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My half sister, is the divorced mother of two toddlers... my nephews, and she usually has trouble getting them babysit (She is a photographer). Now, since I am homeschooled which means I am often at home and home alone at that, she leaves them to me... its somewhat frequent and regularly when this happens. The older one is four, the younger girl is two. Its been like that for months, although its been far more frequent lately. To understand the reasons, you must understand my sisters story: When she was in the military she met a guy, and she basically fell instantly in love with him, and they got married. However, he turned out to be, an a** who divorced and left her to her luck on the excuse that "It turns out I didn't really loved you that much" - right after her having her second baby. He even refuses to look after them, which is the main reason that I have been up to the task.

I've gone today into one of those thinking trips where I reflect that I've been helping bottlefeed them since Fiorela (the smaller girl) was a newborn... I can't help it be amazed at all the love and attachment I've gotten for the two... how it still feels weird yet happy when Alejandro calls me "tÃ:censor:o VÃ:censor:ctor" (Uncle VÃ:censor:ctor). Remembering when Fiorela started opening the cabinets and turned the cans of cat food into projectiles flung all across the house among other memories...

And I've been in one of those trips since my sister told me I've by now become a father figure of sorts to them, out of how they love and like me so much. Alejandro is constantly talking about me. (she learned even about how I've been using the 13 year old Sesame St. videos from when I was little to keep them distracted)... I must admit though I have been more like a love smothering mother to them. And yes, I have heard the question of why the sky is blue.

There's the additional thought, of how helping raise two nephews has been the best incentive a teenager can have for using a condom. (I don't want to have to do that 24 hours a day)

Yet the biggest reason that leads me to posting this, is that I can't help it have the extremely sobering gut feeling of "VÃ:censor:c, you are only 16, and you have two kids who look up to you as a role model..." Its the type of thought that hit me like a freight train when it came to me.

Don't know... just so many strange emotions now that I think about it.