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*a small rant* Mom's boyfriend..grrr

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
Yesterday Keith (mom's bf) was outside arguing with Mom...and well I decided to go out there...well he started putting my kittens in a box to take them away! I was furious...I took them out of the box and he told me to put them back in there...haha like I was going to listen?...His reason for this was because they messed on the carpet that we have stored under the carport BUT his lil puppy messes in the living room in the house and he doesn't even clean it up. He's been wanting my kittens gone since they were born. When they were first born him and his brother were going to take them away (I'm assuming to throw them in the river). I'm so tired of this man. He keeps mentally abusing my mom and it's not very good for me and my sister either. I've never been so mad in my life as I get with Keith. He's gotten up in my face recently yelling at me. *sigh*

Sorry that this is a weee bit long. But if you guys read all of it thank you very much <3
post #2 of 28
That is terrible!, is there anyway you can get out of this situation and try and talk your mom out of it too?

A person that would hurt an animal is a terrible human being.
post #3 of 28
Thread Starter 
It's not just my animals I'm worried about I'm worried about my mom too...my sister and I have tried and tried to tell her that she doesn't need to be with him...he's also a drug addict...which is the cause of most of this crap, but he won't change for us...she wants to stay until she can get things evened out and we can get on our feet.
post #4 of 28
Sounds like you, your mom and sister would be better off without this guy in your lives. Have you expressed your concerns to your mom?
post #5 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by xinkforbloodx
It's not just my animals I'm worried about I'm worried about my mom too...my sister and I have tried and tried to tell her that she doesn't need to be with him...he's also a drug addict...which is the cause of most of this crap, but he won't change for us...she wants to stay until she can get things evened out and we can get on our feet.
Does your mom have a job? I don't know what to tell you. If she doesn't want to leave him until she feels she can support you guys without him, then she won't. My only advice is to keep telling your mom, stay away from him as much as possible, and keep your kitties away from him too.
post #6 of 28
Thread Starter 
yes we've expressed our concerns. she knows he's not good. he's been pulling this crap for a year now...so yeah he needs to be gone. my fiance has offered for me to stay and live with him and his family...but I would feel like I would be imposing...*sigh* I don't know I just want him gone!
post #7 of 28
Please, please, please urge your mom to get help. Mental abuse IS domestic violence and, even if he has not been physical with her yet, it could VERY easily get to that point. If your mom would like help getting out, give her this #: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Calls are free and confidential.
Please feel free to PM me if you'd like. This is what I do for a living and I'd love to help you if I can in any way.
post #8 of 28
Thread Starter 
He grabber her arm the other night and I was furious! I got so scared. I had never seen him do that before.
post #9 of 28
That's how it starts- and, as I said, it could easily escalate and quickly.
He had no right to do that to her and she has done nothing to deserve it (no matter what he might say on the contrary).
post #10 of 28
Thread Starter 
I know, but there's always me or my sister at home. If he hits her he wont' be able to get up.
post #11 of 28
You need to get help, and get help NOW. These types of men use women and abuse women because they feel badly about themselves.

They also abuse pets because they are venting all that misery (misery of themselves being in existance... "self hatred").

Get everyone out OR get him OUT now!

And PM Amy (ugaimes) please! Amy is the one to talk to!!!!!!!
post #12 of 28
Thread Starter 
i've told my mom many times lets go back to nana's (her mom, my g-ma) and she refuses! we could already be out and away from him but noooo
post #13 of 28
can you and your kitties go back to your nan's? I mean, I understand your wanting your mum safe and all, but if she's not leaving to do right by you and your sister, you both need to do right by yourselves.
post #14 of 28
Thread Starter 
I know, but she doesn't want me to move back to Nana's. Because she can't get away to see me enough when I'm here...I've moved to Nana's before only to be promised that things will be ok at the houes and I got back (give it a month) and things go down the drain again. My fiance and his family have offered for me to move in with them, but I don't know..
post #15 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by xinkforbloodx
I've moved to Nana's before only to be promised that things will be ok at the houes and I got back (give it a month) and things go down the drain again.
It's called the Cycle of Abuse- and it does not stop. He tells your mom that he'll never hurt her (either physically OR emotionally) ever again, she believes it because she wants to believe it or because he truly is convincing, things go well for just a little bit (it's called the Honeymoon Phase), but the abuse inevitably starts all over again.
This cycle WILL not stop until he gets major help (in the form of psychotherapy) or your mom safely gets out of the relationship- period.
post #16 of 28
Thread Starter 
he's a drug addict if he's off the freakin' meth he's not bad at all...but guess what? he's not off of it...grrrr...
post #17 of 28
Drugs quite possibly may contribute to his behavior (OK, they definitely do) but he can by no means use that as an excuse. If he claims that drugs make him "out of control" then he would be abusing everyone and everything- not just your mom. But his abusive behavior is very focused (on your mother) and very much "in control." He definitely should get treatment for his drug addiction, but is that guaranteed to stop his abusive behavior? No way Josรƒยจ!
post #18 of 28
Sweetie, you need to get you and your sister out of there. I know you love your mom and want to be there for her, but SHE is the mother and if she refuses to provide a safe environment for you girls, then you must do it yourself. You are not responsible for your mom's actions. Go to Grandma's if you can with your sister as soon as possible.

Perhaps if she realizes you definitely are not coming back until he's gone, she may actually make him leave or leave him herself.

