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I'm bummed/confused/irritated/po'd

post #1 of 35
Thread Starter 
I thought for sure getting Angel would be a great thing.

Okay so she is five months old and we all know puppies have weak bladders. DH gets overly angry when she piddles on the floor or poopies on the rugs. We take her out... she'll do her business out there.... then fifteen minutes later she is in the house and she piddles on the floor!! DH hollars.... spanks her (yeah I know, rotten... I hate it too but he doesn't listen)... and this morning her threw something in her direction when she piddled. Boy that got me out of bed quickly.

I know we have made a mistake letting her run free in the house and I've tried telling DH that even though she whines she needs to be in her playpen unless we can keep an eye on her AT ALL TIMES.

Anyway, DH and I got into a row this morning about puppy. I don't like how he gets overly angry with her... it makes me think that we did the wrong thing. I don't like listening to her whine in her play pen... and I really don't like DH hollaring at her to be quiet all the time. He keeps saying that he is fine, that I'm the one that will have to deal with her for a year while he is gone but then he adds "and I better not come home to a stained rug"........


Am I over reacting to his over reacting??

Does anyone have more advice that I could use (on both deal with puppy and DH. ) Thanks for listening.
post #2 of 35

my husband went through the exact same thing with anassa, she peed and pooped everywhere i didn't think it was possible for so much to come out of such a little puppy

once my husband went to the bathroom in the middle of the night and called me 'you might want to see this!' anassa had left a trail of poop all down the hall, seriously, iv'e never seen so much in my entire life

we also had very clean carpet before anassa and have since tried every carpet cleaner in the marker today, some of the stains are gone but the carpet will never be restored to it's former glory.

Jeff is simular to your husband, he won't throw stuff at her but he gets more angry at her than i do and it used to upset me and we also had arguments about her, a puppy is a huge responsibility, sure they look cute but they can be a lot of hard work and sleepless nights just like a baby.

nassa is a bit older now and she cry's at the door when she needs to go but boy did we go through hell when she was in the puppy stage!

i suggest you take her outside to go everytime she has drank or eaten something and every half hour through the day, you may still have accidents but this should help a lot, also, find a place for her to wee in the yard and take her to the same spot son she knows that's where she is meant to go.

sorry for what your going through, i know how hard it can be but it doesn't last forever.
post #3 of 35
as for your husband, once she stops peeing on the carpet as much try to teach her some cool stuff he will like, that should warm him up to her in no time, i'm sure he does love her, it can just be frustrating when they make a mess every day.

post #4 of 35
: I think you both need to chill a bit. You are absolutely right, she needs to stay in her playpen at all times if you can't watch her, and she should really be crate trained to reliably housetrain her. Even at that, it's usually about a year until you will feel like you can really trust her.

She needs to be crated every night. What we did with Kellie was let her have her last water a couple of hours before bedtime, make sure she'd peed, then we would give her ice to chew on/suck on during the night which would give her moisture without filling up her tiny bladder. To this day she comes running when she hears the ice dispenser on the refrigerator . If she has an accident while you're watching (she will) then just a sharp "No!" and picking her up right then and putting her in the approved spot (or outside) is the thing to do. Smacking her does good. For training I highly recommend a book called Good Owners, Great Dogs by Brian Kilcommons. Got my little rascal housetrained in jig time!
post #5 of 35
Beth i would tell hub to stop smacking and yelling at her for a start because thats enough to stress anyone
post #6 of 35
If your husband wont listen to you, maybe he'll listen to a professional dog trainer? Have you been attending puppy training classes with Angel? It certainly couldn't hurt!
post #7 of 35
People have different stress triggers and for your hubby, it sounds like the puppy is it!

Have him contact the Family Advocacy Program on post. They should have a free stress/anger management classe that he can attend and learn how to react in a healthier way next time the pup upsets him. His anger isn't fair to Angel
post #8 of 35
hmm, this is why cats are better
post #9 of 35
Dealing with that here first with Vader, now with China. It is no good to yell, smack, get upset or frighten a puppy. Over time, your husband is going to find out that this dog will simply be waiting for the right moment to attack him and will wait to do so if the throwing things and smacking and yelling doesn't stop. Or, you will create a terrified dog that slinks to you with head low,tail between the legs and no spirit. Is that really what you want?

You need to stand up for this puppy who cannot defend herself. If she is piddling all over the floor, put her in an area with tile, give her a puppy bed and block her in with puppy gates and let her stay there. Use puppy pads to train her to go outside. When she pees or poops on the floor let her, and stay cool. Take the puppy pad (wear rubber gloves) sop up the pee, or wipe up the poop. Carry the mess outside, put it all in the yard, then pick her up, take her outside, let her smell around, find the "mess" when she finds it, praise her, love on her, tell her "go pee" over and over. Then see if she does just that, and if she does, take treats out of your pocket, give her one, love on her some more or play with her then take her back inside.

