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Tigger/been 2 months need to chat

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
Hi
Tigger passed away at home from heart problems. I posted back in May and everyone was so wonderful here. I often come back to read what others are going through to help me out. I just have waves of sadness that overtake me and I thought I could share my feelings. Hopefully others can give me some wisdom. I know that time makes it less painful but I still go crazy with questions and sadness.
My poor husband says he just doesn't know what else to say. He gives me tons of hugs and asks what he can do. Ofcourse I say bring Tigger back. I know my husband hurts too - he got Tigger for me but he deals with it different.
We had Tigger for almost 14yrs - so unique. I wouldn't even say he was a cat because he was so smart and took care of me. He sleep with me
everynight and that is the hardest time for me. I'm crying while I type this because I can't believe he is gone. I haven't lost a pet before - hard to believe and we still have 6 wonderful loving kitties, but he was our first and Tigger and I had this bond.
I just don't know what to do to bring happiness back to my heart. Any words or stories would be great to help me. I have tried to move past the guilt part - that is the worst. I still get so mad that when I walked away to get a kleenex and write his birthday down (for the vet) he took his last breath. Why did I walk away - so stupid. I know mentally I shouldn't - my husband was with him - I was gone 20 seconds. I ran back over and grabbed Tigger and held him - he flinched two more times and that was it. My husband says he knew I was there but 14 years together and all the days I gave him medicine to prolong his life for 3 extra months and I missed the end. That is what kills me.
I miss him soooo much -
Thank you for letting me vent this out - it is hard when others around you don't quite get the pain. My thoughts are with all the others on this board that have lost a precious baby - Kelly
post #2 of 16
Hi Kelly

Losing a baby is never easy and you will truly never get over it

to you

Sam
post #3 of 16
Thread Starter 
I wouldn't even say he was a cat because he was so smart and took care of me

That didn't come out right - ALL cats are smart!! He was just extra - extra - extra - smart
Don't post while crying
Thanks again - Kelly
post #4 of 16
Oh, Kelly, my heart just weeps for you. I'm so very sorry you lost precious Tigger. I realize there are absolutley no words that could ease the agonizing pain in your heart. I feel we never completely get over the loss of our baby with whom we've shared our hearts and lives, our very inner selves. If you ever need an understanding friend, I'll be right here for you anytime at all. I'm praying for you now that God will give you peace in your heart during your difficult time of grief.
post #5 of 16
Kelly sweetheart, you most certainly have come to the right place if you want to talk. I know I wont be able to say anything at all that will help to ease your pain, but know that we are always here for you should you need a shoulder to lean on.

As we all know, loosing a kitty is never easy, no matter the circumstances. I can understand that you feel guilt still, and although we will all tell you not to, you will, and unfortunatly nothing we can say will make that feeling go away - not completely - but it will get better, that we can promise.

Just the fact that Tigger lived to 14 shows how loved and cared for he was - that most certainly is a credit to you and your husband. You did all you could to ease his pain in those last few months of his life. Sure you walked away at that last moment, but that is insignificant my friend, you were there for 14 years of his life - you were there for him throughout everything. Maybe Tigger wanted to ease your pain and waited until you left the room - its possible.

Are you aware of the rainbow bridge? I hope so, as its most certainly helps knowing where Tigger is, knowing that he is happy and healthy and playing - waiting until he can see you again Sweet angel Tigger, who has his wings now, and is watching over you... he is so happy that he had such a long happy healthy life with you and I have no doubt that he misses you as well
post #6 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thank you for the kind words, support and understanding.
It means so much to know that there are others who have felt this pain that can lend advice and comfort to those that need it.
post #7 of 16
Hi, Kelly. I'm Howard or BKD and I think it is time for another lil furbaby to discover that you and your hubby are his/her people. The new furbundle is not to replace Tigger cause that isn't what happens but to help you heal and to give the new kitty the love and family that he/she needs. I'm sure that Tigger is telling you that it is time you just can't quite hear him because it is quite a way over the Bridge. Somewhere out there is a kitty looking for you, Go and find her. You will know when It is right because she/he will tell you so, I promise.
post #8 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by itekks
My poor husband says he just doesn't know what else to say. He gives me tons of hugs and asks what he can do. Ofcourse I say bring Tigger back. I know my husband hurts too - he got Tigger for me but he deals with it different.
Please don't tell him to bring Tigger back. He would if he could, but he can't. IMHO it isn't fair to ask that of him. Next time he asks what he can do, just have him hold you while you cry. It will help you feel better.
Quote:
Originally Posted by itekks
I have tried to move past the guilt part - that is the worst. I still get so mad that when I walked away to get a kleenex and write his birthday down (for the vet) he took his last breath. Why did I walk away - so stupid. I know mentally I shouldn't - my husband was with him - I was gone 20 seconds. I ran back over and grabbed Tigger and held him - he flinched two more times and that was it. My husband says he knew I was there but 14 years together and all the days I gave him medicine to prolong his life for 3 extra months and I missed the end. That is what kills me.
I am an RN. I used to work in the hospital, and have had patients who were dying. Sometimes their family would stay at their bedside for days, and the moment they stepped away, the person would die. With one lady, I was holding one hand, and the nurse's aid was holding the other hand. The moment the daughter stepped out of the room, the patient was gone.

