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Why Do some people have to be so mean???

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
I do not understand why some people are just so mean. My boyfriends sister and boyfriend are just such horrible people that are both so mean and nasty to me. It all started before the two of them got together. My boyfriends sister basically hates the fact that I am dating her brother, she tries to do everything she can to break us up, and now her boyfriend is getting involved. It is like they go out of their way to be cruel to me because both My boy and i are so madly in love with each other. I have done nothing wrong to either of them and I just do not understand it, and it really hurts my feelings and makes me really down. It is to the point where if there is a family do we cannot be together as she will not be in the same room as me - let alone the same house!
post #2 of 22
I am sorry you are having such a horrible with your boyfriend's sister. I don't really have any great advice, just moral support. Realize no matter what she says and does to you, she can't destroy your love unless the two of you allow her to. Keep love as your focus and she can't get to you!
post #3 of 22
You know what Amanda - people like that are cruel and mean spirited. They are NOT worth your time or energy!

Does it still hurt, YES ~~~~~~~~~ but remember, you are the better person for not stooping to their level! Meow....
post #4 of 22

I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend's sister is being such a :witch: Maybe it's because she feels you are stealing him away? Don't let it destroy you & your boyfriend's relationship over his sister ....... she needs to grow up and face the facts. What does he have to say?
post #5 of 22
I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend's sister is trying to cause all these problems. Just don't let them bother you and everything should be ok. What does your boyfriend say about all of this? Let us know if anything happens.
post #6 of 22
Thread Starter 
John (my boyfriend) says the same thigs as you all do and I know it makes sense and I am certainly not stooping to her level - I am a better person than that. John says just ignore her, I do but every once in a while she decides I am sure that she is bored and lets make Amandas life hard and she starts gossiping and spreading stories that are just not true, people who know me do not believe her and she has lost a lot of friends because od the way that she is. I just don't understand it that is all, I have done nothing but be nice to her and respect her.
post #7 of 22
Mom's sister has been that sort of person for many years....always spreading mean gossip abot everyone. Now she's a bitter old lady who lives alone and hates everyone. She lives on the old farmstead which is badly overgrown and run down,but she believes the dump is worth a fortune and everybody's trying to steal it from her. She's alienated the whole family and anyone who has tried to help her.

Sadly,as Mom's faculties deteriorate,she's beginning to take on some of the same characteristics. I get random remarks like "I wish I'd met someone better than your father" or "I wish you were dying instead of me". Mom and I used to be friends so this is real hard at times.

So there may be some genetic predisposition involved for all I know.
Mom had told me in earlier times that her grandmother was a real B word and her own mother was very hard on the kids.

Anyway,if you are making serious plans with your boyfriend you better ask yourself if you want this woman to be a part of your life because she will be. Judging by your BF's reaction,her attitude is an ongoing thing. I REALLY hope it will work out for you.
post #8 of 22

Most people that say bad things about others are usually jealous. I've found that to be sooooo true!!! It's easy to get angry after awhile, but in the long run...stay away from her, or just laugh! It'll drive her nuts! hahaha! Maybe a sit down heart to heart talk with her. Ask her why she does this and if there's any way that you guys can come to see that there's nothing for her to be so upset about. There's a reason for everything; sometimes we make it too difficult to figure out.

Hugs, & the best of luck Amanda,
post #9 of 22
Hey Amanda....we think you are GREAT!!!
post #10 of 22
Amanda...I am very sorry that you are being treated this way....and what Cat said is true...alot of times people act this way because they are jealous. Sad but true. Then their are some people who are just mean, through and through, for no particular reason other than they enjoy hurting others.
Hang in there....just try to ignore her if at all possible, but sometimes that is hard, I know.
post #11 of 22
Amanda, I'm just offering moral support, they've already said it all.

I tend to go along with Cat. If someone gives me hard time about something that's none of their business, I try to turn it back on them. No sarcasm or nastiness, just a sencerely concerned response like, "Wow, that must be very hard for you, to be so annoyed every time I do that". Hopefully the sister will figure it out before she loses all her friends.


Kittyfoot, it sounds like your mom has a lot of regrets about the choices she made. It's not easy to live with, but you might help her focus on her strengths. You know, don't focus on how bad her husband was, focus on her strength of character in keeping her vows or her ability to forgive him or whatever, and remind her of that. Also, that whole "I wish it was you instead of me" isn't about hating you, you know, it's about not having a fulfilling life when she had a chance and knowing she doesn't have another opportunity.

