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Snuffly has gone
- Thread starter brianc
- Start Date
Brian-
When my husband and I knew that we would soon have to put Max down, he was totally devastated. He just couldn't stop sobbing every time he held him. About a week before the actual day, he started making a beautiful oak coffin for him. It was a piece of art-joined and sanded and stained. And when he picked him up for the vet, all he could say was " I feel like Judas". He's the one hesitating on getting another one soon. He's convinced another won't be as wonderful as Max. He really loved that cat. I don't consider him a "tough-guy" type but I don't usually see him loose it like that.So there are a lot of guys who love their cats; you just don't often hear about it.
Ann
When my husband and I knew that we would soon have to put Max down, he was totally devastated. He just couldn't stop sobbing every time he held him. About a week before the actual day, he started making a beautiful oak coffin for him. It was a piece of art-joined and sanded and stained. And when he picked him up for the vet, all he could say was " I feel like Judas". He's the one hesitating on getting another one soon. He's convinced another won't be as wonderful as Max. He really loved that cat. I don't consider him a "tough-guy" type but I don't usually see him loose it like that.So there are a lot of guys who love their cats; you just don't often hear about it.
Ann
OMG, Ann, I can't believe your husband actually made a little casket for your little furbaby. I haven't read anything so touching in ages. Bless his "real-manly" heart.
You need to convince him that there are way too many homeless cats out there who need the tenderness and compassion only that type of person can give.
You need to convince him that there are way too many homeless cats out there who need the tenderness and compassion only that type of person can give.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #24
What wonderful warm posts! Thank you again!
Ann, seeing how much your husband loved Max, I'm sure it can only be a matter of time before he comes around to wanting another. I'm sure that, if you love one cat, you can't help loving them all!
Ann, seeing how much your husband loved Max, I'm sure it can only be a matter of time before he comes around to wanting another. I'm sure that, if you love one cat, you can't help loving them all!
My husband is a very manly guy as well and I had never seen him cry. But when Norty passed, he was openly sobbing his eyes out. We bought a little wooden chest for Norty's ashes that is really pretty and keep it in our bedroom. I was surprised that he would get another kitty because he too was convinced that there would never be another as great as Norty. Well, he was right about that. There never will be, but that's ok, Jinxy has his own unique and sweet qualities but would never and could never replace Norty. He was the best!!!!!
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:angel2:
Brian, I am very sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts and prayers are definitely with you. I know how it feels to lose someone so close to you. But I have not been in the position where I have lost everyone. I have 3 other cats. So I could only imagine what it must be like for you. I hope that you find some comfort in knowing that they are in a better place. They are probably playing with my little Forrest and all of the other wonderful cats in "Kitty Heaven". And someday we ourselves, will meet them again...at the bridge. And if they always remain in your heart, they are with you always.
Forrest's Mommy
Brian, I am very sorry to hear about your loss. My thoughts and prayers are definitely with you. I know how it feels to lose someone so close to you. But I have not been in the position where I have lost everyone. I have 3 other cats. So I could only imagine what it must be like for you. I hope that you find some comfort in knowing that they are in a better place. They are probably playing with my little Forrest and all of the other wonderful cats in "Kitty Heaven". And someday we ourselves, will meet them again...at the bridge. And if they always remain in your heart, they are with you always.
Forrest's Mommy
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- #29
Thank you so much for that, Stephie.
I've just read Forrest's story, and I am so sorry. It reminded me so much of Snuffly - how she was sick for a while, then declined very quickly over a couple of days, and then, unbelievably, was gone.
You're so right about this place: mostly I don't tell acquaintances about Snuffly or Muffy, because you can see that people often are thinking "well at least it was only a cat". They just don't understand - but here everyone understands and are so, so kind.
I've not been here for a few days because I've been working very hard. I don't think it helps really: it takes my mind off of my girls during the day, but when I get home in the evenings, I feel like I've betrayed them by putting them out of my thoughts for a while. As you said about Forrest, we have to face it. It's the only way to be true to ourselves and to our lost friends.