I think Tigger did the same thing. He took the little choice he had. He knew he had to go, his time was up. But he tried to protect you from his loss, by going the second you turned your head. Please don't feel you let him down, he was just trying to protect you a tiny bit of the pain you feel at losing him. He did not mean to cause you to feel guilty, he just couldn't go until you looked away. He knew you were still in the room, still loving him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by itekks
My thoughts are with all the others on this board that have lost a precious baby - Kelly
Thank you. The thoughts from fellow catladies and catguys are very comforting at a difficult time!
post #9 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckiboo
He took the little choice he had. He knew he had to go, his time was up. But he tried to protect you from his loss, by going the second you turned your head.
I think this could be so true of what happened. He knew it was time to go and it was probably just as hard for him to leave you.

While all of our little ones are special to us, there are some who become so close to us. I had to come here and introduce everyone to my best friend whom I lost two years ago. I have cried on my husband's shoulder many, many times. And writing her memorial made me cry another river.

Your depth of pain indicates the depth of the love you had for Tigger. Remind yourself of how fortunate you were to know and love him.

Soon after I lost Petunia, we did get a kitten as the vet had taken in a litter. I was afraid of the idea that I was replacing her. A very wise friend told me that I was not replacing her but transferring all of the love I had to give to another being who needed it. So cry for Tigger and feel the pain. And then give very special love to those around you.

Jana
post #10 of 16
So sorry to hear about your loss Kelly, no matter how long ago it was...the pain is still very real and it is so good that you are getting it out. The pain will ease in time and so will the guilt. I went though alot of guilt when my beloved Muggins died over a year and a half ago. Now that I look back I knew that she was going to die that day but for whatever reason my mind wouldn't let me face the truth.

It will get better, but the amount of time it takes is completley dependant on you, just do what comes naturally, and if that's crying or screaming then do it, don't keep the pain in.

I am sending my prayers your way. Take care
post #11 of 16
It's only been a few months since you lost your beautiful friend Tigger. I lost Nancy in 1999 and I still miss her. I lost Magenta in 1982 and I still feel guilty that she was at my mother's when she died. It takes time for the grief to settle down. It will. I know it comes in wave, but the waves will slowly get futher apart and somehow you will make peace with it and your heart will accept it. Be easy on your husband, he can't bring Tigger back, let him comfort you. It will get easier with time.
post #12 of 16
Thread Starter 
I just want to thank you again - you all are so wonderful.
My husband has been my rock through this - he is my best friend and believe me his shoulder is worn out He is the greatest sounding board along with all of you. So just wanted to thank you for all your stories and wisdom - it does really help.
post #13 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beckiboo
I think Tigger did the same thing. He took the little choice he had. He knew he had to go, his time was up. But he tried to protect you from his loss, by going the second you turned your head. Please don't feel you let him down, he was just trying to protect you a tiny bit of the pain you feel at losing him. He did not mean to cause you to feel guilty, he just couldn't go until you looked away. He knew you were still in the room, still loving him.
Kelly, I really do think this it true. Tigger was trying to spare you some pain.


Two months isn't a very long time. Of course you are still upset. We lsot Molly in November and it still bothers me. I still miss her. I call Abby "Molly" soemtiems by accident and then I feel guilty for doing that. I was goign though paperwork this weekend and found the paperwork for Molly's "last visit" to the vet. I didn't take that well. I take Abby to the same vet and it still bothers me every tiem I drive by the place or walk in the door thinkking about Molly's last visit. What you are feeling is normal. It's either that, or everyone on this board has issues. We got Abby approximately 2 months after we lsot Molly., so aroudn how yoau re feeling now. Sure there was guilt, but there was also love. My husband's theory was that Molly knew that we had such a good experience with her and had so much love for her, that we had to share that love with another little girl. Of course, I think that Molly is getting even with us by sending us a little hellraiser . Ok, enough of my rambling.

If you ever need to talk to someone, please feel free to PM me. All of us here understand what you are going through.

Karen
post #14 of 16
Recently losing my own furbaby, I feel your pain, Kelly. This is the best place I have found to come and talk to other catlovers about this hardest time in our lives. I couldn't be with Sunni when she crossed the bridge, and every moment I think about that it tears me up inside. Still, I know that she and Tigger were loved while they were with us, and they knew that as well. My condolences and best wishes.
post #15 of 16
Dear Kelly,
I am so sorry for you loss of Tigger and your sadness at that loss.
What you are going through is normal. I always recommend that you just go with what you feel and let it all out. I know how hard it is to believe that your Tigger is gone. I go through the same things especially when I lose an older furbaby. It took me at least a month to even start grieving for my Tizhee who died last September. I just couldn't believe she was no longer there. She mostly slept all the time anyway. But I sure miss her now. I will always feel the void of her abscence and you will probably feel the void of Tigger as well.
Please don't beat yourself up at not being at Tiggers side when he passed on. He probably planned it that way. And I am sure that he loved you so very much and he wouldn't want you to be sad because of it. I know I always wish to be there in the end to be able to comfort and love them on their way out. But it just doesn't happen that way always. It is hard to accept but we have to and go on.
My heart goes out to you and please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. The pain will ease but it will never go completely away. Mine never does.
Maybe you would want to check out this site.In Memory of Pets It is a pets only grief site and there are a lot of great people there as well. There is also a wealth of info there as well as there is here.
post #16 of 16
Kelli, my thoughts are with you. The pain will ease over time, but you will alway have a spot in your heart for Tigger. Remember the good times, and in 14 years you should have a lot of them. Don't feel guilty for not being there the second he passed over, your husband was there and you were close by, he knew you were there and loving him. He is watching over you now and will be waiting to see you again. I know these are only words but I hope they make you feel a little better. RIP TIgger
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