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Unhappy Calico

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
My 7-year-old Calico Madison hates my boyfriend. He has never met a cat that he didn't like and up until now, never met one who didn't like him. She has taken to living under a bathroom sink. I have had to put puppy pads down because she was urinating and deficating on herself. The crowning blow came when my boyfriend picked her up and long with the usual blood curdling scream she just cut loose and urinated like she sprung a leak.

She has been with me since was 12 weeks old. This behavior started when my boyfriend moved in and is getting worse.

Thank you to anyone with some insight.
post #2 of 15
A vet visit would be in order - she could be sick. If she gets a clean bill of health: I obviously don't know your boyfriend or cat - but if it were me - I'd take a hint from the cat as they are mostly good judges of characters, and reconsider your relationship with your boyfriend. Just My opinion of course.
post #3 of 15
Has anything happend with your cat and your boyfriend, e.g. did he accidently kick her or something?.

He needs to gain her trust, so if you give her treats let your boyfriend give her them, and let him put her food out for her, and play with her a bit.
post #4 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosiemac
Has anything happend with your cat and your boyfriend, e.g. did he accidently kick her or something?.

He needs to gain her trust, so if you give her treats let your boyfriend give her them, and let him put her food out for her, and play with her a bit.
^^^ Yeah that. Sounds like he may have hurt her in some way, probably accidently. Is she like this with all men, or just him? Has she been like it since day one? Are you still giving her the same amount of attention and affection that you gave her before he moved in?
post #5 of 15
Sounds like her territory has been invaded and she's mad. How is she with other people visiting you? You say it started when your bf moved in; how was she with him before he moved in?
post #6 of 15
Sorry, I may have been a bit harsh. My cats did not like my ex-husband - they peed on his side of the bed, in his shoes and basically wanted to have nothing to do with him. They knew him better than I did - I should have listened to them!

I am sure your BF is a great guy - the others have made great suggestions.
post #7 of 15
Thread Starter 
I will be taking Madison back to the vet. She is diabetic. My boyfriend loves cats. He brought his now 23-year-old neutered male with him. (Xon makes 5)

Madison was the second cat brought into my home this time around. Number one is Sofiblu (a russian blue). Sofi and Maddi are VERY close. That has not changed. Then my two boys Tabby Hunter and Armani (stray brothers, their mother brought them to me). While things were rocky in the beginning we all settled in nicely.

Madison has always been a bit shy, but she seemed to get along fine with Bruce until he moved in. He has been a good sport, but I have been trying to get him just leave her alone since she seems to get so upset around him. We tried having him do the meals, but it only got worse. So now I do all of the feedings. Bruce tries not to let it show, but I know it really bothers him that she hates him so much.

I was thinking that it might be territorial especially since she and the other three used to sleep with me.

Thank you for all of the insight.

cyn
post #8 of 15
Oh so he brought his own cat to live with you all as well?.

That could be it.
post #9 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthi
I will be taking Madison back to the vet. She is diabetic. My boyfriend loves cats. He brought his now 23-year-old neutered male with him. (Xon makes 5)
Ah-ha, that tells us a lot!!

I know you've had Madison for 7 years, but calicos are usually very guarded, shy, a little aloof. Believe me, I've learned this from my 3.5 y/o girl, Cassie (also a typical calico cat-titude).

I'm not sure if your boyfriend is the "problem" per se in this scenario. Are the new cats left alone a lot during the day? Have they been properly introduced? Meaning, did you keep them separated and slowly integrate them? Keep in mind, Madison is used to being the queen of her domain, now a foreign element is being introduced, not to mention she has to *share* you with your b.f now .

Def take her to the vet to rule out any illness. But it sounds to me like she is just scared, and needs some extra TLC.

In the meantime, keep her separated with her own food, water, toys, cat box, bed, etc and have your boyfriend start talking to her, giving her treats, feeding her, so she can gain his trust.

My Cassie was extremely bonded with my boyfriend Charlie, then again, he found her. But she is extremely protective of him too. I mean, he and I would snuggle on the couch, and she would get JEAL-OUS (and she's known me since she was a baby too!). So someone recommended we introduce a cat to her, and we have brought Napoleon into our lives. OK this is a LOT of work...lots of play therapy with the cats, spirit essences, food treats, extra TLC. Cassie has gone from sick to depressed to happy to guarded to shy to b*tchy with Napoleon...and hasn't found a happy medium LOL! I will be happy when she's her normal aloof self again.

It's a lot of work, but worth it, because I have two sweet kitties

Good luck to you, your boyfriend and to Madison.
post #10 of 15
Thread Starter 
Thank you to all who responded to my post about my unhappy Calico. Here is the update. We went to the Vet on Friday. She is in excellent health, her weight is finally perfect (we have been battling the bulge for quite a while). The Vet seems to believe that she is suffering territorial issues (which most of you sited). And with some extreme patience on my boyfriend's part , things should settle themselves out.

My boyfriend is just heart broken that she does not like him. Up until now he had never met a kitty that didn't like him. He is not going anywhere so, given however much time is needed I feel sure that she will come around.

Thanks again!
post #11 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthi
Thank you to all who responded to my post about my unhappy Calico. Here is the update. We went to the Vet on Friday. She is in excellent health, her weight is finally perfect (we have been battling the bulge for quite a while). The Vet seems to believe that she is suffering territorial issues (which most of you sited). And with some extreme patience on my boyfriend's part , things should settle themselves out.

My boyfriend is just heart broken that she does not like him. Up until now he had never met a kitty that didn't like him. He is not going anywhere so, given however much time is needed I feel sure that she will come around.

Thanks again!
I am always confused how a vet can decide that a cat is in perfect health, when cystitis is something that the cat might have and it might not even be detectable with any tests. Even urinalisis can be normal, as I understand it, and the cat still can have cystitis. Did the vet do a urinalisis on your Calico?
My cat was peeing everywhere like your cat, and I was told he has cystitis.
post #12 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Talon
A vet visit would be in order - she could be sick. If she gets a clean bill of health: I obviously don't know your boyfriend or cat - but if it were me - I'd take a hint from the cat as they are mostly good judges of characters, and reconsider your relationship with your boyfriend. Just My opinion of course.
If I was basing anything on my cat's judgement, I would have to believe everybody is a horrible person. My cat is scared of everyone. My cat had the same reaction the Calico is having to start peeing everywhere because of stress caused by someone else moving to live in my aparment. I think the cat is stessed, and stress causes cystitis. The boyfreind might be a most wonderful person in the world, and it doesn't matter to the cat, because the cat is stressed.
post #13 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Talon
Sorry, I may have been a bit harsh. My cats did not like my ex-husband - they peed on his side of the bed, in his shoes and basically wanted to have nothing to do with him. They knew him better than I did - I should have listened to them!

I am sure your BF is a great guy - the others have made great suggestions.
Yep, like I said later:
post #14 of 15
I'm so pleased she's ok, and now that you know, like the vet said this will take a lot of patience.

But please stick with it, it could take weeks, or even months before they accept each other, but tell bf not to be upset and take things one day at a time.

Rosie didn't accept Sophie at first and she was only 6 weeks old!, so you can imagine what two adult cats are going to be like, especially when your cats only been used to sharing her home with you

But please don't give up, and give us updates on them
post #15 of 15
Sounds as if the list of candidates for the Madison's behavior are being narrowed.

Does your boyfriend apply aftershave, or any scented deodorant that might be offensive to Madison? Just a thought.
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