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If my body were a car...

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.

My fenders are too wide to be considered stylish. They were once as sleek as a little MG; now they look more like an old Buick.

My seat cushions have split open at the seams. My seats are sagging. Seat belts? I gave up all belts when Krispy Cremes opened a shop in my neighborhood.!

Air bags? Forget it. The only bags I have these days are under my eyes. Not counting the saddlebags, of course.

I have soooooo many miles on my odometer. Sure, I've been many places and seen many things, but when's the last time an appraiser factored life experiences against depreciation?

My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.

It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.

My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it -almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
post #2 of 18
That sounds familiar, Fran!
post #3 of 18
Being in the car business pretty funny have to email to everyone
post #4 of 18
post #5 of 18
When I saw the subject, I immediately thought, "... I would be a total loss because of the hail damage on my thighs."
post #6 of 18
Good one...thanks

My favorite part is:

Quote:
Originally Posted by rapunzel47
But here's the worst of it -almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
post #7 of 18
That's good!
post #8 of 18
...I'd be in the salvage yard....
post #9 of 18
Me? The iron in my chassis has turned into lead in my gas.
My brakes are broke.
My bearings confused.
My get up and go done got up and left.

post #10 of 18
I'd be a gas guzler, and although my paint job's still okay somehow the interior room seems to grow and my tires aren't well equipped for it.

I'd also like to know who's driving since I seem to always veer off in unpredictable patterns at random times during the day. Good thing I'm not a low rider 'coz there's not always a road where I end up going!
post #11 of 18
My axel's worn, rear end's gone dry,
compression gone,I don't know why.
The tranny's shot, the stereo's not
so here I'm stuck on this cheap car lot...
post #12 of 18
you guys are funny!
post #13 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigKittenDaddy
My axel's worn, rear end's gone dry,
compression gone,I don't know why.
The tranny's shot, the stereo's not
so here I'm stuck on this cheap car lot...
Great. I'm beginning to think I should get a shower curtain to cover my monitor and keyboard. You guys crack me up!!!!
post #14 of 18
Lol!!!!!
post #15 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by evnshawn
When I saw the subject, I immediately thought, "... I would be a total loss because of the hail damage on my thighs."
post #16 of 18
I second the i would only be parts
post #17 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by evnshawn
When I saw the subject, I immediately thought, "... I would be a total loss because of the hail damage on my thighs."
You, too, eh?
post #18 of 18
Oh Yeah!
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