I'm bummed/confused/irritated/po'd

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ali012281

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I think people are assuming the worst here. He's never hit her to where it hurts. I said that earlier. Maybe that was over looked and its only been a few times and I nag him every single time.


I'm ready to hit him.
 

loveysmummy

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Sorry if you feel this way, Beth. I, for one, didn't intend to bum you further.
Its just a sore point. And one people can be passionate about.

I also do not for one minute think he is a "nutjob". I only suggested that because any regular person facing this task and this separation would be feeling stress. I think that should be addressed. The intent of the psych. evaluation wouldn't be to label him as anything but rather give him the opportunity to get some real feelings out in a safe and unbiased manner.. I know I would need it and hope that soldiers get this kind of support.

I so feel for you and this upcoming separation and know that my heart does indeed go out to you....
I would be a basketcase. And it must be so stressful for you both.
You can at least take comfort in your animals when he deploys.

I know you will do your best.

I hope you can peacefully resolve things and enjoy your moments together until he has to leave
 

rosiemac

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Originally Posted by Ali012281

I'm ready to hit him.
Now theres no need to go that far!


Just follow the advice that everyones gave you with regards to Angel, because like you say you and hub havent got much time left and the last thing you both need is to part with bad feelings
 

hissy

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I did not mean to upset you, but I speak for the animals. Humans can handle things, they can understand changes in routine, bouts of anger, misdirected aggression and animals cannot. I am sorry you are upset with us, but in the same breath you say you want to hit your husband, so apparently you are just as upset with him as we are at the situation.

You asked for advice which you got, along with strong opinions. Having worked with abused animals for as long as I have, when someone hits an animal one time, it isn't long before he strikes out again. He may not be able to control it, but it will happen.

I do not consider you a weak person. I do consider that this puppy is caught in an unfortunate time of circumstances and she may easily become a victim instead of a pet.
 

amanda8501

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You need to give her time. one rule is never show anger for something that is in the past if you find poop in the hallway and you get mad at your dog. the dog doesnt know why your getting mad at them they just know that your yelling and they are scared. Dont ever hit your dog. hitting them in anyway even if it doesnt hurt them doesnt control the situation it makes for a dog with low self esteem and could lead to aggression problems.

To get your dog to not pee in the house let the dog outside evey hour you are home. Go outside with the dog and when she goes potty praise her and make sure you set one word for the action they are doing, so say your dog starts to squat say "good angle go potty" of course in a nice and friendly tone. dogs mentality is that they want to make you happy. if they know that it makes you happy when they pee outside then that is what they will do.
 
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ali012281

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I want to thank people for the advice that I did get. I didn't mean to give the view that Angel is abused though. Actually when I got home from work Angie was snoozin' on DH's lap. But boy was she excited to see me.
We spend a good 15 minutes playing and barking at each other.
She's such a joy to have around (when she isn't making booboos in the house
)

I think it was nailed on the head a few posts ago. I'm the basketcase right now. I've never had to be separated from DH before so I'm taking anything said against him as a personal attack... I'm so worried about him going. I've never been 'by myself' before. Its scarey. Thankfully I have you all to turn to.

I really do appreciate you all.

(As we speak Angel and Meish are nose to nose.... she warmed up to the puppy so fast)
 

hissy

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Glad to hear Peace reigns. I believe your anger was not at us, or your hubby but rather at a situation that is soon to leave the two of you separated for quite a long time. I wish you well and am glad you have a puppy to keep you company for when he leaves. Hopefully, the peace will last in your home.
 
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ali012281

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I told DH that he and I need to make a training plan for her while he is still home. I said no more hollering, no more spanking. I am personally a pointer when I get upset that she pees. I point, say NOOOOO and put her on her pad. She'll catch on eventually....

I don't know if I was totally angry with anyone but just.... sad. It made me think about things that were painful. I'm always second guessing and when someone brings something up that I know isn't correct I still ponder that fact. I am more angry with myself than anything. I stopped on the way home and got scented puppy pads... the ones that are supposed to attract them to do their business on the pad. We shall see....
 

hissy

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As I said, I am going through the same thing with China. Thankfully Vader goes and pulls the bell when he wants outside. But China is still having accidents, and will continue to do so until she figures out that inside the house is not her potty ground-


www.zero-odor.com is a GREAT product for this type of situation
 

rosiemac

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There we go, one big happy family again!


