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The Last 90 Days...

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
The last 90 days have threatened my sanity and wellbeing like no other 90 period in recent memory.

~I lost my department position. In fact, I lost my job. My assistant took over the Director's chair, and I was fired. So, I switched offices, but can't seem to get any work going at all. I let my personal business lapse when I took the Director's chair, and now am back at the beginning. This means no paycheck for the last 4 months...

Then, I had a date. He was very strange, and decided I was stalking material. I had to deal with the police for that one. I've got a temporary restraining order on him, and will have to go to court to get it permanent.

O.K., so that's rough. Let's add to the mix, shall we?

My best friend on this planet had his 4th child in February. Well, he didn't, but his wife did. They now have 4 children under 9. She has a bad case of rheumatoid arthritis. It went dormant while she was pregnant, but a horrendous flareup happened in late April, incapacitating her and leaving him in charge of the 4 kids. I flew back to Tennessee to help out for a week in May...he's a good Dad, but also travels for work a lot. I helped out until one of her sisters was able to get away until he came home.

Then, in late May, my father fell (he's 82) and broke 3 ribs, his wrist, and had internal injuries to his liver and spleen. He wouldn't go to the hospital, though, and no amount of bullying was able to get him there. Finally, I snuck a call to his GP, who put pressure on Dad to go to the hospital. I drove, and waited, and drove home. No surgery, thank God. So then he decided (with the help of the percocet) that he should go for a walk; he usually walks about 4 miles 3x a week. The next day it hurt to breathe, so I loaded him up on percocet and kidnapped him to his Dr. He was fine, although madder than a wet hen once he realized what I had done. LOL! He's fine now, but it was a big problem at the time.

Then my mother had knee replacement surgery. In New Jersey. So I went out there to give her a bit of a hand. She's doing fine now, as well.

And because I was losing my mind at this point, a friend and I jumped in her 4by4 and went to Zion National Park and Monument Valley. 4 days of r+r...except it wasn't too restful nor relaxing. She's in the middle of a major clinical depression episode with suicidal ideations, and has attempted it 4 times in the last 5 months. Her Dr. wants her hospitalized, but instead, she is staying with me while she gets through this episode. Although her Dr. agrees with this, and I agree with this (last chance sort of stuff), two weeks ago a gun was ordered...and I hit the roof. She's still here, only because she really is resisting the hospital, but it's wearing thin. (For those who don't know, I have clinical depression; stable now, but always there). This is enormously hard on me...but I grab a cat and cuddle when I need some loving.

And last week, I had two skin cancer spots taken off my neck and shoulder.

So that's where I've been the last few months; fighting to maintain my sanity, no money, and trying to be a good friend and daughter.

Someday, there will be time for me. There really will. Can I come visit you? And no-one will get the phone number, I promise. Please?

post #2 of 21
Oh boy Michele!!

Sounds like you have alot on your plate...I hope things turn around for you soon. All of that is alot for one person to handle. Keep your chin up!, it can only get better from here!

Take care
post #3 of 21

I'm very glad to see you, but sorry to see that these past three months have been so hard on you. I wish I was closer to you! If you ever want to escape to Colorado you know you are always welcome in my home. I've really missed seeing you here!
post #4 of 21
Well, that is an amazing amount of stress to occur in 3 months! I think you have dealt with each situation in an exemplary way!

Although I would make the friend give me the gun to lock away in a lock box out of her reach. No way would I want a gun in my house, especially with a potentially suicidal person around! Depression can be a fatal illness, as I'm sure you know.

You can come visit anytime. You sound like the kind of friend who is there when you are needed! I don't have a guest room, but there is the kitten room where I foster kittens!