Please for your own safety and your sister's, go as quickly as possible and take your animals with you.
post #19 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by xinkforbloodx
I know, but there's always me or my sister at home. If he hits her he wont' be able to get up.
When (if?) he crosses the line into physical violence, you need to call the police. Do not get involved. A strong man can easily take on 3 women, and he may just escalate and really hurt you all.

And I hope your fiance is cut from a different cloth? Substance free and respectful? (I'm sure he is, just gotta ask!)
post #20 of 28
Thread Starter 
becki, he sure is. jeremy is nothing like keith. the only thing he does is drink once ina blue moon. he is nothing like him, thank god!
post #21 of 28
hmm, from your profile you seem to be 20? or 21 already.
Now im about to be 19 and i moved out early this year, it was a big relief for me.
I feel so bad for my mother but there is nothing i can do.

My dad isnt a horrible person, he just cannot stand my mother being an alcoholic, when she goes too far this is when he will hit her.
My parents have had happy times, but her alcohol has control of her life.

Because you are now old enough, i would suggest you to move into your own place with your sister or with just your fiance, Moving with your fiances family isnt a bad idea, you will not be intruding if they have offered them selves for you to stay, I will just say to you that in every family there is conflict, even with his mother, father, sister, ect..

To make that step is very hard, i had a person who loved me and helped me go through it, you will cry, feel sh*t, and maybe even blame your self about the situation but after 2 - 4 weeks you will feel so much better and look back to see that you have done the right choice to move away from the bad things.
I know it will definetely be hard watching your mother being dragged down by this man, i think about my mother every day to see if she is being a good woman and keeping down her alcohol. I see her once every 1 - 2 weeks and i miss her terribly, but i know as soon as i see her drunk i will be pleased that i have another home to go to...
I know its not the same situation, but my parents need to be appart, like your mother needs to be appart from somebody who is sick and needs help.
If you want to chat you can pm me, i know how scary this time can be,

All i had was TCS, ben and teufel, TCS got me by and helped me alot.

I just want you to take this advice, because i cannot stand to see another young woman be hurt by somebody. Especially from a abusive man
post #22 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite
Please for your own safety and your sister's, go as quickly as possible and take your animals with you.
...I agree with Linda.......stay safe please...
post #23 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite
Sweetie, you need to get you and your sister out of there. I know you love your mom and want to be there for her, but SHE is the mother and if she refuses to provide a safe environment for you girls, then you must do it yourself. You are not responsible for your mom's actions. Go to Grandma's if you can with your sister as soon as possible.

Perhaps if she realizes you definitely are not coming back until he's gone, she may actually make him leave or leave him herself.

Please for your own safety and your sister's, go as quickly as possible and take your animals with you.
She should take the responsibility of being a mother. The responsibility of keeping everything from completely falling apart should not be on your shoulders. You have two choices of a safe place to live and you have the chance to keep your kittens safe. Keith has tried to harm them at least twice. PLEASE go stay with your Nana or your fiance asap. I hope your sister decides to stay with your Nana.
post #24 of 28
Aww I have no advice for you, but
post #25 of 28
I understand that you are worried about your mom, but this may be the wakeup call that she needs. If you and your sister leave your mom will see that you are serious about things have to change. Tell her that you love her and you support her, but for your own, your sisters, and your pets' safety you have to leave. THEN DO IT! Do not keep saying you will do it and then never do, you have to follow through, so she knows you are serious. Another thing, why does your mom have to be the one to call the abuse hotline that amy gave you? you are there, you see it, possibly even been subject to it. And another thing, meth is an illegal drug, period. illegal is illegal, report that your mom's boyfriend is using meth to the police, and ask them not to use your name. That is a sure fire way to get him out of the house. I know someone who got hooked up in meth and because he and his dad got in a fight in the morning, that night he went in and shot him in the face. He had no history of being violent. This guy does! As it has been noted all over this site, esp. in IMO, people who are cruel to animals are much MUCH more likely to become serial killers. I am not really trying to scare you, just trying to open your eyes to the fact that this is a life or death situation if left to brew long enough.
post #26 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by ugaimes
Please, please, please urge your mom to get help. Mental abuse IS domestic violence and, even if he has not been physical with her yet, it could VERY easily get to that point. If your mom would like help getting out, give her this #: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Calls are free and confidential.
Please feel free to PM me if you'd like. This is what I do for a living and I'd love to help you if I can in any way.
I hope that you have contacted Amy regarding this. She will have the best advice and information for you. Please stay safe!
post #27 of 28
Yes, you and your sister MUST leave. And I agree it could very well be the wake up call your mother needs. Like many others, I've also been in an abusive relationship, and believe me, he won't stop, but only get worse. PLEASE help your mother by helping you and your sister get out.
post #28 of 28
How old is your sister? If she is a minor, then your mother may be guilty of child endangerment since there is drug use in the home...not to mention the high potential for physical violence by that drug user. You might want to tell her this...and if it doesn't get her attention, call Child Protective Services.
Even if your sister is over 18, you might want to call Social Services anyway...your local Department of Human Services office has social workers who are trained to help people deal with and get out of abusive situtations. They also have a LOT of resources to direct you to. Social workers aren't just for abused or neglected kids...they're also for adults who are having rough times.

And PM Amy!! She knows what she's talking about and can probably help you.
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