Thinking of you,
I've just read Forrest's story, and I am so sorry. It reminded me so much of Snuffly - how she was sick for a while, then declined very quickly over a couple of days, and then, unbelievably, was gone.
You're so right about this place: mostly I don't tell acquaintances about Snuffly or Muffy, because you can see that people often are thinking "well at least it was only a cat". They just don't understand - but here everyone understands and are so, so kind.
I've not been here for a few days because I've been working very hard. I don't think it helps really: it takes my mind off of my girls during the day, but when I get home in the evenings, I feel like I've betrayed them by putting them out of my thoughts for a while. As you said about Forrest, we have to face it. It's the only way to be true to ourselves and to our lost friends.
Thinking of you,
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I know how you feel Brian. I recently got a new job...and it seems no matter how long you work, it will still never take your mind off of it. We lost Forrest on Dec.28th, and I find myself telling people at work about how wonderful he was. And they look at me kind of funny. But you know what, if they don't understand, I don't care. It makes me feel better to let anyone and everyone know how wonderful he was. So it does make me feel good to come here and hear from other people. Not that I want to hear bad news, but like myself, I like knowing that there are others out there that understand me.
So Brian, things will only get better. You won't forget, but you'll learn how to deal with it. The way you should and the way your pet would want you to. That's what good times were made for...you to remember them always.
Take care Brian!
Forrest's Mommy
So Brian, things will only get better. You won't forget, but you'll learn how to deal with it. The way you should and the way your pet would want you to. That's what good times were made for...you to remember them always.
Take care Brian!
Forrest's Mommy
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #31
You are so right, Steffie, in everything you say. I feel now that I can at least talk about how Snuffly passed on - a few weeks ago, I couldn't even bear to think about it.
When we went to bed, she seemed as lively as could be expected for a very energetic cat who had just lost her sight. We had no idea that she was as sick as we now know she was. But in the morning, I found that she had forced herself into a very small gap between a bookcase and a wall, and that is where her life came to an end. The gap was so small that I had to move the bookcase to get her out, and was so small that she was still standing - there wasn't room for her to lie down.
I don't understand why she did such a strange thing, except that it is obvious she was in enormous distress. I am haunted by the fear that maybe she got herself into this corner and couldn't get out again - that maybe she was struggling in terror. My partner even woke during the night, and she heard Snuffly cry out, just once. She thought nothing of it, because Snuffly often stalked around the house and occasionally yowled in the night. But now, we can't help thinking, what if?
It's crazy, I know, because we had no way of forseeing or knowing what was happening, but we feel such a weight of guilt that we weren't there for her, that we didn't help her.
I'm sorry if anyone finds this as upsetting to read as I find it to tell - but I really am so grateful to you all for listening.
When we went to bed, she seemed as lively as could be expected for a very energetic cat who had just lost her sight. We had no idea that she was as sick as we now know she was. But in the morning, I found that she had forced herself into a very small gap between a bookcase and a wall, and that is where her life came to an end. The gap was so small that I had to move the bookcase to get her out, and was so small that she was still standing - there wasn't room for her to lie down.
I don't understand why she did such a strange thing, except that it is obvious she was in enormous distress. I am haunted by the fear that maybe she got herself into this corner and couldn't get out again - that maybe she was struggling in terror. My partner even woke during the night, and she heard Snuffly cry out, just once. She thought nothing of it, because Snuffly often stalked around the house and occasionally yowled in the night. But now, we can't help thinking, what if?
It's crazy, I know, because we had no way of forseeing or knowing what was happening, but we feel such a weight of guilt that we weren't there for her, that we didn't help her.
I'm sorry if anyone finds this as upsetting to read as I find it to tell - but I really am so grateful to you all for listening.
