advice needed please

Hi guys - need advice. Have been on sick the last five weeks due to a stomach problem that put me in the A and E dept for a day in hospital. I have had an ulcer that was bleeding, caused I guess by upset and stress through the divorce etc.
However, when my ex wife and I parted - I took on all the debts and said I would work to pay them off, leaving my ex (still loved) with caring for our dear son. I wanted them to not have to have money going out that would mean our son would lose out on things. My ex is doing really well and has her own place and moving on. I am financially crippled. One of the biggest outlays is as follows:
My job is 26 miles away and I am racking up over £200.00+ per month in fuel costs alone. I have been to see my bank and also a financial advisor who both - as well as a debt specialist - have all said that I need to cut down on things massively - being fuel and find a job nearer where I am currently living. That would start making in roads quick on the other debts.
Ok - thats fine.
However, come monday, I go back to the office as the ulcer is a lot easier and I will have a review about health and work. Question is though, should I sit down with my boss and tell her that having taken a lot of financial advice, I just cant afford to work where I am due to the large chunk of money being taken out for fuel every month and its costing me more than I have left? That I am having to look for something nearer where I am in order to cut down on expenses, pay off the c.cards etc quicker and thus, be able to get my own place and start again with a new life? I take my son out on a sunday and I cant afford to do anything with him which is heart breaking although he just enjoys the company, the play fights etc. Bless him.
Unsure if to be honest and lay my cards on the table with her or not as she can be funny about things?
Opinions and advice gratefully received.
Kev

Could this lead into talks about a salary increase?
Can you do a debt consolidation loan?

Originally Posted by GailC

Could this lead into talks about a salary increase?
Can you do a debt consolidation loan?

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In prev job, I spent about 60.00 per month on travel. When I took this one on, there were two salaries so we could afford it. I would need a substantial increase in salary to cover the out goings. At the moment, I have very little per month for myself and I hate not being able to get some things for our son - even if mum can afford them.
Am in communication with the bank about a loan - am hoping and praying - then again and praying for a lot of things that aint happening.....
K

Should you be honest - well that depends on the people you work for. Here I could not - I would need to make sure I had another job offer secured...

I think I'd be honest with your boss, tell her the situation and keep your fingers crossed that she's sympathetic. If nothing else, she should respect your honesty and will give you a good reference when you find another job. Maybe she could even offer some help in finding another job, does she have any contacts elsewhere?

Dont you get tax return at the end of the year for the travel?
"technically getting your money back on how much fuel you spent for traveling to work every day"
We do here they measure from where you lived to where you work.

Originally Posted by Hell603

Should you be honest - well that depends on the people you work for. Here I could not - I would need to make sure I had another job offer secured...

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Yes, keep quiet till you find a closer prospect..here in the U.S it is a disposable society. It's becoming harder to get decent consideration for anything. Cover your butt, just in case.

I'm surprised no one thought of this...Kev, would it be possible for you to move closer?? If this is a job that pays well (and I remember you being excited about working there!) I would move closer rather than look for something in your area that may be paying less money. It wouldn't mean moving out of your son's life...just a new location.

I would NOT say anything to your boss about the financial situation. Its none of her business unless it starts to affect your performance at work. What I would do is ask your wife for some assistance with these bills. She helped spend the money, she should help pay it back.

kev,

I am not saying that you still dop not love your ex or wanted this break up in any way. But the fact remains that you need to be able to live, and she was the one who walked out. You should NOT have taken on every bit of debt and left her carefree. Almost the exact same thing happened to my brother with in the past 8 weeks. His wife of 10 years has just decided that she would rather be a party girl than be married. As much as my brother loved her, he is seeking legal council who can help him walk away and not be financially ruined.

That's a tough situation, all right! The suggestion to move closer is definitely one to consider. Maybe you could take on a part-time evening job, perhaps as a bartender, bar-back or food server - it sounds crazy, but it's an adult social-life & you get paid for it! I know you have health concerns, but a little extra $$ would help ease the stress and if you could hire on with a good crew, it could be lots of fun. Anyway, a second job (dinnerhouse restaurant with bar/dancing upstairs) was my solution when I couldn't afford rent where I worked & had to move 45 miles away, and the night job paid (including tips) 3X what the office job did. And since your boss is unpredictable, I'd probably keep things to myself, except what directly concerns your job, regardless of your financial situation.

It never looks good to a supervisor to be sick for 5 weeks then come back saying I can't afford to work here.

Just let her know that you are glad of their support at this difficult time, you are glad to be back to work. You will work steadily, etc etc. They you can jpb hunt on your days off, and give them two weeks notice after you find something better. But in case you don't find what you want right away, let them go on knowing they can count on you to be there.

You may need to sit down with the ex and divide the bills up more evenly. Just because you love her doesn't mean you have to make yourself sick!

Best of luck to you, Kevin. Enjoy your upcoming visit with your son!

Originally Posted by Deb25

kev,

I am not saying that you still dop not love your ex or wanted this break up in any way. But the fact remains that you need to be able to live, and she was the one who walked out. You should NOT have taken on every bit of debt and left her carefree. Almost the exact same thing happened to my brother with in the past 8 weeks. His wife of 10 years has just decided that she would rather be a party girl than be married. As much as my brother loved her, he is seeking legal council who can help him walk away and not be financially ruined.

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Kev, I have to agree with Deb.