New *LONG* Story - Anyone have an ear, advice, whatever?

As promised...I want to go into my trials and tribulations of my cat drama recently. Now, I just want to state for the record that I am lifelong lover of cats, had one all during my childhood and early 20s, and found Cassiopeia ("Cassie") when she was barely two weeks old. I ask that you please not judge me, as I have been fortunate not to have lived with my mistakes. Thank you for any and all advice you can give me.

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Hi guys, first let me introduce myself. My name is Taryn and i just found this website today. Believe me, the time could not be any better.

I have kind of a long story about my furbaby(s) -- it's complex, but there is a point and I basically just need to let it all out .

Three years ago, my boyfriend found a baby kitten crying in our backyard. She was probably about two weeks old, separated from her mother for whatever reason. We found a not-for-profit organization that would wean her, socialize her with other cats, and we got her back roughly five weeks later. This is Cassie.

Cassie is a beautiful healthy calico. She is also temperamental, which I hear is a characteristic of calicos. She is also very quirky, for example, in the middle of the night she will climb on my boyfriend and purr so loudly that it wakes both of us up. She is clingy, but then not. She is also extremely shy around strangers, she will run and hide under our covers whenever people come over. This was after her spaying, she was not like that when she was a kitty. But for the most part, she has been socialized with humans, not other cats.

Enter Napoleon Dynamite. We met him at a shelter a week and a half ago and fell in love with him. We had been talking to some friends and other cat lovers about getting another cat, we weren't sure how well Cassie would take to it, blah blah blah. Of course, we got the rigamarole of "get them used to each other's scents, and sounds...then let them see each other" etc etc. So we bring Napoleon home. That is the beginning of my troubles.

Napoleon is a boy, the shelter said he was three, but we think he is in his "terrible twos" the way he is so hyper and rambunctious. Cassie is playful but about 80% of the time, very mellow.

Anyway, my boyfriend, duing the "incubation stage" about two days into the "meet and greet" sessions, Napoleon escaped from the room we kept him in. Not good. Cassie FLIPPED OUT when he jumped next to her, and she started hissing and growling, and getting all antsy. Truth be told, we kind of expected that, but what we didn't expect was THIS:

About five hours after that incident, Cassie lunged and attacked my boyfriend. He's OK but enough to make him rethink the whole introducing a new cat situation. He told me he was going to take Napoleon back to the ASPCA. We were extremely grief-stricken but we thought it was for the best.

That same day, my boyfriend started analyzing Cassie and realized...she's sort of antisocial and can be aggressive with us at times. Our vet told us that this is because her mother never told her to stop biting (or rather, swatted her to let her know) and that biting hurts. I was against this, but my boyfriend thought we might be better off bringing her back to a shelter herself and letting experts work with her.

In the meantime, the ASPCA let us re-adopt Napoleon.

Needless to say, we were extremely grief-stricken before, but we needed Cassie back, even if it meant rehabilitation by us. The shelter had not gotten her adopted so we took her back too. Dare I say, that Cassie is still a little stressed, has not eaten too much, and vomited once yesterday morning (this is strange because she almost never vomits).

SO if you have following, we have two cats again. Cassie (the original "resident" cat) and Napoleon (the "defacto" resident cat). Now, we are doing the whole meeting "by the book" and since Cassie is less of a flight risk, we decided to leave her in the spare room, but let them smell and hear each other.

I'm sure you can tell by now, that I am a complete wreck. My vet has recommended "Feliway" or "anti-depressants" for Cassie, I'm not too sure about kitty prozac but maybe Feliway.

I'm sorry that I am taking up so much of your time, but in this past week, I have been so grief-stricken, to happy, to driven to get these cats to at least tolerate each other's presence (I know Napoleon won't mind, he's very outgoing, it's going to take a lot to get Cassie on board, potentially months to be honest). I need to make sure that I am doing this right. I need some support. Please let me know how you've handled your problem cats.

