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Breed Standard --- JOKE!

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 
Found this on another site and got a chuckle out of it.

The All-New Politically Correct Breed Standard Copyright © 1998 Walt Zientek

(The following Standard is merely a suggestion. Feel free to exercise your right to modify the Standard to suit your individual taste. We apologize ahead of time, for offending ANYONE!)

General Appearance: CAN be that of a strongly built, short coupled, very active cat. It CAN, however, be leggy, weedy, sleepy, dopey or lazy looking. It MAY be wide over the loins, but remember, tight abs DO indicate fitness and body-awareness.

Head: Each cat SHOULD have one. If it does, it will probably contain two eyes, one nose and a mouth. One ear on each side would be nice, at least for a sense of balance, but is not mandatory.

Expression: Please feel free to express yourself! It simply isn't healthy to keep things bottled up inside!

Body: Look, the Media has presented an ideal that NO ONE can live up to. We have been brainwashed into self-loathing by these unreal images. We will no longer be bound to such unreachable standards! ALL bodies are BEAUTIFUL!

Besides, some of us are just big-boned.

Legs and Feet: The ideal number here, is four of each, but that's not written in stone or anything.

Tail: As this is a distinguishing feature of the breed, we have to get a little tough on this one. (SORRY!!) We must insist that the cat has one. Or had one. Or really really wishes that it did. (The committee is sorry to be so rigid, but SOME members got a little bit 'testy' on this issue.)

Coats: The coat should be short, dense and free from feather, BUT, contemporary, ethnic and cultural styles allow for individuality. Bad-Hair days are a fact of life and 'bald' can be a political statement. If your Bengal is so Hair-Challenged that it needs to actually wear a coat, or sweater, remember that Animal Skins are de classe.

Color: We simply shall NOT discriminate by color! Why, the very idea! We also formally apologize for the discrimination that has occurred in the past. We welcome Silver, Hailstone, Vanilla, Golden, Black and Tan, Blue Merle, Pied, Blue, Cream, Harlequin and Mauve to our ranks.

Movement: This isn't ABSOLUTELY necessary. It is simply easier if the cat doesn't have to walk into the ring. On the other hand, it would be nice if those cats who are, shall we say, 'active', could stop moving long enough for the Facilitator to look. (Note: the word 'judge' has been changed to 'facilitator' as it is far less judgmental.)

Weight and Size: (See: Body)

Faults: Offending Anyone.

Disqualification's: No cat shall be disqualified for any reason. We certainly don't want to lower anyone's self-esteem.
post #2 of 2
Hey, this sounds just like the inclusive cirriculum with self-esteem module at a friend of mine's school. Hmmm . . .
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