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The English Language - A Funny

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 

This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. It was passed on by a linguist, original author unknown. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers. Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on. You drive your car on a parkway, and park your car in a driveway.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick" Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
post #2 of 12
That was cute dawn! And very true...lol. I enjoyed reading it.
post #3 of 12
Thats really cool!!! I never realised how difficult it might be to have to learn English..... I don't think I'd get very far!! !!! ha ha ha ha.. Glad I already speak it.... ha ha ha
post #4 of 12
Now my head hurts!
post #5 of 12
And THIS is what we foreigners deal with when we learn English!!! Isn't it amazing we manage to learn at all? Actually, it's the pronunciation that's worst of all...
post #6 of 12
That was really interesting, Dawn!! We are a complicated bunch, aren't we.
post #7 of 12
either George Carlin or Gallagher
post #8 of 12
I love George Carlin....he never fails to make me laugh my head off!!!!
post #9 of 12
That was so funny. I love those, I copied and pasted it on to my friends and family. Thanks Dawn!!
post #10 of 12
You're so right(unless you're left); English is as tough as the man I saw sawing a bough the whole way through. Of course that's not as bad as the row that occured when he rowed down the stream. There was a whole row of men laughing at him. I think the row as he rowed was over the roe from the fish he had caught. I could be wrong, though.
post #11 of 12
As long as ploughing the slough doesn't make him cough.
post #12 of 12
Those were great! It really makes you think about how weird and interesting the english language really is.
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