I also ask, that in light of what I have told you, that you please not hold judgment over me. I am fortunate enough that I was able to not have to live with my mistakes, and I am so grateful for it. Now I am looking to do this right.

Thanks for listening. Even if you don't have any advice for me, I just needed to get this off my chest.

Oh and I just wanted to note a few more things -- Cassie has been very withdrawn...not eating that much (although she ate a little yesterday), responds to "snacks" and "treats" but is basically laying around a lot. I don't want to stress her out any more but I know it will be inevitable that I introduce Napoleon's scents to her. I am very worried but optimistic. Thanks again, y'all

sounds like all of cassies issues started when the new cat was brought home, not cassies fault. Forget the drugs your vet suggested, its bad enough people are addicted to meds, lets not turn our pets into medicare patients. adjusting takes time. cassiewas the resident cat. not fair to blame her for acting territorial over a new cat. she may be anti-social towards other cats. you either accept that or you dont. you took on responsibilty when you took cassie in, with all her faults. if you care about cassie as much as you appear to, keep them seperated for months and see what happens. but if cassie is stuck in her ways, which do you give up?

Well, my cat was on meds, he was on xanax. It's no big deal if the meds could help. Then you could wean the cat off the meds. What exactly did the vet recommend? Maybe you could medicate her for while, to see if she gets better.

Originally Posted by catguy

sounds like all of cassies issues started when the new cat was brought home, not cassies fault. Forget the drugs your vet suggested, its bad enough people are addicted to meds, lets not turn our pets into medicare patients. adjusting takes time. cassiewas the resident cat. not fair to blame her for acting territorial over a new cat. she may be anti-social towards other cats. you either accept that or you dont. you took on responsibilty when you took cassie in, with all her faults. if you care about cassie as much as you appear to, keep them seperated for months and see what happens. but if cassie is stuck in her ways, which do you give up?

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Catguy, I agree with you 100%. I NEVER wanted to put her on meds, it was just a suggestion by our vet, but I prefer a holistic approach just like you do.

I think the issue is that my boyfriend (Charles) is a little overzealous. He wants things to happen rightnow! I know it will take time...

I know we made a commitment to Cassie when we took her in. I know she loves us, but she is a very frightened kitty. I'm just afraid she won't snap out of her shell. But I am optimistic that everything will work out. Even if they just tolerate each other, I'll be OK with that, they don't have to be buddies.

I think all you need is time. It's only been a week and a half, and it takes time for cats to get used to each other. Willow (dilute tortoiseshell in my signature pic) was, and kind of still is, anti-social and tempermental. We got Buffy when she was 2 years old and Buffy was 4 weeks old (momma died). Willow hated Buffy at first, but we did the recommended separation thing (Buffy would go in my room while Willow roamed the house). Buffy was really tiny and was always screaming, so after only a week Willow was calming down (at least enough that she wasn't screaming and hissing at Buffy). I think it was the mother in Willow (even though she's been spayed since she was a kitten) that made her calm down and tend to the weak, needy Buffy. After only a week Willow was sniffing Buffy and then running away when Buffy turned around, and about a week after that she and Buffy were playing. Willow was back to normal about a month later, though I don't think the "normal" Willow ever returned. Willow herself is fine and healthy, but the "normal" Willow is a lazy, easy-going (sometimes territorial) cat who prefers to sleep, and Buffy is a little firecracker so for the past 2 years Willow has been tortured in games of tag and chase and wrestle. Oh, she pretends she hates it, but I can tell deep down she loves the attention, lol

Just keep at it and they'll eventually get used to each other. Try not to rush it, as that can have negative consequences that can last for years (some people said they put their cats together right away and years later the cats still hated each other). It would be harder if it was two males or two females, since there's the dominance thing (Buffy and Willow are always fighting, when they're not playing or sleeping). One male and 2 females or one male and one female is the best choice. All spayed/neutered, of course

Hi, I think Cassie's now doubly stressed - by Napoleon at first, but then by having to go to the shelter (as if she'd been bad), etc. Just let them work it out, but keep an eye on Nap. if he gets a bit too rough with her and then put her in a 'safe' place for a short time. He's trying to dominate the space and may end up doing so, but she'll accept it better and faster if she has her own territory where he can't go. They may end up cohabiting without sharing space, or even being friends down the line once roles are established, but don't punish Cassie anymore, and do give her somewhere to go with her own pillow, etc. that he's not allowed into.

