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Rudeness and our society - Page 2

post #31 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juniper
I saw several parents scold and smack their kids on the butt for bad behaviour - you don't see that much here (in my yuppie neighbourhood, anyway), so I was impressed.
A BIT OT:
I have to say that this sentence worries me a little ...especially since you are a Nanny. If I see people smacking their kids on the butt (and in public yet), I feel physically ill. Its the same I would feel if I saw someone smacking a dog or cat. Physical violence gets you nowhere with a child just like it gets you nowhere with an animal....There is a difference between a child acting out and the parent reprimanding them for doing so or the parent humiliating and harming by smacking them.
I happen to be one of those attachment parents (or that "crap") you spoke of in one of your posts. And depending on how you look at the philosophy, there is discipline. It just does not involve violence or humiliation. I was once complimented in a bank line by an elderly lady for the impressive manners of my daughter.. She isn't perfect by any means but there are ways around raising a child that don't involve losing your temper (and yes, smacking a child in public is losing control)...

Just my two cents..

Quote:
I think people may have thought *I* was rude, though, because I noticed that everyone down their referred to me with 'ma'am' - you don't get that up here, except occasionally when dealing with an older, difficult customer, perhaps, so I didn't use it in return - so I was a bit paranoid the whole time that people might think me rude because I wasn't ma'am-ing and sir-ing all over the place like they were, but I just couldn't do it, it was so strange to me. So basically, I agree with you - maybe certain regions in the States are particulary rude, but overall I really didn't find Americans very rude at all.
I do agree with you here..I get called Ma'am and I feel old. I also start speaking in a drawl on the phone if I talk with a US southerner too long..Its weird but I can't seem to help it!!
post #32 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juniper
Heh, we get those idiots here, too - not once but TWICE last week, people allowed their dogs (who were off leash illegally) to run into the children's wading pool at the park where I take the kids I nanny for - when this happens, the pool has to be drained and refilled, because it's not sanitary - we ended up having to wait an hour in scorching heat for the pool to drain and refill, all because people can't bother to leash their dogs - neither of the people apologised or acted remorseful in any way either, and one of them actually became indignant when she was lectured by the upset swimmers about keeping her dog on a leash, despite the fact that SHE was the one who broke the law!
One of my biggest pet peeves are those who don't pick up after their dogs..
I have seen poop in the middle of the sidewalk! I mean, come on....
post #33 of 48
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by rosiemac
Take it from me Hope we have our fair share of ignorant numptys over here as well!
Susan, I just love the phrases you have.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loveysmummy
I happen to be one of those attachment parents (or that "crap") you spoke of in one of your posts. And depending on how you look at the philosophy, there is discipline.
I do agree that you can properly discipline without the whack on the butt. I'm just frustrated with the ones who ignore their childrens behavior. I have some friends who know how to address the behavior when it happens and the kids behave. My sister's kids are another story.
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsknowme
Another example of American rudeness - Last week at the Coso Junction Safety Rest Area, people were walking their dogs across the lawn there, right past the "No Pets Beyond This Point - Please use Pet Area" signs. The dogs were, of course, peeing all over the place & one defecated.
We have large areas of Open Space here (where the city and country governments purchase land to preserve it, kind of like parks). Because of the damage done by dogs, some areas are having to be restricted and the dog people are having fits because they have "a right" to take their dog anywhere. What disappoints me is that the responsible dog owners and others are paying the price for the irresponsible ones.
post #34 of 48
How's this for rude..... We have an older gentleman in our neighborhood who walks his little dog around the neighborhood every evening. I looked out my window one day last week and saw him let his dog take a dump on our lawn. I thought surely he would clean it up. NO!! He kept right on walking with the little poopy dog. I've seen him let his dog poop in other yards without cleaning it up, too. Our neighbors across the street really let him have it yesterday
post #35 of 48
Kelly, I would stick my head out of my door and ask him if he needs a bag to clean up his dog's poop that he just left on your lawn...This is what I have done..
post #36 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loveysmummy
A BIT OT:
I have to say that this sentence worries me a little ...especially since you are a Nanny. If I see people smacking their kids on the butt (and in public yet), I feel physically ill. Its the same I would feel if I saw someone smacking a dog or cat. Physical violence gets you nowhere with a child just like it gets you nowhere with an animal....There is a difference between a child acting out and the parent reprimanding them for doing so or the parent humiliating and harming by smacking them.
I happen to be one of those attachment parents (or that "crap") you spoke of in one of your posts. And depending on how you look at the philosophy, there is discipline. It just does not involve violence or humiliation. I was once complimented in a bank line by an elderly lady for the impressive manners of my daughter.. She isn't perfect by any means but there are ways around raising a child that don't involve losing your temper (and yes, smacking a child in public is losing control)...

Just my two cents..
Well first off, I would never dream of laying a finger on the kids I nanny for, as I do not feel it is appropriate for anyone besides the parents to spank their kids - it is not my place to spank someone else's child, under any circumstances, whether I feel it's warranted by the behaviour or not.