If you haven't read it, try Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's book "On Death and Dying". It outlines some patterns of thought people go through as they're dying, and it might help you feel better if you can see them in her behavior. At least you'll know it's typical of people in her situation, it isn't about you.
post #12 of 22
Thread Starter 
You guys area ll so nice. Sitting down and talking to her would not work as she does not want talk to me.

I did suggest to JOhn that he talk to her and her bf before I come and live with him in another country, as he is in Ireland now working his socks off.

I said that he really needs to have a chat with both of them because it seems that if they are being disrespectful towards me and saying nasty things then in essence they are being disrespectful to him and I told him that he should aske them to be civil and to not let his family get involved. I am not sure what he will do as he is very laid back and thinks if you ignore it the problem will go away. Thing is he is not on the receiving end so hw has no idea what it feels like!
post #13 of 22
I really hope he takes your advice and says something to them. Ask him how he would feel if it were your family members being so rude to him.
post #14 of 22
I think I would corner her and force her to talk to me...and I would make John talk to her as well. He needs to demand respect for you in my opinion. Our thoughts are with you if you need to talk!
post #15 of 22

Yeah Joce!! :laughing2 That's the way to do it! As they say..."Just do it"...no trying allowed! haha :laughing2

On a more serious note. Amanda, you're such a nice woman and it's more than fair that you get the respect you deserve, especially since you've given him so many chances to confront her behavior.

post #16 of 22
I had a similar situation happen to me, although not as drastic as Amanda's. My husbands sister didn't like me ( and I did not know why ), but we were living in Germany and she was in Pennsylvania so I didn't see her much. Well about 4 years ago, she came to Germany for a visit. There had been comments and situations that led me to believe that she for some reason thought I wasn't good enough for her brother.

Well, after being here for all of 10 minutes she made some stupid comment how "blood was thicker than water"......referring to the fact that SHE was more important in his life than me. Well, I blew my top. She had nowhere to run, we were at his moms for lunch. I cornered her in the bathroom, and basically spilled exactly how I felt out. I tried to explain as calmly as I could that me and her brother WERE family, we had 2 children and I was not going anywhere. She could either except me, or lose her brother ( my husband had already told me if she was a *itch, he was going to cut ties with her ). At first she "argued" back, but over a few minutes time she subdued and in the end we actually became friends!! Now we get along fine, and she doens't say anything hurtful anymore.

I think you just need to confront the situation, most likely she'll listen to you, and who knows, you may work it out!! Good luck.
post #17 of 22
Daniela...I'm glad you confronted her like that!!! Sounds like it all worked out very well!
post #18 of 22
I'm very sorry to learn you're having this difficulty. What, exactly, is your boyfriend doing about this? No, not "What is he saying?"; but what is he doing to rectify the situation? I believe Kitty Foot is exactly correct: This woman will be part of your life forever should you establish a life-time relationship with your boyfriend.

It's your call, of course. But if your boyfriend isn't willing to take action in this matter — confronting his sister and her boyfriend until the problem goes away — I'd surely look elsewhere for a life partner. It's not your job to control his family; it's his job, in matters pertaining to you.

The ball is (and always has been) in your boyfriend's court. If he chooses to drop it, drop him!

post #19 of 22
Tough words from Mr. Cat!

But considering that he's a guy, you know he must mean it.
post #20 of 22
Originally posted by dtolle
I had a similar situation happen to me, although not as drastic as Amanda's. At first she "argued" back, but over a few minutes time she subdued and in the end we actually became friends!! Now we get along fine, and she doens't say anything hurtful anymore.

I think you just need to confront the situation, most likely she'll listen to you, and who knows, you may work it out!! Good luck.
Awesome Daniela... A little spitfire, but only for justice!
post #21 of 22
Thread Starter 
Mr. Cat......John is actually working in Ireland and his sister and her bf are in England and he certainly does not want to talk over the phone - said it is far to easy for her to hang up. He wants to confront her and him face to face, which I think is the right thing to do. SHe has not tried to contact him since x-mas and he told me he is in no hurry to speak with her. I am sure he is going to have stong words with the both of them and it will come to the fact where he will say get to like it or I want nothing to do with you. I do not want to be the cause for them to have a split - if that is the right word. But it has definately come to that.

Hey guys thanks to everyone for your advice kind words and just for letting me dump
post #22 of 22
Great! I'm glad John is going to handle this matter face to face. In the meantime, hang in there and don't let any extraneous people mess up your relationship.

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