Losing it!

A few weeks ago I posted - "fighting cats" - and things are BAD.
We've had our cats for six years. They were adopted together, always got along, and were oh so very sweet.
The male was neutered, the female was not spayed.
Suddenly, she started viciously attacking him.
I followed everyone's advice. I took them both to the vet, they checked out fine and had her spayed three weeks ago.
The nightmare continues.
I have kept them separate, trying reintroduction, but it is going awfully.
She seems deathly afraid of him. He is also afraid of her, and stays up on top of the cabinets whenever she comes out. He never fights back, even when she bolts from the room and goes after him.
I'm REALLY trying to be patient. I love these guys with all my heart, but this is starting to seem hopeless.
I've tried Feliway diffusers and spray. I use Rescue Remedy. I bathed them both with the same shampoo. I've tried the towel rub.
What the Hell is going on?
Will they NEVER be the same to one another? Do they have no memory of each other and all those years?
My vet kees telling me to wait, that the hormones have probably not dissipated yet. Meanwhile, my poor male cat has lost his friend and goes around jumpy all the time.
Previously I asked for specific, concrete suggestions, rather than generalities.
I'm asking again...please.
Thank you.
Craig

Hi Craig,

Have you thought about getting a cat behaviorist to come in and evaluate the situation and help you out? There are some really good ones out there that could help you.

It is difficult to tell you what to do because we aren't there in the moment and have no idea what really set this off for them. It could be a quest for the Alpha position, it could be the male hurt her- and although cats do not remember good things, they seldom forget the bad.

Have you tried the trick of putting vanilla extract on the cats several times a day to neutralize their scent? Under their chins, between their shoulder blades and at the base of the tails?

Also, we have a behaviorist that writes a column every month for us, you can find her address on her column Herding Cats at Home and email her. She is showcased on the home page of this website.

Originally Posted by cacorn

He is also afraid of her, and stays up on top of the cabinets whenever she comes out. He never fights back, even when she bolts from the room and goes after him.

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I don't see this as fear, it's probably dominance. You might have a cat that wants to be the dominant cat and another that's not willing to be subordinate. This is a complex and frustrating situation. I second hissy's suggestion for a good feline behaviorist. And you need one who's going to come and do an in-home consult, because he/she needs to see the cats in their environment.

Best wishes and good luck.

Thank you both.
We just took Zart - the little female terrorizer in a sweet tortoiseshell disguise - back in to the vet to rule out FIV, leukemia and thyroid issues (we had already done a basic check-up.
This was in preparation for the vet to prescribe medication on the advice of a behaviorist. They're talking about Prozac and Halcion. I'm somewhat (maybe even very) hesitant about the meds. Anyone else have experience - good or bad - with them? In home behaviorist is, I take it, the better way - at least at first?
As for fear vs. dominance...I'm not sure.
Zart has always been the dominant one, to the extent there was one. And George, though he's at least twice her size, seems as though he would acquiesce to her, he seems fearful as well.
They used to play pretty rough from time and time, so I wonder whether - as was suggested - he hurt her more than we ever saw.

Craig

Halcion!?!? That's a sleeping medication. And not with a very good reputation, either. Prozac is OK....I know of its use in cats. It's an anti-depressant and also functions as a mood stabilizer. I don't know about the Halcion....doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

If behavior modification will work, that's preferable to medication.

Tim:
Yeah, I'm familiar with Halcion, as well. It's a short acting anti-anxiety med in the valium class, but it has been banned for use in people because there were suicides associated with it. I was wondering whether others had tried it with their cats.
I'm much more inclined to non-med therapy, if it can be effective.
Thanks,
Craig

Originally Posted by cacorn

Thank you both.
We just took Zart - the little female terrorizer in a sweet tortoiseshell disguise - back in to the vet to rule out FIV, leukemia and thyroid issues (we had already done a basic check-up.
This was in preparation for the vet to prescribe medication on the advice of a behaviorist. They're talking about Prozac and Halcion. I'm somewhat (maybe even very) hesitant about the meds. Anyone else have experience - good or bad - with them? In home behaviorist is, I take it, the better way - at least at first?
As for fear vs. dominance...I'm not sure.
Zart has always been the dominant one, to the extent there was one. And George, though he's at least twice her size, seems as though he would acquiesce to her, he seems fearful as well.
They used to play pretty rough from time and time, so I wonder whether - as was suggested - he hurt her more than we ever saw.

Craig

Click to expand...

I had my cat on xanax. You could always try the meds to see if they will work. You could always stop the meds if they don't work. Even if they do, I suppose you could stop after a while to see if the undesirable behavior stopped.