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Love Tales 3: For LOYALTY or for UPGRADING of significant other.

post #1 of 27
Thread Starter 
The question for today is:
Would you stay with your significant other if someone better turns up?

Your current significant other is not a bad person and is quite good and you would be quite happy spending the rest of your life with that person.
The CURRENT model is about 80% of your ideal/dream.
The NEW model is about 90% of your ideal/dream.

Assumptions:
1) We can somehow instantly measure how much a person meets your IDEAL and can place it in a numerical form.
2) The NEW upgrade is a loyal person and would stay with you.
3) There is no cheating or anything involved, if there is an upgrade as means breaking up.
4) Assume that you are in a relationship, if you are not.

Explanation of Choices:
1) Always LOYAL
Self explanatory, never upgrade even if you are out with the person for only a short while.

2) Loyal unless we just started DATING or NOT in SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP
Based on your own definition of a serious relationship. Could be when both sides say I love you or, could be after a period of time, etc

3) Upgrade unless MARRIED
Even if you have been dating the person for 5 or 10 years you would still upgrade. One assumption is that no kids are involved. This includes people who are in a relationship that is almost like a marriage, such as people who do not believe in marriage or people who cannot get married.

4) Upgrade unless there are KIDS involved
If the couple has kids together whether is it through natural means (even if aided by science) or adoption.

5) Always UPGRADE
Would upgrade to a better model, always.

6) Others
If there is something which is not reflected or captured by the choices.

THROUGH THICK AND THIN:
Another question to ask is this:
If you significant other stood by you through a particularly difficult time, illness, pursuing your dreams, or school, etc then would this have an impact on your decision to stay with the person? What if you knew the NEW model if he/she was there would have done the same.

FINAL WORDS:
Today's thoughts on love have been brought to you by the 1993 Canadian case of Caratun v Caratun, where the husband divorced the wife shortly after getting his dentistry license. The wife had worked to put him through school.
post #2 of 27
I could NEVER find anyone better than my hubby, David. Thats because there IS NO-ONE BETTER!

I you my baby, David!

~SARAH~
post #3 of 27
ive been happily married for 5 years,was UN-happily married for 20 years.so dont think theres anyone who could be better than charlie
post #4 of 27
When you're in love, the person you're with IS the absolute best possible. 100%. If you're not in love, you shouldn't be together at all.

If I was just dating someone and wasn't in love yet, then met someone who seemed to be more my type or better suited for me, I'd date them both, since it's not a committed relationship, until I fell in love with one of them (or someone else).

If I was in any sort of exclusive relationship and thought for one second that someone might be "better" I'd leave regardless of whether or not I wanted to persue a relationship with that person, because it's just a waste of time if you stay with someone you're not in love with. I think that if you think your significant other is "quite good" but there might be someone better, you're settling and just simply content.
post #5 of 27
Just a word of warning to everyone here. This is a public board. It is here for anyone who has access to the computer to see, and this is an public poll which also means everyone can see which option you chose.

I recall when I first joined the board, a long standing and valuable member of the board had to leave because she had used her friends here to vent to, and while she was going through a separation/divorce her husband found everything she had posted to use against her both personally and in court. Don't think it can't happen. It can, and it has. This type of personal information may be best kept out of the public eye.
post #6 of 27
I don't think it would be possible to find a "better model" than the one I've got.
There may be better looking men out there, but not as smart.
There may be smarter men out there, but not as nice.
There may be nicer men out there, but not as interesting.
No others like him. He's hot, very intelligent, interesting, loves critters, we've got a lot in common...I know when I've got it good.

Now, if I was just in a casual relationship with someone not as good as the guy I have now, I'd upgrade. But I think I've found the best there is.
post #7 of 27
Heidi is right. There have been a few people whose significant others used what they posted here against them and made their lives truly miserable. Be careful what you say here, especially if you are unhappy in your real life.
post #8 of 27
simple - always loyal

I love you Chris forever

thankyou for the warnings Heidi & MA, they are very important for us to hear.
post #9 of 27
I could never be with anyone else than Jeff. We have been together for 3 wonderful years. He makes me laugh and he supports me 110% in everything I do. I'm very blessed to have him in my life.
post #10 of 27
I agree with Purr, if you even have to stop and think about whether to 'upgrade' or not, then the relationship you're in isn't worth it.