Brian-
Remember that cats often want to go into small spaces when they are sick or distressed or dying. I guess it's nature's protection for them. The last few weeks that he was with us, we found Max in all sorts of places that he wasn't in the habbit of going into. Some of them were very tight. I sometimes had to drag him out to feed him and he would really get upset. He would have stayed there and starved if I hadn't.
As to guilt, I still feel like I murdered him. I know I didn't but it still feels like that. And my husband said that he felt like Judas. And I keep thinking if only I could have done something. We live near a very fine vet school and I think "if only I had really persued a course of chemo..." But it was pretty hopeless.I wouldn't do that to him, and make him suffer more, and to no end.
And then there was his screaming when the vet gave him the sedative. That will haunt me forever. But it had to be done and we did the best we could. But he did"not go gently into that good night"and raged "against the dying of the light.."
He always was somewhat independent.
Ann
Remember that cats often want to go into small spaces when they are sick or distressed or dying. I guess it's nature's protection for them. The last few weeks that he was with us, we found Max in all sorts of places that he wasn't in the habbit of going into. Some of them were very tight. I sometimes had to drag him out to feed him and he would really get upset. He would have stayed there and starved if I hadn't.
As to guilt, I still feel like I murdered him. I know I didn't but it still feels like that. And my husband said that he felt like Judas. And I keep thinking if only I could have done something. We live near a very fine vet school and I think "if only I had really persued a course of chemo..." But it was pretty hopeless.I wouldn't do that to him, and make him suffer more, and to no end.
And then there was his screaming when the vet gave him the sedative. That will haunt me forever. But it had to be done and we did the best we could. But he did"not go gently into that good night"and raged "against the dying of the light.."
He always was somewhat independent.
Ann
Oh, man can I relate to you...
I have so much guilt about Norty, that I still cry every day. Norty had never been sick a day in his life..truly. He was always a finicky eater and not a big eater either. All of a sudden, he would not eat his food. He would act like he wanted to eat it, by standing and meowing by his bowl, but when I'd give it to him, he's eat very little and it seemed like he was asking me for something different. So I would always give him a different flavor. Sometime he'd eat it, but mostly he would leave most of it over. I just figuered either he was finicky or he was getting older and that cats eat less when they get older. It was very, very gradual, and he was losing weight very gradually, but I didn't really notice. Then one day, he wouldin't eat at all. I fought for a couple of weeks with my husband about it, because he thought it would be too traumatic to take him to the vet, since he had not been in years and he was such a scairdy cat. But when he stopped eating, I put my foot down and he agreed.
They weighed him when we got to the vet and I almost passed out because I had not realized how much weight he had actually lost. They took a blood test and said he had a liver problem but would probably be treatable. They gave us meds but he did not get better. After less than a week, he was still not eating and was hiding in the house. Bad sign. We took him back and they put him on an IV all day. This is the part that makes me so, so sick. It was the 3rd of July. They wanted him to have the IV for another day, but they were closed on the 4th of July. We did not want to leave him there with no one to check on him, so we took him home that night. They did not tell me, but they left the line in his paw for the IV, because I guess they did not want to hurt him again the following day by putting it in again.
He was miserable with this line in him and on the way back from the vet, he was so full of fluid that he peed all over the box and himself. We had to give him a quasi bath, which he hates more than anything. This poor little guy had no energy, a needle in his paw and we were giving him a bath. He refused to let us dry him. He must have ben so cold.
Anyway the next day he was practically comatose. We were force feeding him, he could not move and kept on hiding. We thought he would die and the doctor was no where to be found!!! It was the longest day and night we had ever spent. We stayed up with him all night long. We fell asleep for a while in the am, and when we awoke, we found him in a very tight spot in the basement. Sound familiar?? We took him to a specialist that day, and they did an ultrasound and found out that his liver had stopped functioing and that they would have to put him to sleep. I was not prepared for that at all. I have never in my life cried like I did that day. I promised Norty that we would go to this doctor and that he'd make it better and we would bring him home. His last day on earth was so miserable.