That said, you are certainly entitled to your opinion that spanking is wrong, and of course you can raise your children without spanking them, that's your prerogative, but spanking is NOT illegal, and as long as it is not done in any abusive manner (hitting with objects, doing it constantly over every little thing, hitting so hard that you are seriously hurting the child, etc.), I feel that there is nothing wrong with it. Just as you are entitled to your opinion that spanking is wrong and can choose not to spank your kids, I am entitled to think that it is okay and I can choose to spank my kids if I ever have them - and I absolutely would, if a child of mine was throwing a major tantrum in a store or restaurant. It's a personal choice.
post #37 of 48
Oh, and I do agree with you that it is possible to discipline without spanking - I'm just as satisfied if I see people discipline their misbehaving-in-public kids any other way - as long as they discipline them and stop the behaviour in SOME way.
post #38 of 48
Thanks. Yes, I do agree with this...As I stated in a pet peeve post not too long ago, one of my biggest peeves is parents who let their child get away with everything especially if it infringes upon others..I was at the zoo recently (I only go there once every few years as it saddens me too..ack) but in front of the mama lion's cage (as she was nursing her young), there was a child screeching and banging on the bar in front of him... The mother just stood there and it clearly annoyed not only me. I made a comment but it went unheard...I just wanted to squish him.
post #39 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loveysmummy
Kelly, I would stick my head out of my door and ask him if he needs a bag to clean up his dog's poop that he just left on your lawn...This is what I have done..
Normally, I would have done that. I was just so shocked that I couldn't get down stairs quick enough . You know what's funny? One week, in "This Week's Questions" that Susie (kittylover4ever) posts, one of the questions was something along the lines of "What would you do if you saw someone let their dog poop on your lawn and didn't clean it up?". I humorously answered that I would follow him home and dump my 4 litterboxes on his lawn I guess I'm all talk!!!
post #40 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsknowme
Yes, I have had the same experience with my speech-impaired daughter, with women (no man has ever done it yet) turning to me & ask, right in front of her, "What's wrong with her?" or "Is she deaf?" or "What happened to her?", even though my daughter & I are talking quietly to each other. It really erodes my daughter's confidence, and seeing the tears in her eyes just rips my heart. Once my best friend was with us, & told the woman, "Nothing - she's not the one asking rude questions!"
That drives me mad! I've experienced the same scenarios your daughter goes through. "Whats wrong with her".."what happened to her"....and it does affect self confidence when people say this. Just make sure you always let her know that she is perfect the way she is (sounds so cliche but even at my age I would give anything to hear this from my parents).
post #41 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by sadisticookie
That drives me mad! I've experienced the same scenarios your daughter goes through. "Whats wrong with her".."what happened to her"....and it does affect self confidence when people say this. Just make sure you always let her know that she is perfect the way she is (sounds so cliche but even at my age I would give anything to hear this from my parents).
THANK YOU! Sometimes I worry if she talks to loud and that people will notice her speech more, but you're right - that's the way God made her & since she's not being obnoxious, I should encourage her to talk in public.
As for rude people, I think that they rely on the rest of society being too polite to call them on it. Once, entering the bank, I was holding the door open for my daughter (she was recovering from her encephalitis and walked slowly, due to dizziness & neurological damage, but at least she was walking unsupported) and this rude guy pushed thru her & beat us into the bank so I called to him, "That wasn't very gentlemanly!" and he said, "Hey, I ain't no d**n gentleman!" and I said, "Too bad for you, if you were you might get 'lucky' a lot more often!". He just turned away & let it drop, but his cheeks were red. And then me, bleeding heart, felt bad that I'd embarrassed him!
post #42 of 48
I agree with Juniper on the spanking issue. One spank is enough to get the childs attention. I was spanked as a child. never with an object and it was one or two licks on the butt. I sure knew i was naughty and i didnt do the offense again..
post #43 of 48
Another thought to all the above - I blame a lot of rudeness on people growing up with soap operas. Having been a Tv writer myself, I know that in the script there is no time to take emotions and reactions gently - people are made to speak and act in a very direct fashion, completely alien to the way I was brought up to deal with people. My daughter used to deal with her friends in the way her favourite characters in serials like 'Home and Away' did, until I pointed out that they did that to move the plot along fast, and were not real people. But I think many people today express themselves like TV people, and also have no fear of showing their anger/frustration/contempt openly, as if the camera was on them!
post #44 of 48
I cannot believe sometimes at how people actually act. I am, by no means, perfect. But I try my best to act civil towards others.

We just got back from our road trip yesterday. So we dealt with a lot of people from different areas. I would most definitely say that down South people are more polite in general. But unfortunately, there are rude people where ever you go.

We stopped at South of the Border to get some souvenirs and there were three people behind the counter. All about my age (20) I'd say. The whole time we were in there they just talked amongst themselves. Never asked anyone if they needed help. When we went to pay it seemed as though we were disturbing their conversation although it continued throughout our purchase. They only thing she said to us was the price. I can't count the number of times that has happened to me before.

So sorry that you actually might have to do the job you were hired for!