If I was just dating someone, and someone better came along, then I would date the new man, no doubt at all. However, if I had been with someone for a year or more, I don't think I could be that cold hearted to just trade him in like a second hand car. You stick with those that have stuck by you IMO.
post #11 of 27
Gosh that is SUCH a hard question. I really don't know. I couldn't say until I was in that position. But seeing as my current partner Max satisfies everything in me 100% and is all I want or need and LOVE , I couldn't see anyone better actually coming along!!
post #12 of 27
Thread Starter 
Yikes, I guess I should have been clearer in my original post. This question is not directed at your current significant other per se. So if your current significant other is the PERFECT one then the question is, if you had been in a hypothetical relationship prior to meeting your current PERFECT boo boo would you upgrade to the person you are currently with?

My focus is just on the issue of whether would a person upgrade and is NOT a commentary on the person you are currently with. And it is not so much an issue of thinking of constant upgrading of course some people do that, but is focus on if someone hypothetically appears and that said person is better than the person you are hypothetically with.

Obviously, this is a public forum so if answering any questions here would affect your life, liberty or pursuit of happiness then shhhh don't answer.
post #13 of 27
I put Loyal unless not in serious relationship - there was a guy I stayed with even though things weren't completely working out, just meeting my current boyfriend made me realise I didn't want to work things out - he just wasn't right for me... Matt however, I can't imagine ever being without him - but I can't say for sure that things won't change for us in the future - I don't imagine it happening, but I wouldn't close any doors. But for me to even look at another guy as a potential boyfriend in the first place there ould have to be something wrong in my current relationship that means its not right for me anyway.
post #14 of 27
Well, for me it's a toss between 'before married' and 'not in serious relationship'. I voted for the latter but thinking about it, I should have chosen the former.

I'm not in a relationship - haven't been for a while, but I do know that in previous relationships I always wondered if there was someone better out there.

If I did meet this hypothetical 90 % man and did nothing about it, I would always regret it.... I'm terrible when it comes to over thinking situations and I would always think 'what if.....'.

reading what I've written - I sound shallow - but I'm not really
post #15 of 27
That's a hard question to answer when put in such a scientific sort of way.

The best I could vote was Other. I could never be with someone I wasn't 100% into, that's why I didn't have a boyfriend (or even kiss!) until I was just over 21. Thus, there would be no one to upgrade to (in my case).

Also, time has an effect on these things which I don't think is taken account of in here. The 80% correct person when you are 18 may only be 30% when you are 45.
post #16 of 27
To me, it makes sense to pursue what will make you happy. By that I mean if you're not already in a happy relationship. If you throw that away by having affairs, you're disloyal and unable to really commit to someone anyway, and you'll never be that happy.
My hubby is the best man for me - I can't even imagine being with another person. Remembering life before him feels strange!
post #17 of 27


I will divulge that I always went after the bad boys in my life, as I found them intoxicating and passionate and fun. I have relationshp after relationship with them, would upgrade easily, and take out a new model after the existing model showed some wear, some nicks, some dents. Then, I met my husbad (this is still years ago) who had bad boy looks and charm, but who, surprisingly, was decent, and kind, and steady, and loyal, and treated me like I was the apple of his eye. He made me feel beautiful when I wasn't; he never questioned my judgment; he was happy and healthy and always looked at our future with four eyes, not just two. I took him for granted for a long time, even having flings with what I thought were better models. Then I lost him very suddenly in an accident and never got to say goodbye.

The years after that were awful. No relationship worked, I missed all the goodness that he was about, and suddenly bad, charming boys made me ill. I saw all the emotional cancer that was growing in me and knew that it wasn't all the ugrading and looking at "better situations" that was going to fix me, but rather that I needed to fix me. Only then would I make the right choices and be happy with what I had.