I am so guilty. I am sure that I should have acted quicker. Still I do not know if anything could have been done, but maybe I could have prolonged his life or made it more bearable for him. I will never ever forgive myself. My poor baby!!!!
When we got our new kitten Jinxy, and got a new vet. I am so angry at our old vet. Now every time Jinxy sneezes I go to the vet., but that will not make what happened to Norty any better. I know I will be a better mommy to Jinxy, but that only makes me feel worse. I am crying my head off so I must sign off for now.
I have so much guilt about Norty, that I still cry every day. Norty had never been sick a day in his life..truly. He was always a finicky eater and not a big eater either. All of a sudden, he would not eat his food. He would act like he wanted to eat it, by standing and meowing by his bowl, but when I'd give it to him, he's eat very little and it seemed like he was asking me for something different. So I would always give him a different flavor. Sometime he'd eat it, but mostly he would leave most of it over. I just figuered either he was finicky or he was getting older and that cats eat less when they get older. It was very, very gradual, and he was losing weight very gradually, but I didn't really notice. Then one day, he wouldin't eat at all. I fought for a couple of weeks with my husband about it, because he thought it would be too traumatic to take him to the vet, since he had not been in years and he was such a scairdy cat. But when he stopped eating, I put my foot down and he agreed.
They weighed him when we got to the vet and I almost passed out because I had not realized how much weight he had actually lost. They took a blood test and said he had a liver problem but would probably be treatable. They gave us meds but he did not get better. After less than a week, he was still not eating and was hiding in the house. Bad sign. We took him back and they put him on an IV all day. This is the part that makes me so, so sick. It was the 3rd of July. They wanted him to have the IV for another day, but they were closed on the 4th of July. We did not want to leave him there with no one to check on him, so we took him home that night. They did not tell me, but they left the line in his paw for the IV, because I guess they did not want to hurt him again the following day by putting it in again.
He was miserable with this line in him and on the way back from the vet, he was so full of fluid that he peed all over the box and himself. We had to give him a quasi bath, which he hates more than anything. This poor little guy had no energy, a needle in his paw and we were giving him a bath. He refused to let us dry him. He must have ben so cold.
Anyway the next day he was practically comatose. We were force feeding him, he could not move and kept on hiding. We thought he would die and the doctor was no where to be found!!! It was the longest day and night we had ever spent. We stayed up with him all night long. We fell asleep for a while in the am, and when we awoke, we found him in a very tight spot in the basement. Sound familiar?? We took him to a specialist that day, and they did an ultrasound and found out that his liver had stopped functioing and that they would have to put him to sleep. I was not prepared for that at all. I have never in my life cried like I did that day. I promised Norty that we would go to this doctor and that he'd make it better and we would bring him home. His last day on earth was so miserable.
I am so guilty. I am sure that I should have acted quicker. Still I do not know if anything could have been done, but maybe I could have prolonged his life or made it more bearable for him. I will never ever forgive myself. My poor baby!!!!
When we got our new kitten Jinxy, and got a new vet. I am so angry at our old vet. Now every time Jinxy sneezes I go to the vet., but that will not make what happened to Norty any better. I know I will be a better mommy to Jinxy, but that only makes me feel worse. I am crying my head off so I must sign off for now.
Jacquie-
when cats are sick, it's so hard to tell! Max would do the same thing-go to his bowl, not eat, and I would say as I always do when he was fussy, "sorry, that's all this resteraunt sells!" Little did I know.
But I did buy everything on the grocery shelves to tempt him.Poor thing, he was so hungry and yet it must have hurt to eat.
But the vets couldn't find anything until I insisted they anesthitize him and look. The last thing the vet said was "If we find something it may not be good." And it wasn't.
Ann
when cats are sick, it's so hard to tell! Max would do the same thing-go to his bowl, not eat, and I would say as I always do when he was fussy, "sorry, that's all this resteraunt sells!" Little did I know.