Also, I worked at a private preschool for two years. Most of the parents there were well-to-do and had demanding jobs and schedules. Unfortunately, this meant that their kids were there all day (some kids would be dropped off at opening at 7AM and not picked up until closing 6PM).

And I noticed that it seemed the parents felt guilty for this so they would allow their children to do whatever they pleased when they had them. What did it matter? When they were with them they were allowed to do whatever and the kids were happy. But when they came back to school and had to listen to rules, share, etc. they never wanted to.

The worst was a couple with two children, Cameron (who was 4) and Aidan (who was 2). They were dropped off first thing in the morning and picked up at the end of the day. And usually 3 or 4 days out of the 5 day week they were picked up by babysitters.

The parents would get home usually around 9 -- with the kids still awake. They would allow the kids to stay up as late as they wanted, eat whatever they wanted, etc. There were so many times that Cameron would fall asleep at the lunch table because he had stayed up to 11 or 12 the night before. He would act out in class, hurt the other children, scream and cry when he was told he had to follow the rules like the rest of the children. He didn't know how to count, the alphabet, his colors like everyone else in his class did. He was a very bright little boy and could learn easily if his parents would just take the time.

They both had very well paying jobs -- one was a lawyer and the other was an editor for the Times newspaper in NY. Considering the substantial cost of day care one could have easily either quit their job or cut their hours down.

I think this is a big problem too -- parents who don't or won't take the time to teach their children how to behave properly.
post #45 of 48
Craig and I were in a very nice burrito restaurant not too long ago. As we were standing in line to have our burrito made there was a couple in front of us that had a boy that looked to be about 4 or 5 years old. This little boy was wearing a "Daddy's Little Man" T-shirt. He was also running all around the restaurant stomping his feet and yelling. He then proceeded to climb on TOP of the tables and jump from one empty table top to another. His parents sat there and smiled and totally ignored it. I was completely dumbfounded.


If that had been my kid I would have made his little butt sting. What kind of person allows their kid to stand on a table MUCH less a table in a public restaurant where other people eat. I just couldn't believe it. I did alert the manager and hinted that he should have someone clean those tables. And after his parents got done ordering he sat down to eat with them.


Can you believe the nerve of people. I think it's laziness. People don't want to spend the time to educate and discipline their kids. Hell.. most parents I see now days don't even bother to spend time with their kids.
post #46 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassandra_Starr
Can you believe the nerve of people. I think it's laziness. People don't want to spend the time to educate and discipline their kids. Hell.. most parents I see now days don't even bother to spend time with their kids.



At some of the places I've been for work I've seen some of the most disobiedant children ever!. We'll go into a town to drop off supplies and I'll see kids jumping onto our aircraft. Walking on the wings, leaning on the props...that kind of thing. I tell the parents "hey can you please control your child?" and I get the eye roll!. AHHH, how are the kids supposed to learn how to be polite if the parents won't set the example???
post #47 of 48
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cassandra_Starr
Craig and I were in a very nice burrito restaurant not too long ago. As we were standing in line to have our burrito made there was a couple in front of us that had a boy that looked to be about 4 or 5 years old. This little boy was wearing a "Daddy's Little Man" T-shirt. He was also running all around the restaurant stomping his feet and yelling. He then proceeded to climb on TOP of the tables and jump from one empty table top to another. His parents sat there and smiled and totally ignored it. I was completely dumbfounded.
And they would have blamed everyone else but themselves if "Daddy's Little Man" got hurt falling off one of those tables.
post #48 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Juniper
I totally agree. I find the lack of discipline today - I think it's the result of trends like attachment parenting and 'gentle discipline' and that sort of crap - really disturbing. Go to any restaurant or store, and you're pretty much guaranteed to see someone's brats running wild, screaming, bumping into people, etc. while the parents totally ignore the behaviour - my mother would have *killed* me if I'd behaved that way as a child. When we were in a restaurant I was expected to sit at the table and behave myself, no screaming, and in a store, I had to walk beside my mother, no running, no screaming, and I never dared to throw a fit in public, because I knew there would be serious consequences. I was expected to say please and thank you and excuse me, without any nonsense excuses like 'oh, she's just shy, that's why she didn't say thank you' (yes, I actually heard a mother say this). As a result, I've grown up to be an adult who uses manners in public, treats service personnel with respect, and when I was working those kinds of jobs, was polite to customers. But nowadays, with the attachment parenting and gentle discipline crap, you're not supposed to ever punish your kid, or insist that they behave a certain way, or that they use their manners because that would scar them for life or something, and it wouldn't be 'natural' and respectful of the child and a bunch of other nonsense that these militant 'eath mama' AP types push. So ridiculous. It doesn't surprise me at all that these kids grow up to be the kind of store clerks who snap at you and act like you're imposing on them by wanting them to actually do their jobs, or the kind of customers who think it's okay to treat store clerks like they aren't even human, or the sort of people who can't be bothered to say 'excuse me' when they push past you, or 'thank you' when you hold the door for them. How could anyone possibly grow up to be a polite, respectful adult with manners, if they are not taught as children to be polite, respectful and have manners? It's the only logical result. It's really sad and pathetic, though.

I totally 100% agree!!
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