It doesn't take long for them to understand, but the way you are describing your home, your husband needs anger management courses, and I wonder if he also turns anger in your direction? You don't have to answer that. But men such as you describe can be volitile, I know, I married one for ten years. If this puppy is a trigger, perhaps rehoming her would be a better option?

We have these cowbells hanging on the inside of our doors leading to our back property. They hang down to puppy level and the pups have learned that when they have to go pee, they go and pull on these bells and we open the door and let them out. Might be something you want to try-

Our pups are tearing up our floor in the bedroom. We are remodeling and they are "helping" I guess. We are hoping that with positive energy and redirection we can stop this behavior as well. My guess is there are animal smells coming from under the house and these two with their noses (they are German Shepherds) are going after the skunk, possum etc... We also cage the dogs every night, lettign them out when they whine to go outside and do their business and come back inside.
post #10 of 35
I don't have any experience with puppys or dogs, but I can see you have been given some very good advice above. I hope that it works out for the three of you
post #11 of 35
Hissy gives the best advice!

You definately need to crate train your puppy. If she is confined, she usually will not potty in her crate, as long as she is given ample time before being crated to do her business outside. Brynna did very well in her crate, with only a few exceptions that were my fault because she was left in too long.

If you can't watch your puppy for signs of having to go out, how are you going to housebreak her? Confine her to an area, use the puppy pads...do what Hissy says.

Just one note, if you put her in her crate at night, make sure it is in your room. They like to be in the same sleeping area as mom & dad, or you'll be kept up all night by crying and scratching.

Good luck to you. You all three sound majorly stressed out.
post #12 of 35
Thread Starter 
We do crate the puppy at night. In the day time (both dh and I work) she has a playpen with some water for her and a puppy pad in there. She does use the puppy pad if she has to pee during the day. DH goes home at lunch to take puppy out to potty. The longest she is alone is 3 hours and if it is longer our neighbor goes to let her out.

DH has never turned his anger toward me. I was actually really suprised when he lashed out like that. He hasn't hit the dog in a way to make her yelp, just gives her a smack and says NO. Today was the first time he threw something in her direction. It didn't hit her but made her nervous.

I gave DH a hard time about what he did this morning. I told him that her day is hectic because she doesn't have a set routine. He'll come home at noon or at one....

I personally know that when he goes to Iraq puppy will have an easier time training because it will be just me.

I don't want people to think bad about DH. I was so shocked to hear him this morning. Sure he's been upset with her before but today took the cake. He thinks she does these things on purpose. I told him that a dog doesn't do things with the intent just to irritate him. He and I need a heart to heart. I was really upset this morning when I wrote this message on the boards.

I think DH is getting more cranky with the upcoming deployment too.... he has a hard time opening up to me about how he really feels. If I were him I'd be terrified... but being female I have no problems talking about my feelings.... he just tries to be macho I guess. Too bad he doesn't realize that I don't care if he is a softie.

I told DH that Angel needs to be leashed to potty from now on and if she isn't RIGHT near us she is in the playpen. We'll see how that goes.

Thank you all for the advice.
post #13 of 35
It is your HUSBAND not the dog who needs training! IF he will hit an innocent dog what will he do to children?!

You need to get rid of this puppy before your dh harms it or makes it neurotic! ALL puppies need to be taken out almost immediately after eating and drinking, and either be confined to a play pen or a carrier or attached by a leash to your leg so you can pick it up the moment it starts to do it's business and put it outside!

THIS is something i have LEARNED! I was furious at my Mom/my big Poodle pup for doing this and I too yelled at him and pushed his nose in his mess. He learned BUT he also learned to duck and wince each time I raised my voice or hand! We BOTH paid the price so either get rid of your pup or make your dh GROW UP!
post #14 of 35
Originally Posted by ugaimes
People have different stress triggers and for your hubby, it sounds like the puppy is it!

Have him contact the Family Advocacy Program on post. They should have a free stress/anger management classe that he can attend and learn how to react in a healthier way next time the pup upsets him. His anger isn't fair to Angel
I honestly think that you should take Amy's post to heart..I don't think she was inferring that he may be abusive to you but rather, taking any stress out on Angel, is not a good or fair coping mechanism..

