A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
"Governmentium." Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic
mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons. Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected,
because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days
to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium
has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes
a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy
neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to
become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion
leads some scientists to believe th at Governmentium is formed whenever
morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money,
Governmentium becomes Administratium -an element which radiates just as
much energy as the Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice
as many morons.
heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named
"Governmentium." Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic
mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of particles called peons. Since
Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected,
because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over four days
to complete, when it would normally take less than a second. Governmentium
has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes
a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy
neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to
become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion
leads some scientists to believe th at Governmentium is formed whenever
morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass." When catalyzed with money,
Governmentium becomes Administratium -an element which radiates just as
much energy as the Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice
as many morons.
