Ok, now its annoying

Someone told me a saying once that goes something like this..
"The worst things I've ever been through were the ones that never happened"

We imagine so many horrible things, & when we face our fears & sometimes just do it, it's not so bad. I'm very anxious around people too, I always feel like they are staring at me. (Being tall & skinny doesn't help, I am already horribly self-conscious about myself) Sometimes it makes me just want to not go somewhere alone-Mike has kind of become my "crutch", for lack of better word. Like if I have him to focus on, I don't worry so much about feeling like a freak. For example, if we shop at walMart, I can talk & focus on what we need to get, where to go next & not so much on if that person is staring at me or not.
I can avoid people like Sooz does, but it's not yet a panic thing, it's more like looking like I am doing something else & don't notice. Extreme shyness, very self conscious. More like "Don't look at me, don't interact with me, I feel ugly"
I just used depression as a sort of generalization cuz it's more like what I have to battle..but think that trying to get back independence on your own, bit by bit is still a good thing, regardless..At least to see if it works for you before resorting to meds.
I'm scared to death of getting on meds..there are alot of reasons for that too, but the main one is a fear of a lifetime dependency on them, always having to worry about taking them, going to doctors, keeping a job with a good medical plan, etc..Ugh.
It's a tough one for sure, I totally feel what you are going through-please be strong!

THank you all again. In the past i have overcome being a germ-a-phobe and having OCD, y just getting sick of what it was doing to me and just stopping. Right now i feel like im building up to that with my anxiaty, but i dont know if that can happen this time. Im afraid my anxiaty is going to be a life long thing. And especially right now is when i need to be at my strongest. I need a job, my licence, and a formal dance that i may not even attend because of this. Im getting rusterated and want it to just stop.

There's something I want to tell myself but I rarely do. It's something that could help me stop being so afraid of people. I think if we both start constantly telling ourselves this, in the moment when we're both feeling and fearing the worst... we would be better in handling social situations.





"I am QUEEN of this room. There isn't one person here that can do the things I do, much less in the fabulous way I do them. And to HELL if I'm going to be afraid of THEM."

So what if I'm fatter, skinnier, shorter, taller, or don't think I'm as pretty as they are (which usually isn't the case, by the way). I am here, I am woman, hear me


ROAR!!!!!.

Originally Posted by Sooz123

There isn't one person here that can do the things I do, much less in the fabulous way I do them. And to HELL if I'm going to be afraid of THEM."

Click to expand...

Sometimes I think like that when people like to treat me like an idiot (another one of my insecurities) I'm an artist & think to myself.."I can do things that you can't even COMPREHEND..."

BTW... I've been on meds. Two types. The first type helped... in generous quantities... HOWEVER, when I went off it, I did feel like I was in emotional hell. Like the absolute worst I felt in the middle of some drastic teenage angst... but I there I was, reliving the worst of that in my late 20's. I actually called the doctor and BEGGED to be helped during that time. And, while on it, I had NO sex drive at all.

Welbutrin did slightly okay for smoking supression, but nothing otherwise. It was the only one people recommended for -low sexual side effects-.

I think the best therapy can be what we tell ourselves. After experiencing that with the meds, I would much rather have a handle on it in my own head than that if I could manage it... if at all possible.

oo now im scared of meds oh dear. lol

Originally Posted by Me-n-my guys

Sometimes I think like that when people like to treat me like an idiot (another one of my insecurities) I'm an artist & think to myself.."I can do things that you can't even COMPREHEND..."

Click to expand...

Good on ya! You SHOULD! Artistic people (and I am one of them so I know ) blow book learned people away. Hands down. Don't believe me? Just put them both on a deserted island and see who survives.

One of the book learned people did it to me today in fact. I had been mispronouncing the name of a Mexican restaurant and she called me out on it. I turned red and fluffed it off, but I felt like asking her if she could sing Handel with the precision that I can! Damn it, if I can't spell or speak Spanish properly, it's because I'm an American who sings in Latin!!! So **** HER!

Originally Posted by Sooz123

"I am QUEEN of this room. There isn't one person here that can do the things I do, much less in the fabulous way I do them. And to HELL if I'm going to be afraid of THEM."

I am here, I am woman, hear me


ROAR!!!!!.

Click to expand...

May I suggest you write this on a little notecard and carry it in your pocket? Unfortunately, as the anxiety level goes up, sometimes the ability to use logic against it goes down. It can help to have encouraging words written down. Also some "to do" pointers. For example, if you are very nervous around people, "go in a bathroom and splash cold water on your face". Or "breathe in breathe out".

Also, relaxation techniques can help, but they are a learned skill. In other words, it takes practice to get good at it. Decide when your most comfortabe time of day is, and listen to a calming CD and relax all your muscles one at a time. At first it won't work real well, but if you practice every day, you will begin to have some control over being able to relax.

Medications can be very very effective against anxiety. I have high blood pressure and take a pill for that. Am I addicted? (Hint-NO! LOL!)

Originally Posted by ilovejoelyo

oo now im scared of meds

oh dear. lol

Click to expand...

I wouldn't be afraid per se. My doctor kept telling me they would switch me off until they found what worked for me. I didn't stick with it. It could be that what didn't work for me will work for you... we're all unique. If that's the avenue you want to pursue, then go with it, but don't give up until something works.

For me, I would rather not do it... but then look, I'm having panic attacks and trying to deal with it my own way. I think it's all a matter of what works for you... and what you're comfortable with. I would just be aware of that danger with meds, and make sure there's someone there with you if you go to switch in case it gets bad for a few days.

Originally Posted by ilovejoelyo

oo now im scared of meds

oh dear. lol

Click to expand...

I work at an outpatient psych clinic. One patient with severe anxiety was so afraid he could hardly come to the office. He would call before he came, and I would meet him in the waiting room, because he was unable to sit out among strangers. He was also terrified of the possibility of side effects to medications. He barely left his house.

Now, about 2 years later, I haven't spoken to him in over a year. He is on 2 different medications, and has been holding down a job for a long time. Sometimes medicine can make such a difference. If therapy and thinking positive does it, great! If not, medicine can make you function like you normally do, and help get you back in school!

Originally Posted by ilovejoelyo

oo now im scared of meds

oh dear. lol

Click to expand...

Work as an active participant with the doctor. Ask questions and understand what you should expect, what you should be looking for when you should be contacting them immediately. Take a notebook and paper with you and write down the answers to your questions. It will help you realize what is working and not working.

I can agree about the island thing..I think I would do pretty well in that kind of situation, I love to build & figure things out, but would be so screwed if I had to live on bananas! (hee-hee! I hate them!)
The things you mentioned about your experience with meds are 2 more reasons why they scare me..the 'coming down' thing-like "OMG I'm out of meds, have no insurance, no money..." CRASH! Then you feel worse than before!
The sexual thing bothers me, too. And side effects like sleeplessness, & decreased appetite-now that's all I need.
But it is a lifelong battle, I think..somedays are worse than others, but I have resigned myself to dealing with it, & will keep fighting.

oh gosh, its bad tonight. im so worried, almost pacing. I just want to be better. Joels driving home from iowa tommorow and i guess im just "a bundle of nerves." i feel like crying for no reason. I know i need to sleep but i am just too anxious.

update:

well, joel got home safe and sound, and i ended up crying at his house 3 times . Today i was put on meds. the bouncing circle one... ummm zoloft? lol, well im doing ok right now, and hopefully this will do the trick. I want to thank you all again for being so helpful, and understanding. Love to you all.

Hang in there, dear. It will take awhile for the medications to kick in so make sure you give yourself a chance. You've made a start and let us know how it is going - good time and bad times.