But I did buy everything on the grocery shelves to tempt him.Poor thing, he was so hungry and yet it must have hurt to eat.
But the vets couldn't find anything until I insisted they anesthitize him and look. The last thing the vet said was "If we find something it may not be good." And it wasn't.
Ann
I'm so sorry Ann, that's so sad. Near the end I too was buying Norty everthing I could to get him to eat. Tuna, turkey, shrimp... He'd eat a bit, but I couldn't figure him out. Now it makes me so sick to think about how sick he must have felt. I was usually patient with him and would give him something else when he wouldn't eat, even though my husband told me not to. But other times I would yell at him for drving me crazy. Last night I dreamed that it was all a mistake and that Norty came back. In my dream a friend of my husband's catnapped him and finally returned him to us. We were so happy and were crying and kissing him. I woke up and I was so happy then I realized. The dream was so real. I really felt like we had him back.
I forget, Ann, what was it that Max died from. Was it a liver problem too? I cant wait to go home from work and kiss Jinxy a thousand times. I am so sorry about Norty, but Jinxy is such a joy in my life and cant begin to explain. I thank god for him. I think Norty sent him to me from heaven sometimes.
I forget, Ann, what was it that Max died from. Was it a liver problem too? I cant wait to go home from work and kiss Jinxy a thousand times. I am so sorry about Norty, but Jinxy is such a joy in my life and cant begin to explain. I thank god for him. I think Norty sent him to me from heaven sometimes.
Jacquie-
He had oral cancer under his tongue.
That must have been tough to wake up from that dream. I never dream about Max-I wish I could, especially a dream of his earlier self-it's hard to remember him from when he was young-I wish we had a video of him running around like a looney!
Ann
He had oral cancer under his tongue.
That must have been tough to wake up from that dream. I never dream about Max-I wish I could, especially a dream of his earlier self-it's hard to remember him from when he was young-I wish we had a video of him running around like a looney!
Ann
That's right, now I remember. That's just aweful. I'm so soryy.
Hopefully you have some nice pictures of Max. I have a lot of Norty and have just recently been able to go through my photo album. I also have some videos of Norty, but still have not yet been able to bring myself to watch it yet. I have had a bunch of dreams about Norty, but none as real as the other night. It was bittersweet actually.
Think about getting another kitty. Jinxy is the light of my life. It honestly does not make the pain of Norty go away at all though, which I was actually afraid would happen if that makes sense. I wanted to feel the pain, because I felt if I didn't, it would mean I was starting to forget Norty. But that most definitely did not happen as you can tell of my constant torment. However, I am so in love with my Jinxy and even though I have already started to think about the day I will lose him, it is more than worth it to see his sweet little face everyday. I recommend it highly. I didn't think I could feel that way again for another animal.
Norty is still always on my mind though. He was really the best!!
Try thinking about Max right before sleep for a while, and you may dream of him. That's what happens to me! Thanks forlistening to me whine!!!
Hopefully you have some nice pictures of Max. I have a lot of Norty and have just recently been able to go through my photo album. I also have some videos of Norty, but still have not yet been able to bring myself to watch it yet. I have had a bunch of dreams about Norty, but none as real as the other night. It was bittersweet actually.
Think about getting another kitty. Jinxy is the light of my life. It honestly does not make the pain of Norty go away at all though, which I was actually afraid would happen if that makes sense. I wanted to feel the pain, because I felt if I didn't, it would mean I was starting to forget Norty. But that most definitely did not happen as you can tell of my constant torment. However, I am so in love with my Jinxy and even though I have already started to think about the day I will lose him, it is more than worth it to see his sweet little face everyday. I recommend it highly. I didn't think I could feel that way again for another animal.
Norty is still always on my mind though. He was really the best!!
Try thinking about Max right before sleep for a while, and you may dream of him. That's what happens to me! Thanks forlistening to me whine!!!
Jacquie-
I will get another, after a two-week trip I'm going on in May.
