New Very Shy Kitty - HELP!

Hello Everyone! A couple of months ago you were quite kind and helped me through a very difficult decision with my 15 year old kitty Max. He had bone cancer and I had to choose between amputating his back leg to the hip or putting him down. I decided on the latter and it was the right decision. Terribly painful, but the right one for both of us.
Well, after 3 months my boyfriend and I bit the bullet and adopted a new boy. He's 3, a neutered, declawed (front only), male. We loved him at the shelter because he was so affectionate through the bars - purring, butting his head against our hands, etc. He'd been there for over 6 months. At first they had him in a big, cosy room loose with other cats, but then they moved him into a cage in the front hallway because he was so shy around the other cats and hung out in a corner the whole time. They were afraid no one would see him there, let alone adopt him. We've had him home for 5 days now and he's really shy. He's camped out in the closet and only comes out to eat and occasionally, after begging and conjoling him, we can get him to come out for a short brushing session. Then it's right back into the closet. When we've taken him out to hold him he just hates it. He gets very tense and pushes to get away. He never bites or scratches and only hissed once. He's got a lovely, loud purr, head butts everything in sight, rolls over to expose his belly, but I'm afraid he will never come out and join our world. Will he?
Also, has anyone gone through feelings of disappointment after having had a REALLY great cat and losing him and then getting a new baby and feeling like you'll never like this one as much or be as close to him? I'm REALLY missing Max right now. I guess it's part of the grieving process. I'm also having a really hard time accepting Oliver for who he is.
Help, please?!? Thank you! Amy

I'm sure in time kitty will be out and about in the house. He's probably just still a little stressed out by his new surroundings. Our little one, Emma, was very much a scaredy-cat when she first came to us, and is a little more social everyday. For about the first week she was with us, she hid under the bed or in between the two shower curtains in the shower. She was found as a stray living under a pile of garbage, and we suspect she may have been abused by her former owners before they dumped her on the street--so we understand if she's not as outgoing as our other kitty, Oliver.
I also still feel like Oliver and I are "closer", and do feel guilty about that sometimes, but I'm sure in time Emma and I will develop a closer relationship--as I'm sure you and your Oliver will!
Give it time, give him lots of treats and love, and he'll come out of the closet, no pun intended!

Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your feelings regarding Emma. It's very comforting to know someone else has felt a similar way. I really appreciate your thoughts. Amy

Maverick hated me with a passion when we first got her. i dont blame her to be honest, i uprooted her from her nice safe world and took her in a funny thing on wheels, miles away to a strange place that smelt funny and was full of new noises and people.

my only redeeming feature was the yummy food i fed her!

it took me over a month but she grew to love me then gradually began leaving my room and joining the rest of the household.

you have to think small and celebrate small victories. just confine your new kitty to one room where he can feel safe, maybe buy some feliway (cat happy hormones) and work on bonding with him.

gradually introduce him to the rest of the household room by room. person by person.

this new kitty will never replace your old cat but you will grow to love him and value you him just as much. dont feel guilty, its understandable to make comparisons

When I first brought Ravin home he was shy, hid and wanted to be left alone. The circumstances were differant with Ravin but the behavior was close to the same. It took a lot of time and love but he turned into one of the most loving cats, always on my lap, always slept with me. I think your kitty will adjust with time. It took almost a year with Ravin.
After I lost him I did not want another, the loss was very hard for me. and Ebony was my husbands cat. Then came Panter after having Panter I knew that I would never have another Ravin, I did look for Panter to act like Ravin but began to realize each one acts their own way, each one has their own special things they do that make them differant. And you love them for it.
Give your kitty lots of love and time your reward will come in time.