Keep your perspective, & cuddle your cat.
post #5 of 21
Oh geez Michele, I'm sorry that you're going through this. What a rough year you've been having! Lol, if you're ever in Texas, we have a spare room for ya... with plenty of cats to give ya loving (and scratches if you're near Jordan). ((hugs)) and here's hoping the rest of the year goes better!
post #6 of 21
Wow Michele you poor honey. What a dreadful time you've had. It never seems to be just one thing that is thrown at us at a time, is it? Obviously the universe is telling you something - well, two things, I think. Firstly, that you are obviously a wonderful person who can really help others in their times of need, and that you are someone people can trust and rely on when they have nowhere else to turn. And secondly, that despite all of that you MUST start thinking about YOU and what you need to do to be happy and secure. If you have clinical depression yourself all of this stress is really not going to be good for you. Maybe you could sit down and write a list of all the things that are getting to be a bit too much for you, and then write next to that list the things that you need to do to help alleviate the stress of the situation. AND BE STRICT!!! Your friend needs to be in hospital - you are not a psychiatrist or a psychiatric nurse (well, actually, you might be ... lol) and you should have this responsibility. It is not fair on you or her. And the other things sound as though they are very stressful for now but will resolve themselves in time, and that you just need to hang on!!

Best of luck and lots and lots and LOTS of hugs and if you need to vent or talk or anything you know that everyone here is there for you.
post #7 of 21
Oh Michele,

We've all been wondering about you. Here is a BIG hug for you -
post #8 of 21
WOW Michele! It never rains, does it?? So it seems we were right to be concerned about you. I'm glad some of it has resolved, but please make sure you look out for you.
post #9 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanks, all...

Although I would make the friend give me the gun to lock away in a lock box out of her reach. No way would I want a gun in my house, especially with a potentially suicidal person around! Depression can be a fatal illness, as I'm sure you know
I do know, but thanks for reminding me. I wish more people understood it better, though, like her husband. As for the gun, it is no where near here, and she will not be able to get it back. I took it down to my friend in the PD, and he's got hold of it.

Sarah, I'm not a psy. nurse, but I've been where she is now. I really understand this illness...and I'm in frequent communication with her Dr. He's on vacation, and it was either hospitalize her against her will or stay with me. There are certain rules here - like no sleeping all day, eat at least once, communicate (no silence allowed), and stay on her meds...and it's only until he comes back or she gets too bad and I admit her. And it's close - I am not really equipped to handle this, as much as I want to be able to. I'm just not able to give her the help she needs. And it's tough. But more and more we're discussing hospitalization, and it's becoming less and less an adamant "no" and more and more "I'll consider it." So progress is being made. It's just a rough haul at the moment, for her and for me.

I am indeed hanging on...some days it's by a thread, but I'm hanging on. And if I feel myself slipping, there will be changes.

It's just tough.

Let's see...I could go to TX, IL and CO....can anyone say "road trip????" LOL, you never know. I just may pm you one day and say "got room?"

I've really missed this place, the friends that are here and the conversation about cats and all sorts of things. Thanks for welcoming me back. Made my heart smile.

post #10 of 21
Oh no Michele! That's quite a load to bear. I admire the way you're handling it. I sure couldn't. I'm happy though you are back.
post #11 of 21
Originally Posted by noni
There are certain rules here - like no sleeping all day, eat at least once, communicate (no silence allowed), and stay on her meds...and it's only until he comes back or she gets too bad and I admit her.
Excellent excellent - that is perfect. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder and if I was having a depressive episode I had to live by rules, too - and no sleeping all day and the other things that you have mentioned were in there. It is really tough on the patient (as you would know) and the carer (as you would also know!) but you've gotta have the rules. I wasn't allowed to take care of my own medication, either. And after about two years when I finally convinced my mother I wasn't going to do anything, she agreed to let me look after my meds on my own as a trial run and as soon as she went on holiday to Singapore I took an entire bottle of Lithium - over 60 grams - and ended up in hospital for a week.