Originally Posted by blue_monday_88

I need to make sure that I am doing this right. I need some support

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well let me just say that you most certainly have come to the right place. Unfortunatly though, I am not the best person to give you advise. You see I have a scared little kitty on my hands as well - but one thing I need to tell you, and I am sure you know this, is it takes patience and lots and lots and lots of love.

Poor sweet Cassie - sounds to me that its going to take sometime. Usually they do end up sorting themselves out - whether thats to be friends or not to be friends and just stay out of each others way, they will work it out. And its possible to take some time. How long has Cassie been the only resident cat? I assume thats a major factor. Her whole world has been turned upside down and she doesnt understand it. Make sure that she gets the first of everything, and she knows that. The first hello when you come home, the first rub, the first food etc..

I dont know what else to say - sorry... but we can at least compare notes about our kitties and see where we are at

it will work out - no matter which way - it will - that I can at least promise.
Give Cassie a special scritch from me from across the ocean

good luck - please keep us updated. and PM me if you ever need some support

As many of you may have read, I panicked last week with my cat Cassie, and betrayed her trust. Luckily, we were able to get her back, and she's been very snuggly, very clingy, almost separation anxiety-ridden.

The first night she was back home, she ate a little, but not much. We have been trying to entice her with treats and snacks, to get her to come out of her shell. She has been fine, sleeping and what not, but not eating.

Last night, however, I was sleeping in the room with her, and she went over to her food bowl and was eating or so I thought. This afternoon, I was trying to give her some treats again, and she just licked them, tried to get them in her mouth, and basically just spit them back out.

Is it me, or does this sound like a classic case of depression? Without the clinginess, and the purring and snuggling, I would think that she's got some depression going on. Any advice? Thanks

Any time your cat has been lost outside, or away from you for a matter of days, it is always a good idea to take the cat to the vet upon its return. There is no telling what the cat was exposed to outside and the stress level for an inside cat finding them outside for the first time is pegged off the meter.

Originally Posted by hissy

Any time your cat has been lost outside, it is always a good idea to take the cat to the vet upon its return. There is no telling what the cat was exposed to outside and the stress level for an inside cat finding them outside for the first time is pegged off the meter.

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Hi hissy, actually Cassie was in a shelter for a few days. Although she was kept inside (with vet care), she was out of her element, with lots of noise, new scents and strangers (animals and humans).

I think we may bring her to the vet anyway, to get her checked out. Thank you.

Ahh see that's what happens when you start a new thread that should be a continuation of an old one. I merged the two so people can get the whole picture.

Ok I have read you whole thread and though I will not pass judgement, I will tell you I feel for Cassie in this situation.

Calicos have an attitude, they have to be my favorite cat, and older calicos that have been through stress- like Cassie has, are quite a challenge and a delight to work with.

I would completely stop paying attention to Napoleon for now. Feed him and see to his needs and get him neutered if he isn't already, but right now your focus should be on Cassie. There she was all entwined in your life, and comfortable and a new cat arrives, and suddenly she finds herself bounced out of your life and in a shelter. She is wondering what in the world she did to deserve this, and why in the world the two people she has grown to love has betrayed her. Cats do not remember the good stuff that happens, but they do not let go of the bad.

Your boyfriend was attacked because her defenses were up. There was a strange cat in HER home, and she was major stressed. Of course she would be on the alert and attack anything that set her off.

So for now, pay attention to her. Put her in a room by herself with plenty of things to occupy her- toys, a cat condo, maybe a cat cave, food, water, litter pans etc. If possible put a screened door between her and the rest of the house, not a solid door. She can't feel any part of being isolated, she has to be able to smell you, see you and hear you- she won't get that through a solid door.

