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Men and Women- hilarious

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
Pls tell me which u like the best!

1. WOMAN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


2. UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN"S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.


3. MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor.
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently, and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.


4. WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied. "In-laws."


5. WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day . . . 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men . . ."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


6. CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you."


7. WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

The wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

The husband replies, "I can't believe that . . . show me!"

So the wife fetched the Bible and opened the New Testament. She showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says . .
"HEBREWS."


8. THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 a.m. for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 a.m." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 a.m. and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 a.m. Wake up."

9. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Send this to smart women who need a laugh and to men you think can handle it!

Tell me which one u liked the best!!
post #2 of 15
LoL Pamela i loved all of them but the one that got me laughing was number 8!
post #3 of 15
I like them all but from the Male perspective the problem boils down to one salient fact. Menstruation.

Men are hunters by genetic hard wiring so we just have trouble trusting and understanding a creature that can bleed for a week and still be alive.
(Please dont hang me in effigy or burn my pic in public...whimper...lol)
post #4 of 15
Of course, you knooooow.. Men are the root of all problems.


Menstruation
Menopause
Mental Breakdown.....
post #5 of 15


Liked number 4 the best!
post #6 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by turtlecat
Of course, you knooooow.. Men are the root of all problems.


Menstruation
Menopause
Mental Breakdown.....
I liked Denise's the best! Too good... and put Howard in his place.
post #7 of 15
Loved all of them. But I would never do things like that to my hubby. I love him toooooooooooo much.
post #8 of 15
I love them all!
post #9 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pamela
Pls tell me which u like the best!

1. WOMAN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."


2. UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN"S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.


3. MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor.
"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the man, "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently, and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"

The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.


4. WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied. "In-laws."


5. WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day . . . 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men . . ."

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


6. CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you."


7. WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

The wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

The husband replies, "I can't believe that . . . show me!"

So the wife fetched the Bible and opened the New Testament. She showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says . .
"HEBREWS."


8. THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 a.m. for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 a.m." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 a.m. and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 a.m. Wake up."

9. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Send this to smart women who need a laugh and to men you think can handle it!

Tell me which one u liked the best!!



I'm telling Trav that next time he asks me that question!!!!










Courtney
post #10 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by turtlecat
Of course, you knooooow.. Men are the root of all problems.


Menstruation
Menopause
Mental Breakdown.....
Ah, and as I ride off to uphold honor & the male point of view and lose another battle while tilting at the female windmills....

Menstruation: Men dont cause it we just do our best to try to prevent it for periods (pun fully intended) of up to 9 months.

Menopause Men dont cause it we just have to suffer the effects of it. We would outlaw it if we could.

Mental Breakdowns: Well as near as we can figure y'all were mentally broken from birth.

All in all though it is about what us men expect from a crittur made from spare parts.

Love, Your Buddy Howard
Card Carrying MCP since 1955
post #11 of 15
Number 3
post #12 of 15
#4 with #7 as a very close runner-up!
post #13 of 15
I liked #2 and #4 the best.
post #14 of 15
# 8 was my favorite !
post #15 of 15
They were all good Pamela, but my favourites were 1, 2 and 7
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