You know if your stressed when hub goes to iraq and you need to talk were all here for you Beth, plus you have Angel and Meish to keep you company
 

chiclett_33

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i only read the very first post, but do you have an area thats mostly tile you can confine the puppy too? or have the puppy outside longer at times?? i had a lot of puppy pads down..my dog learned fairly quickly. men just have weird tempers trust me i saw my dad get pretty angry with our dogs..which leads to my explosive temper!! haha..hmm...does DH (whatever that means?) get angry a lot over little things?? hm..has he ever had a dog himself? lol..well i hope all works well!! it seems like it goes on forever! but someday you'll have a potty trained dog and a calm no yelling DH!! people just handle things differently..but good luck!!!
 

loveysmummy

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Originally Posted by Ali012281

I told DH that he and I need to make a training plan for her while he is still home. I said no more hollering, no more spanking. I am personally a pointer when I get upset that she pees. I point, say NOOOOO and put her on her pad. She'll catch on eventually....

I don't know if I was totally angry with anyone but just.... sad. It made me think about things that were painful. I'm always second guessing and when someone brings something up that I know isn't correct I still ponder that fact. I am more angry with myself than anything. I stopped on the way home and got scented puppy pads... the ones that are supposed to attract them to do their business on the pad. We shall see....
I also wanted to add that you CANNOT train a dog to go inside and outside easily. You should pick one. IF you are training her on puppy pads, its very confusing for her when you get mad that she has accidents inside.
The girl is utterly confused right now. I would stay away from the pads if I were you and just train her to only go outside.
Also, don't punish when she makes mistakes. Just re-direct. re-direct. Re-diRect! Rush her outside as soon as you catch her going...I wouldn't use NO either. Its too time consuming and confusing.
I use "ahhhhhhh" rush to pick her up and rush her outside RIGHT THEN!!!
She WILL get it if you follow this.
 

journey

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Just wanted to ask.......this is not anything to do with the original poster's DH, but do you ever notice that a lot of men smack/hit dogs? It's almost like, they have been taught it or learned it from somewhere......

My mom and dad and brother had a dog when they lived on the Island. Unfortunately I never got to meet the sweetie and they don't have it now, but my mom mentioned something about the dog and training it mentioning in passing that my dad used to smack him to "train" him. I gasped and said - Dad SMACKED him? with an incredulous tone in my voice. She said in a defensive way - well, you know, not hard, just to train him.
I can't really see my dad doing that, he's actually a big softie when it comes to animals, and my mom would certainly NEVER lay a hand on anything but of course always defends my dad.

So I wonder - where did my Dad learn this? Do a lot of women do this too? Is it sort of like spanking your child?

Hmmm....just wondering.......
 

evnshawn

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Originally Posted by journey

Just wanted to ask.......this is not anything to do with the original poster's DH, but do you ever notice that a lot of men smack/hit dogs? It's almost like, they have been taught it or learned it from somewhere......

My mom and dad and brother had a dog when they lived on the Island. Unfortunately I never got to meet the sweetie and they don't have it now, but my mom mentioned something about the dog and training it mentioning in passing that my dad used to smack him to "train" him. I gasped and said - Dad SMACKED him? with an incredulous tone in my voice. She said in a defensive way - well, you know, not hard, just to train him.
I can't really see my dad doing that, he's actually a big softie when it comes to animals, and my mom would certainly NEVER lay a hand on anything but of course always defends my dad.

So I wonder - where did my Dad learn this? Do a lot of women do this too? Is it sort of like spanking your child?

Hmmm....just wondering.......
My brother, the kindest-hearted man ever, used "smacking" to train his Weimeraner, Thunder—though not to housebreak him. He really loved that dog, too. He put up with all kinds of shenanigans from him—Weimaraners act like puppies for a loooong time—and it tore him up when he had to have Thunder put to sleep (inoperable tumor). Maybe it is more a guy thing ...

I think that some men/people hit out of anger, and some hit because they think it's the right way to train. It's not fair to lump them all in one basket.
 

scamperfarms

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I agree with the pads vs the outside..We had to start Athena on pads because it was freezing cold winter here when we got her. and she had a naked little bellie and even with her sweater it still was to cold for her. Bassets are hard to house break as it is..but i tell you..it was even HARDER because of those darn pee pads. she would go to that corner even with no pads and think it was ok.

Its been a long road but we used the teather for us and it worked. shes doing MUCH better. cant say perfect she had an accident a few days ago. but it was my fault..i wasnt watching her signs.

That being said. we dont smack her or hit her..but steve had tapped her on the butt with his fingers and said no when she had an accident.
 
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