- Joined
- Dec 21, 2004
- Messages
- 3,663
- Purraise
- 2
Many thoughts and prayers to you and your loved ones.
-
Too many ads? Join our community of cat lovers now to reduce ads by 90%! Click here to join for free!
Prayers, vibes, love, and hugs needed...
- Thread starter noni
- Start Date
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2005
- Messages
- 20,608
- Purraise
- 16
Prayers & healing thoughts that everything will resolve & be OK.
Lei
Lei
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that being highly suicidal makes one eligible for civil committment. At least that way she would be under professional supervision all of the time and the burden would be off of you.
You are a good friend and you and your houseguest are in my prayers
. I really hope she is able to learn through the therapy that life is always worth living.
You are a good friend and you and your houseguest are in my prayers
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #25
The manner Beckiboo describes is what we are expecting. Knowing what will happen doesn't really ease the fear too much; knowing I have wonderful friends like all of you? That makes it a bit easier to face the adventure with a relatively calm demeanor.
Becky, we are expecting at least 10-12 treatments; 3x a week for 3 weeks, re-evaluation at that point, and then another 2-3 if needed. It's going to be a hard road, but I'm hopeful...she's not, exactly, but she's borrowing my hope and faith at the moment until she finds her own. That's our agreement.
The difficulty lies in her reluctance (which is a light word for what she's experiencing...) to be hospitalized. Her primary psychiatrist and I talk several times a week (and today, with two not very good (all right, horrendous is a better word) Drs appointments, we spoke no less than 5 times in 7 hours), and he and I talk about her and about me; he checks in on me and my wellbeing as well as my friend's.
Sure, it would be "easier" for her to be hospitalized, but...she is so against that, and she really feels safe with me (the rules are few and very, very clear in this house...), and she knows I won't hesitate to get physical with her should the need arise (she knows I was a competative black belt...and she's smaller than me at 130 lbs and 5'4"...), and she knows that the cats can't come with her to the hospital, so she's very clear that she doesn't get to act on the compulsions while she's with me. And so I am willing to give this a go. it may become too much for me; it's not yet, so the hospital option, while ever present, is not being used at the moment.
I've begun to understand a little more about what faith is, in these first few steps. I've begun to understand a bit more about generosity, and comfort level, and doing for others. I've begun to understand that sometimes, self and self's comfort does not come first, even in their own homes...and that making a difference sometimes means reaching beyond one's level of comfort, and into an unknown, unexplored place. It's stretching my spirit, it's enlarging my soul. And growth is not always pleasant. But that's all right, because it's always valuable in the end.
I am so thankful that you all are here to help me through this...and I know that I'll get through this a step at a time...after all...how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I'm chewing as fast as I can.
Thank you all. Very much.
Much love to you-
Michele
Becky, we are expecting at least 10-12 treatments; 3x a week for 3 weeks, re-evaluation at that point, and then another 2-3 if needed. It's going to be a hard road, but I'm hopeful...she's not, exactly, but she's borrowing my hope and faith at the moment until she finds her own. That's our agreement.
Yes, and that option is always on the table. She and I have discussed it, thoroughly, and we are both very aware that if it gets too much for me to handle, that inpatient treatment is available.
The difficulty lies in her reluctance (which is a light word for what she's experiencing...) to be hospitalized. Her primary psychiatrist and I talk several times a week (and today, with two not very good (all right, horrendous is a better word) Drs appointments, we spoke no less than 5 times in 7 hours), and he and I talk about her and about me; he checks in on me and my wellbeing as well as my friend's.
Sure, it would be "easier" for her to be hospitalized, but...she is so against that, and she really feels safe with me (the rules are few and very, very clear in this house...), and she knows I won't hesitate to get physical with her should the need arise (she knows I was a competative black belt...and she's smaller than me at 130 lbs and 5'4"...), and she knows that the cats can't come with her to the hospital, so she's very clear that she doesn't get to act on the compulsions while she's with me. And so I am willing to give this a go. it may become too much for me; it's not yet, so the hospital option, while ever present, is not being used at the moment.
I've begun to understand a little more about what faith is, in these first few steps. I've begun to understand a bit more about generosity, and comfort level, and doing for others. I've begun to understand that sometimes, self and self's comfort does not come first, even in their own homes...and that making a difference sometimes means reaching beyond one's level of comfort, and into an unknown, unexplored place. It's stretching my spirit, it's enlarging my soul. And growth is not always pleasant. But that's all right, because it's always valuable in the end.
I am so thankful that you all are here to help me through this...and I know that I'll get through this a step at a time...after all...how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I'm chewing as fast as I can.
Thank you all. Very much.
Much love to you-
Michele
best of luck, you are a great friend. God bless.