You're the one who needs to be in control here as I'm sure you know, and I admire you SO much for being such an amazing friend and spending your time like this. If you ever come to Perth you can look me up I'd be honoured to meet such a remarkable person.
post #12 of 21
Thread Starter 
Funny you should mention meds. I am holding all of them (it was one of the attempts she made recently), and her Dr. and I have worked it out so that I hold some prescriptions for the refills (Dalmane, Celexa, Trazodone, and Ambien). There is never enough to kill herself in the house, which is why we're at the pharmacy every few days getting the next set. She has promised me I won't wake up to a body in my living room, and so far she's kept her word when it's been given. Her Dr. trusts her, and I trust her...but only so far as we can see her. So that makes things hard, too...

I am in charge, and she has not fought that too much. She respects the rules, and has abided by them for the last week. But it's still touch and go...

As for me being a good friend, perhaps. But I promised myself if I could ever help someone who was where I was at, then I would. And thus I am...

But thank God for cats, you know?

post #13 of 21
Any possibility of a day treatment program? Then she would be in groups during the day with other people, but be able to come home to you at night?

You are awesome, but do remember to take time for yourself. IM me when you are ready for that road trip!
post #14 of 21
Michele sweetheart, boy am I glad to see you. I am so very sorry to hear of the past 90 days - as someone else said "it never rains, it pours" - its so true isnt it?

I am a bit far away, but if you want to hop on a plane and fly to Melbourne then we most certainly WILL find room for you

so glad have you pop in, we have all missed you so much my friend
post #15 of 21
Gawd! what a horrible time!
Not only your kitties are there for you but TCS is too
post #16 of 21
If you decide to road trip north well I am in Medford, Or and You could overnight here on the wat to see your TCS friends in Portland and Wash. Rufus & Lukey give pretty good hugs and are used to depression as I take prozac for mine. Best of luck, Howard.
post #17 of 21
Aw Michele, I had a sinking feeling that things weren't well with you, and I'm so sad to hear it. You seem to be a magnet for stubborn creatures in need though (your father, your friend, and pengy verify that to me) and while maybe it's a lot of pressure, i know that you do it because you are the nurturing type-but remember to nurture yourself for a while. I hope your money situation comes about face, dear, and that you keep in touch now! Remember we care about you!
post #18 of 21
We have all been concerned about you and often bumped the Pengy thread hoping to hear from you. I also am saddened to hear how stressful the last 3 months have been for you. If I lived closer, I would be at your door offering whatever help I could.

Please, please take care of you too. You won't be any help to others if you are not healthy yourself.

What a wonderful daughter and friend you are.

Hugs from Canada to a special lady!
post #19 of 21
Thread Starter 
You guys rock. Thanks for all the love and all the offers of vacation rooms...but mostly, thanks for knowing there was something off, and caring enough to post and ask. That means a whole lot to me, more than I think even I can express. To know that I've got a back-up here like this is amazing, and comforting.

I am taking care of me, too, and her Dr. is paying close attention to me as well, to make sure I don't slide.

Thanks, you all. Thanks a ton and a ton and a ton.

Missed you all, very much.


post #20 of 21
OH Michele, glad to see you're back at TCS. We've missed you. Sorry about all that happening in such a short time. You're such a trooper! Hey, if you're ever back in Jersey visiting your mom or otherwise, gimme a ring. Hobbes can give you some luvin'...Jersey style.

Hope all is well. Hang in there! You are not alone-
post #21 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thanks, you guys. And Yosemite, you never know...Canada is an option for a vacation....I may just do a drive up the coast and meet all the TCSers on the way. LOL!!!

I'm hanging in. A bit of a difficult morning, but it's all gonna work out. I believe we are going to the Birch Aquarium tomorrow, or maybe SeaWorld. SOmething away from this house, for sure, and a break from the routine of depression.

I have faith that it will all come right, in the end. I'm just thanking God that nothing else has been piled onto my plate at the moment; for sure there are other things which could be wrong, too...and they're not. This has been a 90 day period of counting my blessings, and reminding myself that I can get through this intact and whole...and stronger for it all.

And with friends like all of you, how could I not?

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