Set up a schedule with her and keep to it- food and water at certain times of the day, her litter pan scooped out. Go in and sit on the floor and spend quiet time with her. Read out loud to her, write a letter, whatever, but make a schedule of activity with her- including playtime and stick to it. She has to understand that she can once again depend on you to not let her down. Do not let Napoleon anywhere near her for now, this is just between you and Cassie. She has to be able to set her watch by you, that is how scheduled this needs to be. Follow up each visit with a tasty treat she gets at no other time- the same goes with playtime- follow each play session with a tasty, meaty treat.

This cat has been betrayed- she will look at Napoleon as more of a threat now than she did before. You need to gain her trust back before moving forward and introducing the two cats again.

Thank you, Hissy, for your keen and sensitive advice. I understand though, I know that we've betrayed Cassie, and I feel so horrible about it. We have her in her own room, with toys, food, water, etc.

She was attempting to eat a few days ago, when we got her back, but now, she just basically licks it and spits it out. I am attending to her needs more than Napoleons now too. Good news, is she just ate a treat. YEAH! Before she was just ignoring them.

We are thinking of locking him up for now, and having her roam around the house. I am torn, I think it may be in some ways too soon for her, esp with his scent over everything. In others, I think it might help her, to know there is a world outside of the door.

I was just talking to my boyfriend and I said that if we have to return Napoleon BACK to the shelter again so she'll eat and be comfortable, so be it. I so want this to work, and am just wondering if on one hand, I'm being impatient, or on the other, if it will ever work. Of course, I cannot predict the future . I like him a lot and want them to learn to coexist but if it's going to just stress her out, she means more to me than any others...I want her to be happy and healthy. Thanks again for your wonderful advice.

I agree absolutely with Hissy! Poor little Cassie - she needs as much love and attention as you can give her now. Your bf has to realize it takes time and patience for two kitties to get to know one another and you can never rush it. I cannot understand why you brought this poor baby to a shelter - and I do not mean to pass judgement here, I realize you feel bad enough about it. At least she is home now with the people she loves and will be fine if you care for her and help her get thru this period. Cats hate change and the kind of stress she has been under can even make her phsyically ill! So give her as much care as you can.

As for Napolean, tend to his needs and care for him but you need to make sure the real resident kitty is well!

Originally Posted by CyberKitten

I agree absolutely with Hissy! Poor little Cassie - she needs as much love and attention as you can give her now. Your bf has to realize it takes time and patience for two kitties to get to know one another and you can never rush it. I cannot understand why you brought this poor baby to a shelter - and I do not mean to pass judgement here, I realize you feel bad enough about it. At least she is home now with the people she loves and will be fine if you care for her and help her get thru this period. Cats hate change and the kind of stress she has been under can even make her phsyically ill! So give her as much care as you can.

As for Napolean, tend to his needs and care for him but you need to make sure the real resident kitty is well!

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Hi Cyber, believe me -- I was just talking it over with my boyfriend. I was not 100% for bringing her to a shelter, but I just went with it, because we thought it was the right thing to do. It kills me, now having to win her trust back. She is probablyup to 50% -- she sleeps with me at night, snuggles, purrs, does all of her quirky things, but she is hiding a lot and not eating. That is what concerns me...she always LOVES to eat.

I thank you for not passing judgment on me, but I have beat myself up more for it that past week. It was only 4 days, but the longest 4 days of my life. I can't even imagine what it was like for her.

Any tips on how I can get her to eat?

I wonder if her teeth are bothering her? Cats stressed out in cages often gnaw at the bars which of course can cause injury to the mouth and to the teeth. The priority now is getting her to eat- and until she does, she should be confined, again in a room with an open access (screen door) and not a solid door between you and her.

If you read this article, you will find tips on how to get her to eat as well as why it is important that she does eat-

http://www.thecatsite.com/Cats/Cat_H...Lipidosis.html

New news on Cassie...

