with adulthood and be individual human beings.
My twin & I had a jolt when we started our senior yr in HS and our parents were in a horrible auto accident. Mom was in hospital for 4 weeks and then still many months recuperating. In hindsight I think that was a great experience for us.
But I was a bit wacky on Tues nite after our storm and their phone line was busy for 90#!!! Mom was chatting w/ one of her sisters!!! Oh well-she said she had vibes about me while on the phone though!!
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post #4 of 13
9/15/05 at 1:09pm
I have a friend with a helicoptor family, she is 23 and totally incapable of taking care of herself financially. She needed help getting a job, getting an apartment, and is constantly in debt. Meanwhile she buys herself ridiculously expensive things that she uses once or twice.

I was blessed with wonderful parents. Wanted to know what I was up to, but made me deal with all my own problems. I'm a lot happier on a day to day basis than the above-mentioned friend.
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post #5 of 13
9/15/05 at 1:10pm
I had a friend with a mother like that...when she got older she rebelled and stopped talking to her, she didn't even have her mother at her wedding It's so sad.
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post #6 of 13
9/15/05 at 2:25pm
I have a mother in law like that. She tries to micromanage every bit of our lives. Right down to, when we took her grocery shopping one day, telling me which packages of meat I should or should not buy! It wasn't just discussing the quality of the meat, it was "You don't want the package in your hand, put it down and buy this one." She's constantly telling us that we spend too much money on the animals, and that we should get rid of them, and that we should give money to DH's brother. Sorry, he screwed himself, we don't feel that sorry for him. And NOTHING I do is right in concerns to raising our daughter. I'm just glad she physically can't get up the front steps, or upstairs to the bathroom, or she'd be here all the time. Steep steps keep the inlaw out! She drives hubby crazy. My mom can't get over how meddling she is. My mom only says something if she TRULY thinks I'm making a HUGE mistake, and even then, she's careful about how she approaches the subject. MIL just says it, and usually is way off base anyways!

Amber
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post #7 of 13
9/15/05 at 4:03pm
I cant even begin to imagine. Neither of my parents, nor anyone else in my family is like that. Everyone lets everyone else take care of their own stuff. If someone asks for help, then they step in, just long enough to help.
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post #8 of 13
9/15/05 at 7:17pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mferr84
I cant even begin to imagine. Neither of my parents, nor anyone else in my family is like that. Everyone lets everyone else take care of their own stuff. If someone asks for help, then they step in, just long enough to help.
My parents insisted on picking out my apartment for me and the place I would live in between. They give me rules that are ludicrous for someone my age that they can't even monitor anyway. They call 5 minutes after auditions to know how they went. They basically call every day and are always sending me packages full of food as if I were completely incapable of feeding myself. I hate it. I wish they would just let me spend my own money on things. Granted, I need their help for tuition and rent, but I can handle all my other bills! I have a terrific job! Even with my choice in school, I had to basically send in the intent form and INFORM them that I was going to DePaul....they insisted on University of Illinois. It's just completely annoying...the daily emails, the calls, the unsolicited financial help. I've started sending the stuff back. I don't want to insult them, but I'm 20, and it's high time I started learning to take care of myself!
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post #9 of 13
9/15/05 at 8:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by lionessrampant
My parents insisted on picking out my apartment for me and the place I would live in between. They give me rules that are ludicrous for someone my age that they can't even monitor anyway. They call 5 minutes after auditions to know how they went. They basically call every day and are always sending me packages full of food as if I were completely incapable of feeding myself. I hate it. I wish they would just let me spend my own money on things. Granted, I need their help for tuition and rent, but I can handle all my other bills! I have a terrific job! Even with my choice in school, I had to basically send in the intent form and INFORM them that I was going to DePaul....they insisted on University of Illinois. It's just completely annoying...the daily emails, the calls, the unsolicited financial help. I've started sending the stuff back. I don't want to insult them, but I'm 20, and it's high time I started learning to take care of myself!
thats a hard situation to be in, i understand what you are saying by not wanting to insult them, especially if a time comes along and you really do need help, and they turn you away because you have turned them away... its kinda like being between a rock and a hard place, i agree, 20 is old enough to live on your own and take care of yourself.
my papaw(no disrespect to him) doesnt interfere, but when i go visit him and i cook or i ask to drive or simple things(that i have been doing for years) he is like... you know how to do that?? like i am still 10 years old... i know it is not the same thing, but that is irritating all the same. I am a grown up, i CAN survive on my own, and ta-da! I have been doing it for years!
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post #10 of 13
9/16/05 at 1:39am
My Dad is always there to help if I need it, and often he will do things for me that I'm perfectly capable of doing myself, but he's not doing it in a helicopterish way, he's doing it cause he's an old fashioned man who believes in taking care of his daughter!

I have a friend who is mid thirties and if she argues with her husband, her Dad will call the husband to 'sort things out'! I couldn't handle interfering like that, it would drive me nuts. The husband and Dad haven't spoken in months due to the last arguement he butted his nose into, must make for great family days out
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post #11 of 13
9/16/05 at 3:22am
Embrace those hovering, interfering ways now, because I am here to tell ya that when your folks are gone, you'll be willing to give anything for them to be "helicopterish" once again.
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post #12 of 13
9/16/05 at 7:39am
Quote:
Originally Posted by gayef
Embrace those hovering, interfering ways now, because I am here to tell ya that when your folks are gone, you'll be willing to give anything for them to be "helicopterish" once again.
My parent's aren't helicopters, but I'll still miss them when they're dead!

Although, I don't think that's what you meant really.
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post #13 of 13
9/16/05 at 9:59pm
My aunt is! My cousin is due with her first child, a girl, in the next few weeks. My aunt arrived at my cousin's house and the next day her doctor wanted to induce her because her blood preasure went up..... It's kind of funny because she was perfectly fine before my aunt got there. We havn't heard anything yet but we will let you know!!
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