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New kitten...feeling like a schmuck!

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
Hi everybody!

To continue on in this horrible Peanut saga, we have had what I think is a positive outcome, but I am not sure. Dave and I went to the shelter yesterday and got another longhaired kitten (no name yet). I am feeling happy about this, but also bad because it was so soon after Peanut died!

There is NO WAY to replace Peanut, and we are not doing this to dishonor him. We are doing it because we want another kitten in need to have a great home, and to honor Peanut's sweetness and opening our hearts by opening our home. However, I still feel like a schmuck. Can anybody help me resolve this in my head?

We arestill very much grieving Peanut's loss...I am very confused about being so sad and yet still happy to have the new little one. My husband is torn up about it.

I hope you guys don't think we are monsters. If you do, tell me, but try to be gentle.

thanks.
post #2 of 25
I don't think there is anything wrong with having gotten another kitten so fast, and I have seen other people on the board do it. Everyone grieves differently.
post #3 of 25
Hon you are in NO way a monster! Bless you for giving another kitten a safe, loving and secure place to live.

We can never replace ones we lose, and you're not trying to. There's nothing wrong with being happy to have the new baby, life does go on. You can still be happy for the good things in your life even in times of grief, it doesn't change how you feel about Peanut or mean you loved him any less.
post #4 of 25
Oh good grief sweetie theres no way we would think you were monsters by getting another kitten so soon!!

No one can take the place of Peanut, and your giving another kitten a loving home with a lot of love and attention, and i'm sure even Peanut wouldn't hold this against you both In fact Peanut is probably thrilled that this little fur ball is helping to mend his mum and dads broken heart

We look forward to seeing the new arrival in Fur pages
post #5 of 25
I understand your guilt - I think it's normal. I felt guilt when we adopted Abby a little less than 2 months after Molly died. I still mourn the loss of Molly, but love my little Abby to death. I still feel guilt occasionally, because I feel I am being a better cat mom to Abby than I was to Molly. I didn't know about higher quality foods, etc. I have learned a lot since the loss of Molly.

I have heard of many people that go to the shelter the same day they lose their cat to adopt a new one.

When I was experiencing the extreme guilt when we adopted Abby, I think my husband managed to put it best - If it wasn't for the wonderful experience and extreme love and joy we had with Molly, we wouldn't have wanted to adopt another cat. It is actually a testement to what a wonderful girl she was.
post #6 of 25
Of course we don't think you're a monster! I'm glad that you and your family have found another kitty to love after Peanut's sad passing. Of course, if you don't show us pictures of the new baby, then we'll think you're a monster
Juuuust kidding.
post #7 of 25
I think Peanut would want you to take in another needy little one and he probably guided you!!!! I would do the same and there would be NO DISRESPECT to my Loki. Could not stand the quiet in the house knowing I could give a little one or two a good and loving forever home!!

You did a good thing - bet Peanut would be proud of you!!!!!!

Now we want pictures - OK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #8 of 25
It is a perfectly natural transistion for some people who have lost a pet. Others wait awhile, but it all up to you. As long as Peanut did not have an infectious disease , and you did not clean the house correctly, there is nothing wrong in immediately getting another kitten or cat
post #9 of 25
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hell603
I think Peanut would want you to take in another needy little one and he probably guided you!!!! I would do the same and there would be NO DISRESPECT to my Loki. Could not stand the quiet in the house knowing I could give a little one or two a good and loving forever home!!

You did a good thing - bet Peanut would be proud of you!!!!!!

Now we want pictures - OK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NOt to be silly, but I did go to where Peanut is buried yesterday and "talked to him" about the new kitten, and that we still loved him very much, and asked him if it would be OK if we loved our new little one too. I know he isn't really there, but it made me feel a little better. I also had a good cry, and brought him some flowers (I will do that until there are no more flowers in the yard for the year).

I think we might name the kitten Butter, so we can associate Peanut + Butter, because they are spiritual brothers in a sense.

