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"Dam" long but WORTH the read!!!

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. Wait
till you read this guy's response-but read the State's letter before
you
get to the response letter.


SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
Dear Mr. DeVries: It has come to the attention of the Department of
Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity
on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as
the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following
unauthorized
activity:
Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of
this type of activity. A review of the Department's files shows that no
permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that
this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of
the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. The Department has been informed
that
one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event,
causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams
of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The
Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at
this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by
removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.
All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2003.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure
to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the
site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement
action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in
this
matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
questions.
Sincerely, David L. Price District Representative Land and Water
Management Division


This is the actual response sent back:

Dear Mr. Price,
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County. Your
certified letter dated 10/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I
am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson,
Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process
of
constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet
stream of my Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I
think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you
could
ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam
ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
activity.
My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate
against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers
throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not
discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of
Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other
applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will
see
if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and
Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act
451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113
of
the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is -- aren't the beavers
entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are
financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation-so
the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's
dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent
rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence,
which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should
leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and
calling their dam names. If you want the stream "restored" to a dam
free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going
to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam
letter they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the
Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as
long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream.
They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If
the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives
up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and
the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are
concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement
action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may
be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam
staff to contact/harass them then. In conclusion, I would like to bring
to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in
the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods.
I
definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and
leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver
dam,
watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response
to
your dam office.

Ryan DeVries
post #2 of 16
post #3 of 16
I love that!!
post #4 of 16
post #5 of 16
post #6 of 16
post #7 of 16
I always doubt these things, but this one's true!

Snopes Page

post #8 of 16
That was dam good!!
post #9 of 16
Standing Ovation
post #10 of 16
post #11 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseHawke
I always doubt these things, but this one's true!

Snopes Page

Awwww, thank you for finding that!!
post #12 of 16
Big-Cat-Fan....your new avatar is really cute.
Lei
post #13 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by xocats
Big-Cat-Fan....your new avatar is really cute.
Lei


Awwwwwww..... Thank you so much!!!!!
post #14 of 16
post #15 of 16
Lol!!
post #16 of 16
I got that in an email a few months ago, very clever. Wish I could come up with something like that.
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