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Having trouble dealing... he wasn't even mine!

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
one of the kittens who live behind the warehouse where I work died today...

The only one we had named, the only one out of the ten who would let us pet him...

last week after Katrina hit and we were out of work a few days, my co-worker said she found one of the other kittens dead, it was one of the black ones, like Ziggy, and it had been attacked by something... probably one of the raccoons that lurk around out there.

but Fluffy was okay

this morning I was outside and noticed Fluffy was limping...

the first time I ever saw Fluffy, he was the only orange, the only fluffy cat in a litter of 6 that couldn't have been more than four weeks old, they were all the tinyest little tortiseshell and black kittens you've ever seen, and right in the middle of all the dark furr was this one teeny little bright orange baby with the fluffiest tail and the biggest ears and the cutest little face. His momma was spayed a few months ago we found her kittens the same day she was brought back from the vet having been spayed (they had come out of hiding looking for her and were huddled together and they ran to her when she was let out of her cage), we didn't know she had kittens until then, we knew one of the other cats had 4, but not her, we felt so bad the babies were left over night alone!

today Fluffy was worse than limping, he was dragging his back leg around scraping the top of his paw on the ground as he tried to hobble about... I ran inside and we were all back out there in a matter of minutes and I was wearing gloves. I picked up little hissing biting Fluffy (thank whoever for the gloves!) and put him in a nice cage we have sitting there outside from when his mom was brought back from the vet after being spayed.... he was laying on a little blanket I cut up for him (it was too big for the carrier so I cut it down to fit) and was hissing at us and cleaning himself.

we figured... they'll fix his broken foot... and then they will neuter him so all will be good...


at four we get a call saying it was definately an attack from another animal, both legs were severely damaged and the one that I had noticed would have to be amputated... he also had a bad infection in the wounds.... overall costs would be $2000 plus no guarantee he would survive... the boss elected to have him put to sleep... and my boss is as big a cat lover as me, he has seven cats, all stray ones he caught behind my job...

I can't help but think... if I hadn't seen him, if I hadn't caught him... he would still be alive right now... and people keep saying "its for the best" but that just doesn't comfort me... not this cat why this cat... he was so friendly so sweet and had the cutest little face and big giant hairy ears and fluffy tail...

I dont care if people say I'm being stupid, childish or a crazy cat lady... I'm simply heartbroken... he's never going to be outside there anymore... to meow and run over to see if we have something for him... I'll never get to see him as a full grown cat

and I cant help but get so angry at all the people who said to me "sure! I'll take home a cat!" then never contacted me again... is it so hard for people to take care of another living creature to prevent it from having a difficult life then die at a very young age?

Ziggy used to live out there, he was born in the very same spot, Ziggy was brave enough or stupid enough or hungry enough to come running up to Kim, and allowed her to pick him up when she came inside asking if someone wanted him, I was lucky enough to fall in love, to be able to bring home Ziggy... and now he's so big and so happy and so healthy and it breaks my heart that I couldn't take more of them... that I have no money and no room for a third cat... and it scares me that it could have been my Zig... that constantly purring obnoxiously cute cat who runs to the door whenever I come home... he could have been out there still with the raccoons of foxes or whatever the hell killed Fluffy...

I drew a picture of Fluffy... so I wouldn't forget... I dont care if it sucks... it helped me feel a little better, better than having co workers tell me stories of other animal deaths in their past... how was that supposed to help? if it weren't for me... he would still be alive right now. instead... he's probably a pile of ashes already... sitting in a cold vet office I dont even know if they're going to put him anywhere nice or just throw him out...

I'm sorry I just needed to vent to people who keep saying 'it wasnt your cat' or 'its for the best' or blah blah blah...
post #2 of 12
Now I am sending a cyber hug to you. I would feel as you do about it all. All you can do is to pay that he is in a better place. I think the picture will comfort you. Vent more if you need to do it. Writing is a catharsis. You need to get it all out. We are here to listen.
post #3 of 12
You are in the right place to find someone who understands. RIP baby Fluffy.
post #4 of 12
I'm so sorry to hear this...poor little thing
post #5 of 12
What a horrible thing Some people just don't deserve to have animals
post #6 of 12
You won't hear anything negative from this group. However you feel is ok..it's your right to have all those feelings...and I would too. Bless your heart for caring about this little furbaby!
post #7 of 12
Ahhh that most have been terrible for you, My thoughts and prayers are with you, bless the little one also
post #8 of 12
I guess I disagree that Fluffy wasn't yours. You loved him and watched him grow. You cared enough to scoop him up to try to get him some help. Now you mourn his loss. Fluffy was yours.

I'm sorry the vet couldn't save him. Please don't feel that you hastened his death! How painful it would have been for this baby to have infection grow in his little injured legs! His end would have be slow and painful. You didn't end Fluffy's life, you just ended his pain. He isn't suffering, or waiting for another attack. He is over the rainbow bridge.

The bodies at the vets office are cremated, just like some people have their loved ones cremated. Maybe in addition to the picture you drew of Fluffy, you could plant a tree or another plant in his memory. We always bury our pets under a certain honey suckle bush in the yard. And although a few were cremated at the vets office, and we didn't bring them home, I still consider the bush to be their final resting place. It comforts me somehow, to think their bodies are near each other, as they are truly near each other over the bridge.

Condolences on the loss of your beloved Fluffy. Rest in peace, little one, knowing you were truly loved in your short time here!
post #9 of 12
The poor little thing You showed Fluffy some love and attention and i'm sure he'll never forget you for that Bless your heart for helping him and the others

RIP Fluffy, and play with the other kittens over the bridge
post #10 of 12
You helped, you didn't hinder his recovery. What you did prevented a long slow death from infection or being torn apart by whatever injured him in the first place. It is so tough caring for ferals - and we can't save them all. Every day I see them on the street and want to bring them home, especially the little ones, but we only do what is feasible. You have Ziggy and you tried to help these others. That is a good and generous thing.
post #11 of 12
I am so sorry. You did what you could to help him and loved him. I hope you can find some peace in that. I am praying for you. Hugs.
post #12 of 12
Bless you for taking care of Fluffy and sparing him a very harsh, horrible ending to a too, too short life! He sounded absolutely adorable, and my condolences on the loss of a very special kitty! I am so sad that those poor kitties have to be exposed to whatever is getting them (don't rule out dog attacks, either - raccoons & foxes, at least in my experience,eat their kill). Thank goodness that you have taken Ziggy in! I am sending prayers & protection vibes for the remainder of the cats. RIP, Fluffy & little unnamed black one; may your rewards in Heaven be extra special...
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