Hospitalization is certainly a good option. But there is almost no way she would be inpatient through the entire series of ECT treatments, anyhow. However, inpatient, there are different shifts of workers, rather than one person taking full responsability 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
We often do written or verbal contracts with people, with them guaranteeing their safety. Friday I talked on the phone to someone who was very depressed-we got her a Monday appt. She was crying as I spoke to her, so was obviously in great pain. But she did not want to talk to our "crisis worker", the therapist available for immediate crisis. She told me she would be safe until Monday, and that she was staying with her sister who knows the situation. So I let her go....assuming she will be ok until Monday when she sees the doctor.
I wish there was some secret to seeing a therapist or going in the hospital or even meds or ECT. But basically all they do is help the person along the way to wellness, it is a strength and healing that happens within the person to make them well. It sounds like you are under close medical supervision, and I applaud you for that. I really hope this works for your friend, Michelle.
Please keep a journal of your close-up view of ECT. It could be very helpful for people going into this to have a road map!
We often do written or verbal contracts with people, with them guaranteeing their safety. Friday I talked on the phone to someone who was very depressed-we got her a Monday appt. She was crying as I spoke to her, so was obviously in great pain. But she did not want to talk to our "crisis worker", the therapist available for immediate crisis. She told me she would be safe until Monday, and that she was staying with her sister who knows the situation. So I let her go....assuming she will be ok until Monday when she sees the doctor.
I wish there was some secret to seeing a therapist or going in the hospital or even meds or ECT. But basically all they do is help the person along the way to wellness, it is a strength and healing that happens within the person to make them well. It sounds like you are under close medical supervision, and I applaud you for that. I really hope this works for your friend, Michelle.
Please keep a journal of your close-up view of ECT. It could be very helpful for people going into this to have a road map!
Best of Luck and good vibes to you both!!!!!!
Sending prayers for good results, and for strength for you both during this stressful time.
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #31
Thanks, you guys. We're still seeing Drs...last one today at 3:30...and then we'll know what the next step is.
We were down at her house all day yesterday, and it was enormously stressful...I decided to let her do a little driving, because her need for control and autonomy was really asserting itself. Which was, in retrospect, an error. We were driving along the highway, me in the passenger seat and her driving...and talking and really discussing some of the issues. She started crying, and then stopped talking. And stayed silent, and stayed silent and stayed silent. So I reached over and smacked the hazards button, got the signals flashing, and tried to steer it over to the side....even though I couldn't figure out how to stop the car. Eventually she put the brakes on, and we got to the side, and I made her park the car, turn it off, hand me the keys, slide over to the passenger seat, and then locked her in. I sat there, leaning on the hood, for a few minutes, gathering my patience and strength back into me, and then got into the car and drove the rest of the way home.
She will not be driving again, until she is stable and able to handle things.
Please keep the prayers coming; I got good and scared for my own safety yesterday... more than I've been in a while. The house is relatively suicide proof, but...the car could've easily been smashed, me along with it. I don't think she was aware of me until I was literally moving the steering wheel under her hands...
Please keep the prayers coming...please.
best-
Michele
We were down at her house all day yesterday, and it was enormously stressful...I decided to let her do a little driving, because her need for control and autonomy was really asserting itself. Which was, in retrospect, an error. We were driving along the highway, me in the passenger seat and her driving...and talking and really discussing some of the issues. She started crying, and then stopped talking. And stayed silent, and stayed silent and stayed silent. So I reached over and smacked the hazards button, got the signals flashing, and tried to steer it over to the side....even though I couldn't figure out how to stop the car. Eventually she put the brakes on, and we got to the side, and I made her park the car, turn it off, hand me the keys, slide over to the passenger seat, and then locked her in. I sat there, leaning on the hood, for a few minutes, gathering my patience and strength back into me, and then got into the car and drove the rest of the way home.
She will not be driving again, until she is stable and able to handle things.
Please keep the prayers coming; I got good and scared for my own safety yesterday... more than I've been in a while. The house is relatively suicide proof, but...the car could've easily been smashed, me along with it. I don't think she was aware of me until I was literally moving the steering wheel under her hands...
Please keep the prayers coming...please.
best-
Michele
Scary Michele!
Lots of prayers coming your way!
- Thread Starter Thread Starter
- #33
From my journal
First treatment today...average seizure is 60-90 seconds, and she endured a 181 second seizure. Lots of nausea, headache, vomiting, initial confusion, and muscle pain. She had to stay in recovery a lot longer than average because of the side effects...
Me? The hard part is once she's wheeled away. It's been tough these last few days, patience tested enormously, over watchful (I didn't sleep last night...she wasn't, so I couldn't...), and poor eating (chocolate and Doritos...). I must've walked 2 miles through the corridors of the hospital just wandering, waiting...trying to not lurk the nurses station, pester the Drs, annoy the people who're watching over her.
I find myself on my knees in the chapel, crying. Kneel there begging God to let this work, and just cry. The chair gets soggy, and my face is all red and bloated...the chaplain comes in, and we pray a bit together and talked for a while. Then it is time to go back to her room; she isn't here yet, so I just sit in the empty space where her bed would go, wondering if it is going to work, knowing she sees this as the last option. I feel utterly numb, and smack the hard cold tiles in frustration.
