medicine, redneck style

Sorry in advance to any rednecks out there!
Hillbilly Medical Terms

Benign..........................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria........................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium..........................What you do with dead folks.
Cesarean Section........A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan.........................Searching for the cat.

Cauterize.................Made eye contact with her.
Colic.........................A sheep dog.
Coma.......................A punctuation mark.

D&C.........................Where Washington is.

Dilate........................To live longer than your kids do.

Enema................Not a friend.
Fester.................Quicker than someone else.

Fibula.................A small lie.

G.I.Series...........World Series of military baseball.

Hangnail............What you hang your coat on.

Hospital.............The biggest building in town, other than Joe's feed warehouse or Franks lumber mill.

Impotent...................Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain...............Getting hurt at work.

Morbid.....................A higher offer than I bid.

Nitrates....................Cheaper than day rates.

Medical Staff...........A Doctor's cane, sometimes shown with a snake.

Node.........................I knew it.
Outpatient................A person who has fainted.

Pap Smear...............A fatherhood test.

Pelvis........................Second cousin to Elvis.

Post Operative........A letter carrier.

Recovery Room......Place to do upholstery.
Secretion.................Hiding something

Tablet......................A small table to change babies on.

Seizure.....................Roman emperor who lived in the Ceasarean Section.

Terminal Illness.........Getting sick at the train station.
Tumor.........................More than one.

Urine...........................Opposite of mine.

Varicose.....................Near by

Thanks fer the impotent infermashun, I already node it, but you wrote it fester than me!
Urine had tumor than mine, but that don't make you my enema, they was both varicose!

I gotta go through the bacteria now and have me a catscan, say Hi to Pelvis fer me!

LOL! Those were good!

:laughing2: I'm particularly fond of 'Cauterize.................Made eye contact with her.'

More Hillbilly words:


CHEER - A piece of furniture. "Draw up a cheer and set a spell."

CHORE - Possessive pronoun. "Is that chore dog?"

FUR PIECE - Long distance. "Hit's a fur piece to the city."

LAW - An exclamation. "Law ain't he growed since I seed him last!"

PAYS - Peas. Green vegetable that grows in a pod.

SEED - Past tense of see. "I seed him t'other day."

YOU'NS - You. You all. All you. Y'all.

YOURN - Yours. "Izzat dog yourn?"

YALLER - The color of ripe lemons.

A Hillbilly and proud of it. Now where did I put those shoes!

:LOL: Reading those reminded me of Tom from Survivor Africa

Those were great you guys! :laughing2:laughing2:laughing2

WHO SAYS REDNECKS AREN'T BRIGHT?

"Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes, what do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes,
they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house. "Hey Billy Bob! Did
the FBI come?"

"Yeah."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Happy Birthday Buddy! "