Man, I could so understand his anger and his fears...He is in the army, going to leave his family for a YEAR???!!! to live in a war-torn country...
I would be more than just a little stressed! I think that it should actually be mandatory for soldiers to have a psych. assessment before they deploy for anywhere. At least be given the opportunity to discuss their fears, stresses, and worries in a safe atmosphere.

That being said, it really really worries me that he is spanking this puppy or throwing things at her. MA is right. You need to step up here and take charge of the situation for her sake.
I don't care if my BF was going to the moon for a millenium and had his own concerns about that, the day he hits my animals is the day I punch him in the face and walk out the door with them.

Get the book that (can't remember who recpmmended it) by Brian Kilcommons. Great read!!
This puppy needs structure, training and support. Plus, he is actually MAKING THE PROBLEM WORSE by hitting her. You could tell him that.
She sounds like a good candidate for a submissive pee'er.

I wish you all the luck in the world solving this problem.
And I hope that he comes back home safe.
post #15 of 35
I have to agree with the above two posters. I know that he is under stress, heck who wouldn't be at the thought of going to Iraq. But tell him to go back to the base to the gym and hit some bags or swim some laps and chill out. You can handle his anger, Angel can't and you are creating a confused puppy who has no knowledge (yet) that she is doing anything wrong. I know when we first started training China to go outside- when she would miss and potty in the house, she had a special "I;m sorry" whine as she grew older. She knew she was doing something that wasn't right, but she was to small to control her bladder- plus she was ill and on medication which didn't help at all.

I would make Angel off limits to your husband if this is how he is going to treat her. If you can sit down and explain things to him great, but again, this puppy is looking at you to protect her. She is in her "pack" now, and one of the leaders is hurting her for no reason. Don't let her down-
post #16 of 35
Originally Posted by hissy

I would make Angel off limits to your husband if this is how he is going to treat her. If you can sit down and explain things to him great, but again, this puppy is looking at you to protect her. She is in her "pack" now, and one of the leaders is hurting her for no reason. Don't let her down-
I can't agree more with this last sentence. See things through Angel's eyes because the above is EXACTLY how she sees it.
post #17 of 35
have you considered tethering her to you anytime you are home? that way she is constantly with you-- its a pain at first but she will get the hang of it and it will help with walking on a leash as she grows up-- get a 6 foot leash and tie it around your waist or arm-- attach puppy and go about your day-- that way you can see her all the time and is you start seeing signs she needs to potty take her out then-- the every 30 minutes suggestion is great too--

hitting and spanking does nothing but makes dogs fear your hands or the object used to hit/spank. just be consistent-- it takes time-- just like human kids-- they dont learn to go to the toliet for a couple of years! LOL good luck!
post #18 of 35
Here are two articles on house training:

Crate training:

General house training information:

Hitting or punishing the dog does not work, will make matters worse, and may create a confidence or aggression problem.

Submissive peeing, a normal behavior in dogs, is NOT a failure in house training and needs a somewhat different tactic. (Most outgrow this at 7-8 months, but it can be greatly aggravated by a disciplinary approach.)

When properly done, house training does not have to be either a difficult or a particularly dirty task.
post #19 of 35
Thread Starter 
Right now I'm really disapointed at some of the finger pointing. Do you think that I WANT DH to go after the dog??? Did I not say that he and I had a row this morning about the incident???? I'm not supporting of his behavior at all. I completely intend to KEEP my dog. Because DH got this upset once doesn't me that I need to get rid of her. He's going away for AN ENTIRE YEAR.

And about the psych eval, the do a screening of soldiers before leave and they do debreifing when they come home as well. So no... he isn't a nut-job.

I said before I know we started out this training wrong but she's still new with us and that could be most of the problem. We got her from a home that wasn't strick with house training so I know that I need to be more diligent with the crate and all that.

I know DH isn't perfect. And I'm sure no one here is... I sure know that I'm not.

I'm seriously bummed now. Not only have you made me feel like I'm a weak person that I can't stand up for myself you've made me feel as though I'm just going to let my husband go after the dog and ruin her life. I posted here for advice because I've always valued the things that I've been told on this site and all I feel like I've recieved is a kick in the face. I really regret pouring my feelings to you.

All I can say is I have time to fix things with DH. I only have a few weeks/days with him left. I don't want this to ruin my last days with him... things would only get worse between him and I if it were left this way. Going away for extended amt. of time doesn't fix things.

He and I need a real talk tonight.
post #20 of 35
Beth, it's because were all animal lovers here, and we know that you are too!, but it's when we read about your husband smacking and yelling at the pup which concerned us.

I can only speak for myself here, whenever i hear something like that it really upsets me as i'm sure you understand?, because i get a mental picture of the scene, plus animals don't know any different as well as being unable to stick up for themselves.