I hope Peanut is proud of us...we love him so much, and we are doing the best we can to cope with his loss.
post #10 of 25
I adopted Sophie 2 days after we lost Sunni. No way does this make you or me monsters! For some people, the grieving is just too difficult alone. Not having a little furperson underfoot was like taking away a major part of my daily routine, and it was very hard.

Sophie will not replace Sunni, and your little friend will never replace Peanut. That's not what you are attempting to do, I know. All I can tell you is that I totally understand. Good luck and hugs to you!

I can't wait to see pictures!!!!
post #11 of 25
Blueberrybeth, You are saving a life! That is a wonderful way to HONOR Peanut.
RIP Peanut.
post #12 of 25
Quote:
I think we might name the kitten Butter, so we can associate Peanut + Butter, because they are spiritual brothers in a sense.
I think that's really lovely. What a sweet idea.
You're going to give another needy soul a wonderful loving home. Bless you!
post #13 of 25
Nope, not a schmuck. A loving human being. I still love my beloved 17 year old Beau (RIP 1/2003) - but it dosen't mean that I love my current kitties any less - nor does it mean that I don't still love him as much as I did when he was with me.
post #14 of 25
Beth, here's what I think.

Peanut sent you to the shelter for that one special cat...not as a replacement (because who is replacable, anyway...) but because he knows you're still grieving, and needing to love on a new kitty. He also knows that you are able to give a great home to a kitten who needs the love so very much, and so he coordinated all of that from Kitty Heaven.

Your new baby is just that - a new baby. You're no monster, nor a schmuck, or anything like that. You have a heartful of love, and a home worth living in...and there's a new life needing you. So it's a match made in heaven, imho.

Best-
Michele
post #15 of 25
You are a sensitive, loving person. Peanut is smiling down on you and Butter right now.

We lost our beloved Simba 2 days before we moved to his house and after 3 weeks our daughter and I were feeling so feline deprived we knew we had to have another cat in our lives. We brought our Simba to this house and buried him here near us because we loved him so much.

Bijou is our new baby and we feel blessed to have him as he is quite wonderful. He's very different from Simba and doesn't "replace" Simba. He just adds to our joy of having had 2 wonderful cats. Our daughter moved in with a friend for a few month to try out the "independence" thing and while she was gone she missed Bijou so much she went to the same breeder and got Mika. When she moved back home, Mika came too and now we have 2 wonderful cats.

You have given another kitty a wonderful, loving, caring home and for that you should be applauded. Congratulations on getting Butter and know that Peanut will be waiting for all of you at the Rainbow Bridge with love in his eyes.
post #16 of 25
I agree with what everyone else has said. You are in no way a monster. You are a loving person who wants to give a much needed home to a kitten.

Some people need a kitten or cat right away, some need time to heal from the loss of their pet. Both ways are right. It's whatever is best for you.

I would do the same thing if I lost one of my kitties. I would have to get another soon after. My house would just feel empty without a cat here.

I LOVE the name you picked out and I am sure Peanut approves

Some cats pass on without ever knowing what it's like to have a family who loves them. I am sure Peanut was very loved and knew it. Cats are smart

Best of luck with your baby.

Bobbie <---- (who thinks it's very sweet that you went to talk to Peanut and brought flowers)
post #17 of 25
Very well put!! That's about what I was going to say!

People go the very next day a lot of times, and I think it's an honor to the cat because it's exactly what abbysmom's hubby said - it was such a great honor (and loss) that you want to bring another kitty home. I think why some do it quicker than others is due to not wanting to lose the memory of their cat that just passed? I know if one of mine did, I'd want to bring home a cat that next day - maybe psychologically believe she never left at all?? If that makes sense. =)

Quote:
Originally Posted by AbbysMom
I understand your guilt - I think it's normal. I felt guilt when we adopted Abby a little less than 2 months after Molly died. I still mourn the loss of Molly, but love my little Abby to death. I still feel guilt occasionally, because I feel I am being a better cat mom to Abby than I was to Molly. I didn't know about higher quality foods, etc. I have learned a lot since the loss of Molly.