Well, last night she took a turn for the worst. She started having diarrhea and vomited twice. She hadn't been eating and was extremely lethargic.

We took her to the vet and now she under observation for the weekend .

I feel bad for my poor baby. I deserve it though, because I am a-hole who should be sterilized and never be allowed to have children of my own because I can't even take care of a freaking cat



I just want to thank Hissy, and Cyberkitten and everyone else who gave me such wonderful advice for my furbaby. Not to mention, "TheCatSite" has given me great info on nutrition. The only thing I can say is that Cassie is getting good care now, with her regular vet, and is on an IV so she won't get dehydrated. Oh my poor baby Thanks again

I'm not sure if people will agree with me or not, but things might not ever get better in this situation. I've had a lot of cats in my life, and there comes a time when you know a cat is not going to accept other cats or vice versa. Cassie, being of her temperment, might have passed the stage of "accepting" other cats when she was a kitten herself. She is used to being the only cat. She might not ever get used to the new cat. What you might have to decide is whether you are ok with having just one cat- Cassie - or if you want other cats to try and find her a new home. That would be hard on you, and hard on her, but maybe not as hard as living the rest of her life stressed out because there's another cat and she wants to be the only cat.

Time will tell, but I personally would not keep a cat when its clear she needs to be the only cat, for whatever reason. I also would not put her in a shelter unless it's a good one, but instead try re-homing. I am going through this right now. I have a 4 year old cat who at one time lived with 15 cats total and did fine, in a large house. Now, with smaller space, she is easily annoyed and instigates fights with my other cats. This has been going on for 7 months, and had gone on for 5 months before the first time I rehomed her (when it didn't work out, I took her back). Just try and be realistic. Can you live with one cat, or do you really want to be able to have 2? Either way, you might be looking at letting one of your kitties go.

I am not saying you must give her up NOW, chances are she will come around. I got a shelter cat a week and a half ago, a very tempermental tortoiseshell kitten around 13 weeks old, and although she does hiss at the food bowl and sometimes doesn't appreciate being near the other cats, she is not a nervous wreck anymore and she can coexist. So, if they can coexist meaning that your girl gets her personality back, maybe she growls at the kitten and doesn't like being around him, but she isn't a nervous wreck, then that might be the best you can get... hopefully that will be what happens! If not, rehoming might be the best option. If your new cat has a great personality it might be easier to find him a home, especially since Cassie loves you so much and you made a commitment to her first. Please let us know how it turns out!

Good luck.

PS... Cassie might have caught something at the shelter. Things go around there like you wouldn't believe, either from cat to cat or from person petting one cat to going on and petting another. Hopefully she will come around at the vet- but if they don't find anything medically wrong to explain her problems, you might need to move quicker on finding one of the cats a home, maybe the new one so Cassie can come back to her regular, peaceful, comfortable environment. That might sound mean, but if it's psychological then she needs things to be as much back to normal as possible. Poor baby I hope it works out. Make sure to visit her and stuff.

Originally Posted by notme1295

I'm not sure if people will agree with me or not, but things might not ever get better in this situation. I've had a lot of cats in my life, and there comes a time when you know a cat is not going to accept other cats or vice versa.

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I agree that there are cats that won't accept other cats (I've got one that goes ballistic even when he sees another cat outside his territory, e.g., at the vets', and there're two like that at the local "cat home" right now). However, I think it's way too early to pass that judgment on Cassie.
The main thing that led me to cat sites was Jamie's unwillingness to accept other cats (we adopted him at 10 weeks, and he wouldn't accept the presence of the mature resident male we had at the time). A lot of people advised me that it could take 3 to 6 months to successfully bring the two together. That never happened, and we divided the house for a couple of years. We currently have a "part-time cat" that eats here, has access to our laundry room at all times, but is taken to our neighbor's every night to sleep, for the same reason. She wants to live here, and Jamie won't go along with that. Throwing in the towel after just a few weeks isn't necessary, IMO.

I was thinking the same thing about Cassie picking up something at the shelter. That's a definite possibility.