Please don't take it too personally
post #21 of 35
Thread Starter 
I think people are assuming the worst here. He's never hit her to where it hurts. I said that earlier. Maybe that was over looked and its only been a few times and I nag him every single time.

I'm ready to hit him.
post #22 of 35
Sorry if you feel this way, Beth. I, for one, didn't intend to bum you further.
Its just a sore point. And one people can be passionate about.

I also do not for one minute think he is a "nutjob". I only suggested that because any regular person facing this task and this separation would be feeling stress. I think that should be addressed. The intent of the psych. evaluation wouldn't be to label him as anything but rather give him the opportunity to get some real feelings out in a safe and unbiased manner.. I know I would need it and hope that soldiers get this kind of support.

I so feel for you and this upcoming separation and know that my heart does indeed go out to you.... I would be a basketcase. And it must be so stressful for you both.
You can at least take comfort in your animals when he deploys.

I know you will do your best.

I hope you can peacefully resolve things and enjoy your moments together until he has to leave
post #23 of 35
Originally Posted by Ali012281
I'm ready to hit him.
Now theres no need to go that far!

Just follow the advice that everyones gave you with regards to Angel, because like you say you and hub havent got much time left and the last thing you both need is to part with bad feelings
post #24 of 35
I did not mean to upset you, but I speak for the animals. Humans can handle things, they can understand changes in routine, bouts of anger, misdirected aggression and animals cannot. I am sorry you are upset with us, but in the same breath you say you want to hit your husband, so apparently you are just as upset with him as we are at the situation.

You asked for advice which you got, along with strong opinions. Having worked with abused animals for as long as I have, when someone hits an animal one time, it isn't long before he strikes out again. He may not be able to control it, but it will happen.

I do not consider you a weak person. I do consider that this puppy is caught in an unfortunate time of circumstances and she may easily become a victim instead of a pet.
post #25 of 35
You need to give her time. one rule is never show anger for something that is in the past if you find poop in the hallway and you get mad at your dog. the dog doesnt know why your getting mad at them they just know that your yelling and they are scared. Dont ever hit your dog. hitting them in anyway even if it doesnt hurt them doesnt control the situation it makes for a dog with low self esteem and could lead to aggression problems.

To get your dog to not pee in the house let the dog outside evey hour you are home. Go outside with the dog and when she goes potty praise her and make sure you set one word for the action they are doing, so say your dog starts to squat say "good angle go potty" of course in a nice and friendly tone. dogs mentality is that they want to make you happy. if they know that it makes you happy when they pee outside then that is what they will do.
post #26 of 35
Thread Starter 
I want to thank people for the advice that I did get. I didn't mean to give the view that Angel is abused though. Actually when I got home from work Angie was snoozin' on DH's lap. But boy was she excited to see me. We spend a good 15 minutes playing and barking at each other. She's such a joy to have around (when she isn't making booboos in the house )

I think it was nailed on the head a few posts ago. I'm the basketcase right now. I've never had to be separated from DH before so I'm taking anything said against him as a personal attack... I'm so worried about him going. I've never been 'by myself' before. Its scarey. Thankfully I have you all to turn to.

I really do appreciate you all.

(As we speak Angel and Meish are nose to nose.... she warmed up to the puppy so fast)
post #27 of 35
Glad to hear Peace reigns. I believe your anger was not at us, or your hubby but rather at a situation that is soon to leave the two of you separated for quite a long time. I wish you well and am glad you have a puppy to keep you company for when he leaves. Hopefully, the peace will last in your home.
post #28 of 35
Thread Starter 
I told DH that he and I need to make a training plan for her while he is still home. I said no more hollering, no more spanking. I am personally a pointer when I get upset that she pees. I point, say NOOOOO and put her on her pad. She'll catch on eventually....

I don't know if I was totally angry with anyone but just.... sad. It made me think about things that were painful. I'm always second guessing and when someone brings something up that I know isn't correct I still ponder that fact. I am more angry with myself than anything. I stopped on the way home and got scented puppy pads... the ones that are supposed to attract them to do their business on the pad. We shall see....
post #29 of 35
As I said, I am going through the same thing with China. Thankfully Vader goes and pulls the bell when he wants outside. But China is still having accidents, and will continue to do so until she figures out that inside the house is not her potty ground-

www.zero-odor.com is a GREAT product for this type of situation
post #30 of 35
There we go, one big happy family again!

You know if your stressed when hub goes to iraq and you need to talk were all here for you Beth, plus you have Angel and Meish to keep you company
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