Who is really more to blame?

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loveysmummy

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Originally Posted by Miss Mew

She should be mad at the man!!, he's the one who's supposed to be true to her.. She doens't know the woman.
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You can't hate someone you don't know. He is the one that is supposed to have an unbreakable contract with her. This sounds like she is in denial out of fear of divorce.

As mentioned, on a lesser scale when my good friend "blamed" me for her boyfriend making a pass at me, I was dumbfounded. She isn't a catholic but I do know now that it was easier for her to blame the person she didn't have to live with or see daily. She wanted everything to stay all roses, sunshine and lollipops.
She did finally apologize and we are friends once again.
 
rosiemac

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Originally Posted by yayi

If you were my sister in law, what would you have done?
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She's obviously upset, but it does take two, plus has there been a crack in their marriage for him to wander elsewhere?!.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
 
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evnshawn

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Originally Posted by journey


yup, kick hers first then.
how horribly cruel - what horrible people.
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I respectfully disagree. This other woman, as morally bankrupt as she is, did not make any promises to your SIL. Her husband, OTOH, presumably did the whole "till death do you part" thing.

If it happened to me, the other woman would certainly get no love from me, but I'd be furious with the person who took an oath to love and honor me to the end of our lives.
 
esrgirl

esrgirl

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Adultry is grounds for divorce, according to the Bible. I can't even imagine how this relationship would be salvagable. I just read a book that essentially said "if he cheats, suffer quietly and God will reward you in Heaven." The rest of the book was great- but that insistance really irked me. It isn't like he is just your typical fallen Christian. He didn't just have a one night stand with this lady- he developed a serious, long-term committment and fathered children with her. I realize that the man can reconcile himself to God- but I seriously doubt he will do that anytime soon. I don't believe his wife should have to suffer and wait for her husband to repent. If I were her, I'd divorce him. There is no way I could live with that kind of betrayal.
 
graykittenlove

graykittenlove

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Originally Posted by rosiemac

She's obviously upset, but it does take two, plus has there been a crack in their marriage for him to wander elsewhere?!.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
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I kind of agree however regardless of a crack in their marriage. Father three children with this other woman? This isn't a short term affair or a one time thing, they had to be going on for years. There is no excuse under any circumstances for cheating. If you're not happy either work on making the relationship work or leave, there are not other choices. This man was total a complete slime and so was the other woman if she knew.

If it where me he and stuff would be out on the lawn and the locks changed the next day. The divorce attorney would be called with him standing there watching me.
 
maverick_kitten

maverick_kitten

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Originally Posted by rosiemac

She's obviously upset, but it does take two, plus has there been a crack in their marriage for him to wander elsewhere?!.

No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
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cheating is one thing but starting up another family on the side is a whole different matter.

I also think theres a world of difference between someone who cheats for sport or someone who actually intends to leave their partner for their lover. he it seems wanted the best of both worlds.

the same thing happened to my aunt. she was married for 20 years and discovered her husband had a wifelet and three children on the side, the eldest being 10 years old!

whilst morally wrong to go with a married man i agree that the other woman had no responsability for the wife. she wasnt the one cheating.
 
AbbysMom

AbbysMom

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Originally Posted by ugaimes

Precisely. Cheating is non-negotiable.
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Exactly. I think she should be mad at both, but her husband first!!! Since the other woman was aware of your sister in law, she is also to blame.
 
rosiemac

rosiemac

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Originally Posted by GrayKittenLove

I kind of agree however regardless of a crack in their marriage. Father three children with this other woman? This isn't a short term affair or a one time thing, they had to be going on for years.
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Exactly it hasn't been short term, and no disrespect to his wife but surely she must have suspected something?.

Remember were only getting one side here.
 
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bob'smom

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Speaking as a practicing Catholic, there is a misconception about divorce that both Catholics and non-Catholics have. Divorce itself is not the sin. It is viewed as being abstinent, as a husband and wife can choose to refrain from sexual relations. The sin and problem is having a sexual relationship or remarriage after the divorce without benefit of a church annulment. At that point it's viewed as adultry. The person in this state can still attend mass, but cannot receive communion until this situation is resolved.

That being said, there is no way any woman should be a doormat for a cheating husband. He did the wrong thing. He needs to go. If he is repentant, he needs to prove it and that takes time. He also needs to do right by the children with the other woman. They cannot be ignored, and he'll probably have to pay child support if he doesn't commit to their mother.
 
jennyr

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The really sad thing is that there are children on both sides, and it sounds as if they will all suffer badly before this is worked out..
 
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