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who has the last say? - Page 2

post #31 of 43
When I was married it never mattered what I thought. That's why I love my Maxey so much - everything we do is a mutual decision and the things that are important and involve us, our relationship, our home, our pets and our futures are discussed and agreed upon. It's LOVELY!!!
post #32 of 43
Originally Posted by WellingtonCats
You need an other option. I live with my mother and I have the last say.

I voted me.
That's because you're a teenager LOL!!
post #33 of 43
It's usually me. Will is a middle child and so easy to get along with and I'm an only child and usually need to be right or have my way alot. He's so wonderful for putting up with me. We don't argue often though.
post #34 of 43
It's mainly my way I need to be in control but if I can see that something is really important to my hubby we try and compramise he's a very quite man easy going and happy to spoil me and let me have my way most times and I won't fib I like it
post #35 of 43
To say that one person or the other has "the last word" is a recipe for disaster waiting to happen.

Betty and I discuss important issues as well as minor ones, and it isn't difficult to reach a concensus, and if one of us is out of town and a decision has to be made (this would be rare, beause we keep our life under better control than that) then the one on the spot would make the decision and the other one would fully support it.

On money matters, I TOTALLY defer to my wife, because she was in a pretty responsible position in one of the larger financial houses, and knows how those things work, and in areas of my expertise, she defers to me, but we still confer regularly.

post #36 of 43
We generally work things out together. There are some areas,where he is "boss". He used to be a diesel mechanic, so he manages the vehicles. I am a nurse, so tend to have more influence with health decisions. We did discuss this before we married, and agreed that if we ever couldn't compromise, he would have the final say. But over 12 years into it, that has never come up!

My ex was one of those control freaks. He got mad over the dishes I bought once, and I had to ask him what am I in charge of? I think that although in a marriage we have to work things out, there should be areas where each can make decisions without needing to check in with the other person.

Besides the control issue being a red flag-I would also consider respect. If both parties respect each other, they will treat each other fairly. If one person thinks they are the "ruler", and the other person is their "subject", look out!
post #37 of 43
Definitely both of us. We discuss and come to a decision together. Not that we haven't swayed one another toward a different way of thinking, but I can't imagine letting someone make all the decisions in a relationship that I'm a part of!
post #38 of 43
Thread Starter 
To say that one person or the other has "the last word" is a recipe for disaster waiting to happen.
i disagree, my husband and i have the most open, honest, loving, friendly and amazing relationship i know, everyone comments on how well we work together, how good we are with each other and how we are never selfish but try to support each other and how obvious it is that we are totally in love

my husband it not some totalarian control freak, if something is important to me then i get a say too, most the time we agree anyway as i said before so this hardly ever comes up, we both love the same movies, same outdoor activities, both have the same veiw on what should be done with finances etc

for example, say we have some money and a financial plan has to be sorted out to pay bills, some are more important, and we can't decide on what should get paid first then my husband doesn't just say 'ok, well i'm taking control now and this will be my decision!' i just let him do it because we can't decided and i trust him to make the right decision, besides, he's a accountant and deputy cheif execitive officer, who deals with finacial planning every day.

he's a very busy execetive and i'm an artist so we compliment each other very well in a lot of ways....it's not for everyone no but don't knock it until you have tried it.

so many realtionships are breaking down these days, relationships where no-one takes control yet my so called bad relationship where my husband is mostly in control is going strong and always has been, we have been through a lot but our relationship is still just as good as when we first met.

i'm chosing a lovely spa suite to stay in for my birthday in a few weeks plus a restaurant and champaigne and i'm going on a birthday shopping spree, yes my husband is in control but that never causes problems for us, my husband loves me unconditionaly and would do anything for me

post #39 of 43
There's not much we don't agree on pretty much right off the bat. But we still consult, do reality checks, just to make sure nobody is making wrong assumptions. It's very reassuring how infrequently we need to have any significant discussion to arrive at a decision.
post #40 of 43
Originally Posted by CoolCat
hummmmmm when is a serious decision WE analize every point , in other words we try to "talk" all....
I think depends what is the case, sometimes she took the desicion and sometime I....

If it is something I'm passionate about, I'll get my way, and If it is something Dan really wants, he will get his way. If we are equally strong minded after long discussion, we go to a coin. simple but effective.
post #41 of 43
Well it depends.. If he knows more about the subject, I'll let him have it.. If I know more, he'll let me have it. If it's equal (or neither knows crap!) we try to work together to resolve it. But usually one has more passion or knowledge about one thing so that's usually how it's split up. Very rarely do we fight it out about something. I do however let him win on stupid little things that I don't really care about and save my fights for the really big issues, which are few and far between.
post #42 of 43
We try to agree but he is an accountant and tries to influence me on the money matters (ie how much we save each month) But with the money issue I think that is determined how one was raised. He comes from a large family that had a small dairy farm. I think money was not as plentiful as my family (not that we had lots either)-I have one 1 sister and dad was blue collar and mom had a clerical job-it was a different type of environment than him.
I think also since his mother was a typical farmers wife and he was the youngest he wasn't and still isn't used to doing some chores around the house.
But otherwise we agree/compromise on pretty much everything else!!
post #43 of 43
i voted "me" but its really my mom
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