No matter who you are with and who you go to, that new person will eventually get nicks, scars, dents, the body will become less shiny, and the mileage may start to show. It takes a deeper person, a deeper partner, to put out more preventative maitenance on the current model to keep it running smoothly, because vintage can last a lifetime if cared for properly.
post #18 of 27
I used to upgrade (or so I thought) then I realized that the upgrade wasn't an upgrade like thought it was and should have stayed with the person I was with orginally. In that case the damage was done. Then I meet my hubby and is the perfect person for me. Thank God. Been married for 8 years and two beautiful babies and two lovely furbabies.
post #19 of 27
Very scientific. I learned that what I thought was "ideal" wasn't really. My husband really didn't fit the ideal when I first met him (he knows this, no worries), but as I stayed by him and gave him a chance, he turned out to be perfect. So, speaking for myself, ideal is what I found when I was looking the other way...

Beth and Dave forever! Really! Blows my mind that someone really loves me , and I love him, that much.
post #20 of 27
After 11 years of being unhappy in a previous marriage, plus the pain that Joe and I went through together in the beginning of our relationship, this man is stuck with me for life!
post #21 of 27
ALWAYS loyal
post #22 of 27
Always Loyal
post #23 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by Big-Cat-Fan
I could NEVER find anyone better than my hubby, David. Thats because there IS NO-ONE BETTER!

I you my baby, David!

~SARAH~

ditto, Jeff is everything to me, we have been through good and bad times and have kept our relationship strong, we still kiss and hold hands, he still sorprises me and we are best friends as well as Husband and wife, we tell each other everything and i couldn't ask for a more, loving, kind, generous man.

there is no-one better than him, iv'e never met a guy who is so completely open and honest with me...plus he's damn cute too

marriage is forever, you don't just upgrade because you think something better has come along and if you do, you were never in love in the first place.

most people upgrade because they crave that everything is perfect, new love feeling but what they don't realise is that eventually every guy is going to pick his toenails and snore until three in the morning....then what? do you move on again?

luckily i have kept a little of the new love feeling, the romance, holding hands etc but the relationship also has a new type of love now and it's better, it's stronger and sort of comforting, it's the kind of love where you know it's not new but you are comfortable with each other and have a more stable love, something you know will last forever .





felicia
post #24 of 27
Quote:
Then, I met my husbad (this is still years ago) who had bad boy looks and charm, but who, surprisingly, was decent, and kind, and steady, and loyal, and treated me like I was the apple of his eye. He made me feel beautiful when I wasn't; he never questioned my judgment; he was happy and healthy and always looked at our future with four eyes, not just two.
He sounds so much like my husband, i am so sorry for your loss


Quote:
No matter who you are with and who you go to, that new person will eventually get nicks, scars, dents, the body will become less shiny, and the mileage may start to show. It takes a deeper person, a deeper partner, to put out more preventative maitenance on the current model to keep it running smoothly, because vintage can last a lifetime if cared for properly.
Very well said and so true



felicia
post #25 of 27
I picked always loyal.

I've never upgraded, I tend to end things if they're not right, even if I don't have anyone new lined up. And it's not like I need a man around. I'm a really introverted person, so I don't mind when I'm single.

Not that I've been single since my Junior year in high school, four and a half years ago, but it sometimes feels like it, since my boyfriend has been in the Navy for four years of that (actually, four years on the 15th). I wouldn't trade him in for anything, though.
post #26 of 27
Loyal unless in a serious relationship but I want to also say by serious I mean I can see it ending in marriage and the whole shebang. However I also don't stick around in relationships that aren't working for me and that I don't see going anywhere so I don't think I'd ever face this discision. I just can't justify wasting my time on someone that doesn't work for me...that's probably why I'm always single. But then I kind of like being single so he would have to be a bang up guy to talk me out of my singlehood.
post #27 of 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by bumpy
Yikes, I guess I should have been clearer in my original post. This question is not directed at your current significant other per se. So if your current significant other is the PERFECT one then the question is, if you had been in a hypothetical relationship prior to meeting your current PERFECT boo boo would you upgrade to the person you are currently with?

My focus is just on the issue of whether would a person upgrade and is NOT a commentary on the person you are currently with. And it is not so much an issue of thinking of constant upgrading of course some people do that, but is focus on if someone hypothetically appears and that said person is better than the person you are hypothetically with.

Obviously, this is a public forum so if answering any questions here would affect your life, liberty or pursuit of happiness then shhhh don't answer.
Bumpy, it looks like no one can separate themselves from their real relationships and look at this hypothetically. Me either! I would NEVER leave my BF because I love him and he's my soulmate!
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