Finally she comes back, and she is really bad off. sick, hurting, confused, and crying. So I just hold her through the bars and give her what little comfort I can until the new meds start to kick in. I talk to her, ask her easy questions, trying to get a handle on her condition. Her seizure was very long, and so I am cautious about what she'll recall and what she won't...but she gets the important things right.
I help her get dressed, down to the car, and back home. She's sleeping now, and I'm still crying and praying. I can do this; I know I can...but can she? Can she endure it, make it through? Will it work? God, please, will this work?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She's awake now, and has had dinner. Me too...but man, this is going to be a challenge. She did say she tried to think about suicide, and it's not staying in her head. She "forgets" where she was in the plan. And she says it is quieter in her head than she can remember.
It's too early to tell if this is definitive...or even real. But maybe God listened. Maybe He heard. I don't want to get my hopes up...and I don't want her to get her hopes up...but maybe this will work.
Just thought I'd share with you all my day. Thanks for reading, and if you could, whisper into God's ear a bit of a Thank You and another wish for her continued comfort.
Best-
Michele
First treatment today...average seizure is 60-90 seconds, and she endured a 181 second seizure. Lots of nausea, headache, vomiting, initial confusion, and muscle pain. She had to stay in recovery a lot longer than average because of the side effects...
Me? The hard part is once she's wheeled away. It's been tough these last few days, patience tested enormously, over watchful (I didn't sleep last night...she wasn't, so I couldn't...), and poor eating (chocolate and Doritos...). I must've walked 2 miles through the corridors of the hospital just wandering, waiting...trying to not lurk the nurses station, pester the Drs, annoy the people who're watching over her.
I find myself on my knees in the chapel, crying. Kneel there begging God to let this work, and just cry. The chair gets soggy, and my face is all red and bloated...the chaplain comes in, and we pray a bit together and talked for a while. Then it is time to go back to her room; she isn't here yet, so I just sit in the empty space where her bed would go, wondering if it is going to work, knowing she sees this as the last option. I feel utterly numb, and smack the hard cold tiles in frustration.
Finally she comes back, and she is really bad off. sick, hurting, confused, and crying. So I just hold her through the bars and give her what little comfort I can until the new meds start to kick in. I talk to her, ask her easy questions, trying to get a handle on her condition. Her seizure was very long, and so I am cautious about what she'll recall and what she won't...but she gets the important things right.
I help her get dressed, down to the car, and back home. She's sleeping now, and I'm still crying and praying. I can do this; I know I can...but can she? Can she endure it, make it through? Will it work? God, please, will this work?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She's awake now, and has had dinner. Me too...but man, this is going to be a challenge. She did say she tried to think about suicide, and it's not staying in her head. She "forgets" where she was in the plan. And she says it is quieter in her head than she can remember.
It's too early to tell if this is definitive...or even real. But maybe God listened. Maybe He heard. I don't want to get my hopes up...and I don't want her to get her hopes up...but maybe this will work.
Just thought I'd share with you all my day. Thanks for reading, and if you could, whisper into God's ear a bit of a Thank You and another wish for her continued comfort.
Best-
Michele
Michele, you are aMAZing! Having battled moderate depression myself, and then lived for a short time with another depressive, I know I am not nearly strong enough to do what you are doing. You are indeed a tower of strength, and I pray not only for your friend and your (pl.) continued strength in this trial, but that your friend will one day truly understand just how much you love her.
Not only are you gifted with strength of character, but you are and incredibly talented writer as well. My journal is full of neurotic ramblings not even I can make sense of three months down the road - yours reads like a thoroughly insightful novel! It is a poignant testimony to your clarity on this issue, and your concern for your friend. I know things are bound to get tough before they get better, but I have faith that you both will make it through this. And yes, thanks be to God for all he has already done to see you through. May He continue to sustain you.
Not only are you gifted with strength of character, but you are and incredibly talented writer as well. My journal is full of neurotic ramblings not even I can make sense of three months down the road - yours reads like a thoroughly insightful novel! It is a poignant testimony to your clarity on this issue, and your concern for your friend. I know things are bound to get tough before they get better, but I have faith that you both will make it through this. And yes, thanks be to God for all he has already done to see you through. May He continue to sustain you.
You are so generous with your time and emotion and I hope your friend knows what you are doing for her. All the best wishes in the world for you both.
Michele,
You are the embodiment of true love. I cannot believe the amount of love and support you are giving to your friend. Please, please make sure you are also taking care of yourself. See if you can snack on some fresh fruit like apples or something.
Hugs,
Jana
You are the embodiment of true love. I cannot believe the amount of love and support you are giving to your friend. Please, please make sure you are also taking care of yourself. See if you can snack on some fresh fruit like apples or something.
Hugs,
Jana
