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· As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my INNER SOCIOPATH

· I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia

· I assume full responsibility for my actions, except those that are someone else's fault

· I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

· In some cultures, what I do would be considered normal

· Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others

· My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment

· I honor my personality flaws, for without them, I would have no personality at all

· Joan of Arc heard voices, too

· I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me

· I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, whine and complain

· As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet

· When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying

· The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things

· As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

· All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.

· I am at one with my duality.

· Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

· I will strive to live each day as if it were my 40th birthday.

· Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

· I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

· Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."

· False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

· A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to any problem.

· Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV in the bedroom.

· Who can I blame for my own problems? Just give me a minute....I'll find someone....

· Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

· The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that a conspiracy is working [just ask Hillary Clinton...]

· I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

· Becoming aware of my character flaws leads me on the next step - blaming my parents.

· To have a successful relationship, I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.

· I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.