Until then I play with the kitties at my barn, and at my friend's houses and anywhere else they happen to be...
I always think of Max at night-that's when I really cry for him. That was our special time. I'd whistle for him and he hopped right up. I first got him to come when I whistled because he was fascinated by the sound.(He was soo nosy!) Then I'd give him a treat.
Anyway, he'd snuggle right down by my side and purr like crazy and knead, then he'd fall asleep. If I woke up, he'd sometimes still be there and I'd touch him and go right back to sleep.
Every night I tell him goodnight and that I miss him and love him.
I have lots of kitten pictures and some teenage ones, but fewer of his mature years. As he got older, when we'd get the camera out for a particularly good shot, he always came over to find out what we were doing. We do have a few shots of his last month, as we realized he wouldn't be with us long. Unfortunately his coat was not looking good as he drooled all the time and he couldn't clean it.
Ann
I will get another, after a two-week trip I'm going on in May.
Until then I play with the kitties at my barn, and at my friend's houses and anywhere else they happen to be...
I always think of Max at night-that's when I really cry for him. That was our special time. I'd whistle for him and he hopped right up. I first got him to come when I whistled because he was fascinated by the sound.(He was soo nosy!) Then I'd give him a treat.
Anyway, he'd snuggle right down by my side and purr like crazy and knead, then he'd fall asleep. If I woke up, he'd sometimes still be there and I'd touch him and go right back to sleep.
Every night I tell him goodnight and that I miss him and love him.
I have lots of kitten pictures and some teenage ones, but fewer of his mature years. As he got older, when we'd get the camera out for a particularly good shot, he always came over to find out what we were doing. We do have a few shots of his last month, as we realized he wouldn't be with us long. Unfortunately his coat was not looking good as he drooled all the time and he couldn't clean it.
Ann
the worst
. Romeo used to sleep with me & Jake, too.... If I woke, I would pat both and pass back out. Jinxy is still getting to know us - so he sleeps in his own bed
. when I walk out to the barn sometimes I expect him to come running outa the bushes with his little squeek of a meow....
I tell him I miss him all the time too (thank goodness I'm not the only one who does this!):tounge2: , I think it will take a long long time, but as time goes, it gets easier. Sometimes I get pissed off that he's gone too. Does anyone else, or am I just wacky?:tounge2: If I'm having alot of trouble with Jake and Jinxy (which has become a rarity), I say "why did you have to leave, Romeo!
)... I dunno, I guess it's normal to go thru stuff like this..... okay, teary have to stop now.....
Ann, it really breaks my heart to hear you talk about Max. Your poor sweet baby. You just have to feel some confort in that he is no longer suffering. Norty did not sleep with us because he was very independant that way, but Jinxy does. He sleeps right by my side and I love waking up and feeling his warm soft fur against me. It must be so hard for you at night. All the more reason to hurry back from your trip and give another pussycat a home!! Maybe you can frame a good picture of him and hang it somewhere. I have said this before, but I do keep a chest with his ashes, a picture of Norty, and a commemorative plaque on an amoir in our room. I talk to it all of the time (No, Janet, I for one obviously do not think its weird!) I always tell him I love him before bed and whenever else I am sad. My husband thinks I should get it out of the room because it makes me so sad, but I would feel sad no matter where it is, and it helps to make me feel him close to me and I cannot move it. I need it there.
I hope you dream about Max tonight and that he is running and happy with a full coat of fur!! I am sure that is how he is and that's how he'd want you to think of him. I know it's so hard. I am very lucky that except for the last couple of days, Norty never appeared to look sick. I am so sorry that you have to bear that, it's hard enough that they have to go. Peace.
I hope you dream about Max tonight and that he is running and happy with a full coat of fur!! I am sure that is how he is and that's how he'd want you to think of him. I know it's so hard. I am very lucky that except for the last couple of days, Norty never appeared to look sick. I am so sorry that you have to bear that, it's hard enough that they have to go. Peace.
