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Cat Commandments

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
Anyone believe these?





Cat Commandments





>^''^< Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard

when thy human is on the puter.


>^''^< Thou shalt not pull the phone cord
out of the back of the modem.



>^"^< Thou shalt not unroll all of

the toilet paper off the roll.


>^"^< Fast as thou art, thou cannot
run through closed doors.



>^''^< Thou shalt not projectile vomit from

the top of the refrigerator.



>^"^< Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or

act as thou art not transparent.


>^"^< Thou shalt not push open the bathroom
door when there are guests in the house.



>^"^< Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party

and commence licking thy butt.


>^"^< Thou shalt not lie down with thy
butt in thy human's face.





>^"^< Thou shalt not leap from great heights

onto thy human's lap region.


>^"^< Thou shalt not re-set thy human's
alarm clock by walking on it.



>^"^< Thou shalt not climb on the trash can with the

hinged lid, as thou wilt fall in and trap thy self.


>^"^< Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat
just as thy human is sitting down.


>^"^< Thou shalt not jump onto thy
sleeping human's bladder at 3 a.m.


>^"^< Thou shalt realize that the house is not
a prison from which to escape
at every opportunity.


}

>^"^< Thou shalt not trip thy human even

if they walketh too slowly.


>^"^< Thou shalt remember that thou are a
carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.


>^"^< Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.


"Who? Me?"
post #2 of 16
Great!! Very Funny!!
post #3 of 16
Ha! My girls must have missed that lesson!
post #4 of 16
Lucky cats don't pay attention to these otherwise they wouldn't be cats anymore!!

I love this one...

>^"^< Thou shalt not climb on the trash can with the hinged lid, as thou wilt fall in and trap thy self.

post #5 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by dawnofsierra
Ha! My girls must have missed that lesson!
Ditto here
post #6 of 16


I will have to show my kits this!! Maybe they will learn a thing or two.
post #7 of 16
I asked my five what they thought...here is their version.

Cat Commandments[center]


>^''^< "Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard
when thy human is on the puter."

Thee shall not ignore us when we want attention, such as when you are on the computer.

>^''^< Thou shalt not pull the phone cord
out of the back of the modem.


Thee shall always understand that any spaghetti things hanging will always be played with.


>^"^< Thou shalt not unroll all of

the toilet paper off the roll.


Thee shall never place toilet paper within reach, or it is commanded that it be killed, and it's innards be strewn down the hallowed hall. Additionally, God has commanded that all cardboard rolls be given us.

>^"^< Fast as thou art, thou cannot
run through closed doors.


Slow as thou art, Humans, you are not capable of realizing your invisibleness, and thus walls are a problem for you. We are gifted, thus walls are not invincible.


>^''^< Thou shalt not projectile vomit from

the top of the refrigerator.


Thou shalt, without fail, always clean up after our vomiting.


>^"^< Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or

act as thou art not transparent.


Thou shall not turn on the television to that channel without our permission.

>^"^< Thou shalt not push open the bathroom
door when there are guests in the house.


Thou shalt instruct guests that doors are not to be shut, lest God strike them dead on the toilet.


>^"^< Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party

and commence licking thy butt.


Thou shalt not entertain without sufficient cat treats to prevent us from licking our butts.

>^"^< Thou shalt not lie down with thy
butt in thy human's face.


Thou shalt not lay down on the bed.




>^"^< Thou shalt not leap from great heights

onto thy human's lap region.


Thou shalt not aim for the lap area. Thou shalt always aim for the head.

>^"^< Thou shalt not re-set thy human's
alarm clock by walking on it.


Thou shalt be appreciative of our efforts to allow you more time to play with us.


>^"^< Thou shalt not climb on the trash can with the

hinged lid, as thou wilt fall in and trap thy self.


Thou shalt not own trash can lids with hinges. Thou shalt always allow us to rummage in the garbage.

>^"^< Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat
just as thy human is sitting down.


Thou shalt not sit down if there is a risk of kitty-sitting.

>^"^< Thou shalt not jump onto thy
sleeping human's bladder at 3 a.m.


Thou shalt not have a full bladder at 3 a.m. Thou art commanded to get up, empty it, and play with us.

>^"^< Thou shalt realize that the house is not
a prison from which to escape
at every opportunity.


Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prision, but owned by the cats; thou shalt understand that you are only present because we allow it.

}

>^"^< Thou shalt not trip thy human even

if they walketh too slowly.


Thou shalt not walk slowly.

>^"^< Thou shalt remember that thou are a
carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.


Thou shalt remember that houseplants are a lesser form of life, and therefore are subject to existence at our whim.

>^"^< Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.

Thou shalt not scold, nor use water pistols, nor use loud, angry voices. Thou shalt just love us endlessly.


According to my 5, I am most certainly going to hell.

Best-
Michele
post #8 of 16
I have to teach Jasper to read
post #9 of 16
..........Good one´s!!!
post #10 of 16


If only Reilly would follow those commandments!!
post #11 of 16
post #12 of 16
Hmmm.....better show this to my fluff balls......they'll probably just ignore it though!
post #13 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thanks, Noni...I almost spit Diet Pepsi all over my desk when I started reading those retorts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
post #14 of 16
haha too cute
post #15 of 16
CJ said he isnt really the religious type, so they dont apply to him.
post #16 of 16
Thou shalt instruct guests that doors are not to be shut, lest God strike them dead on the toilet.


Haha! That is sooo funny!

Here I want to add some that my cats would say:

Thou shalt let our bretherin the lizards roam free throughout the house as we roam free, and not blame us when thy lizards cannot be found.

The Sink shall always be left running. You shall be smited if said sink is turned off, or if the water does not come out of the faucet at a desireable rate.

Every shelf must bow to our will. Anything placed on said shelf is in violation of God's wishes and shall be sentenced to death by gravity.
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