I have heard of many people that go to the shelter the same day they lose their cat to adopt a new one.

When I was experiencing the extreme guilt when we adopted Abby, I think my husband managed to put it best - If it wasn't for the wonderful experience and extreme love and joy we had with Molly, we wouldn't have wanted to adopt another cat. It is actually a testement to what a wonderful girl she was.
post #18 of 25
You are the opposite of monsters, to honor Peanut by saving the life of another little cat who might otherwise have died.
Also, there are those, (my vet among them,) who believe our most beloved pets "come back" to us in different pet bodies. He has looked, through the years, for his first dog & claims he came back to him twice.

Love your new baby in memory of all the love you had for Peanut. Giving love increases your capacity to love & be loved, and heals the spirit.
post #19 of 25
Thread Starter 
Oh, you guys are so nice...I am tearing up over here! You are right, I don't feel any differently about Peanut now that Butters is here...it feels like there is MORE love here than before. And it is easier to celebrate Peanut's life now we have another to raise in his honor. Thanks for being so kind to my husband and I - we need it, as we are both hard on ourselves, and appreciate it.

So, let me tell you about the new baby. My husband has named him Butters, because Butter was a little too "close to home" if you know what I mean. Also, it makes us laugh because we think of the Southpark character Butters, Kenny's temp. fill-in. Butters had this play character "Captain Chaos" who tried to drown the world by leaving the garden hose on all night! We just hope our little Capt. Chaos does not try to drown the world by peeing constantly on the carpet!! Oh, we are so "deep" eh?

I am going to try to get pictures of some of the furbabies, if not all, on tonight. We can let ourselves feel the joy a little!

Thank you thank you,
Beth and Dave
post #20 of 25
We want to see pics!
post #21 of 25
Thread Starter 
Of course, if you don't show us pictures of the new baby, then we'll think you're a monster
Juuuust kidding. [/quote]

Hey...here he is! This whole picture posting thing isn't so hard! Thanks again everyone!

Beth (and Dave too!!)

http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...825#post841825
post #22 of 25
What better way to honor Peanut, than to give a homeless kitten a new forever home!
post #23 of 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueberrybeth
NOt to be silly, but I did go to where Peanut is buried yesterday and "talked to him" about the new kitten, and that we still loved him very much, and asked him if it would be OK if we loved our new little one too. I know he isn't really there, but it made me feel a little better. I also had a good cry, and brought him some flowers (I will do that until there are no more flowers in the yard for the year).

I think we might name the kitten Butter, so we can associate Peanut + Butter, because they are spiritual brothers in a sense.

I hope Peanut is proud of us...we love him so much, and we are doing the best we can to cope with his loss.
You just made me cry - I think that is the most beautiful and respectful and loving way to treat your little Peanut. What a lucky boy he must have been, and how lucky Butter is to have had you find him.
post #24 of 25
Beth - I felt EXACTLY the same way when my Tigger died 4 years ago. Two weeks later, a friend called me to tell me she knew someone who was giving away kittens. I felt EXTREMELY guilty, thinking this is way to early, I'm still crying every day! But after a couple weeks of caring for my new baby, I felt a lot better...like this little one was meant to come into my life at that time. Not that I wasn't still mourning that loss of my best friend, but I learned to love again and was delighted to give a new little one a home that might not have gotten the chance. And that's exactly what you did. Your love and memories for Peanut will never go away, I still get teared up when I think about Tigger. But you'll just be opening up your heart and home to a new baby, watching him grow, caring for him...and and to me, that's just sheer happiness!

Good luck to you both!!

Susan
post #25 of 25
I feel that every time a loved pet goes to the Bridge, that opens up a loving home for another in need. If I did not already have 3 others, I would have rescued one from the shelter on the way home from the vet when I had to have Fred put out of his pain. That may be too soon for some people, but everyone to their own time. I just can't stand the thought of being without a cat. You are far from a monster for opening up your heart and home to another kitty.
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