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Who Understands Men?

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
.Note: This was sent to me by a friend who is single-never-married and over 35. I sympathize, but I'm an old married woman so I can afford to.

Who Understands Men?

1. The nice men are ugly.
2. The handsome men are not nice.
3. The handsome and nice men are gay.
4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.
5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.
6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money.
7. The handsome men without money are after our money.
8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.
9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.
10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!
11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.


Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with.
post #2 of 28
I DO,I DO!!!!! Piece of cake!! Easy as pie!! Noooo problemo!!!

But I'm not allowed to tell you...union rules!!! :LOL: :LOL:
post #3 of 28
I have given up trying to understand men.
post #4 of 28
Men are NOT hard to's all laid out here in the guidebook in black and white.

Oh!!!! I Forgot!!! You wimmin folks aren't permitted to see it. :LOL:

I Know Something You Don't Know!!!!! :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
post #5 of 28

Hey...gimmee that book!!! Hand it over you! Okay girls...on 3 "rush" him!

Okay, you're now our prisoner...spill the beans Wayne! :LOL::LOL:

post #6 of 28
Someone sent me this many moons ago, and I "lost" it...thanks for posting it again!

I have a wonderful man now, but trust me, it took a lot of frog kissing before I found my prince!
(and honestly, I saw most of the above...ask and I'll tell!)
post #7 of 28
Ooooo do tell Cleo!! Do tell!!! I love a good ol' bashing story!!
post #8 of 28
Bod...I just sent you an e-mail complete with pic to show you just one example of my "warty" history! :laughing2

Thank God for that wart medicine (forget the name)...took almost all the scars away!
post #9 of 28
Ah yessss, I got it!! I sent ya one back!! I didn't get to see the warty pic though.... still whats new?!! We have alot of trouble with "pictures" don't we girl!!!???!!! ha ah ha ha ha
post #10 of 28
We sure do I think its cuz we're in such a rush to get them to each other, we forget the details....I got it this time though!
post #11 of 28
YEY!!! I got it!! Nice dress!!
post #12 of 28
Wouldn't do you any good to grab the's written in MAN TALK and you would need our secret decoder ring(AKA Halo:goodbad: ) Sorry girls...TOOOO BAD!!! :LOL: :LOL:
post #13 of 28
Hey but KF... I can talk Man language!! I've been listening to hubby with his brothers/dad/uncles...and here is what I learnt.... tell me if you can understand ok? Ready?

Uga ugga ugga beer ugga grunt ugga cars ugga ugga!!! UGGA UGGA IM RIGHT UGGA! grunt snort ugga
Is that right?!!!! :laughing:
post #14 of 28
if you really want to tell everyone about the mole on your......!!!
post #15 of 28
Oh darn!! and there I was thinking I was talking about civil rights....
post #16 of 28
HAHAHA...Rhea, he's throwing you off, I'm the only girl out of 3 brother 15 male cousins and 5 Uncles on my dads side...don't let him throw ya off! Rrrrrrr..ungawa, ungawa, Suewwwweeeeeeee, sueweeeeeeeee!!! uguga buuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrp...slurp, slurp...urrrrp....mmmmmmmmmmm

post #17 of 28
Aha!!! Now I see!! I was right all along! Trust you KF to try and throw me off the scent!! Well you've failed!! And Cat I totally agree that the 17 ammendment needs to be updated!! Ugga ug grumble ugga groan ugga food ugga belch ugga ug ugga barf UG paaaaarp!! Don't you agree Cat?!
post #18 of 28
Bluuuuuurrrrrbhhhhhhh Phhhhhhtttt, snort, snort...blubblblah, blecch, crooooooooomph! NIRPLE..snicber corpfempfpimples....snausages snausages.......??? burrrrrrp 'eh.

post #19 of 28
According to THE BOOK

1---Cat's uncle has porkrinds in his carburetor..and likes it.
2----Bod ate a deep-dish umberella but used too much Worstreshire sauce.
3----Cat dyed her cat blue and pink and shoved 2 sausages up it's...OH MY!!!!!

I think you have the WRONG guidebook.
post #20 of 28
"Women need a reason for sex. Men just need a place."

Billy Crystal
post #21 of 28
Donna, you got that right :LOL:
post #22 of 28
Donna and Melissa... and your point is????
post #23 of 28
Well I dont know about that now. I know lots of men that think about more then just a place before doing so.
post #24 of 28
Whoever came up with that list has been living my life!! thanks for posting it. Men think we're hard to figure out!

Come to think of it; trying to figure out men just gives me a headache and makes me realize how wonderful my cat is
post #25 of 28

AMEN to that!!
post #26 of 28
Wayne that's not true! My uncle gave my dog a blue frisbee and she stuck it up his .... As far as my cats, they've deceided to redecorate their kitty condo pink Trying to throw us off the trail again aren't ya Wayne :laughing2 Snirklipmooom dirigitals! Polkemstok! hahaha! :LOL:

post #27 of 28
You have the WOMAN'S EDITION of the handbook!!!!!!! I wondered what was going on. We phased that issue out back in '79. The NEW one is never permitted outside union hands...

For those who are HOPELESSLY male-challenged...just give us lots of kisses ,lots of home cookin ,cuddle us like a big ol' teddy bear:teddy: and you'll make out fine.

Above all..when you're gonna do something,DON'T explain why That just gives us a headache:splitter: :confused3
post #28 of 28
Well, that explains it Wayne! :laughing2 I'm all for hugging and Philip, mmmmmmmmm Major :bear: I guess I'll toss the book!

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