cat jealous over new guy? kinda long

I broke up with a long term boyfriend and moved into a new house. My 5 year old cat has been adjusting to the new house and roommate pretty good. He still hisses and runs from my roommate and her toddler child. Although when I hold him, they are both able to pet him without incident. Just a little soft growling. He has also started rubbing on my roommates legs while she's in the kitchen - and then wanting belly-rubs. SO! I think he is adjusting to the move and new people fairly good, it's been 3 months since we moved.

But now I have started seeing someone new, and when he comes over my cat is very verbally and physically violent towards this new guy and me. When they first met each other, the cat seemed normal - kinda timid, soft growling, and he ran off - like he does when ANYONE tries to meet him. But since this new guy has been coming around more, my cat freaks out!

My cat screams, punches (de-clawed), spits, growls, snaps, etc. at this guy. I tried holding my cat, and getting him calmed down to where he will not run off my lap - then having Mr. New enter the room - but sit on the opposite side of the room. Well - that did NOT work - cat freaked out, hissed, punched, and scratched me up! (he has back claws only).

I know that it's jealousy - since my cat sleeps, eats, and watches tv with me. He is always by me.... but how can I stop him from acting this way? The cat will stay in the room that we are in, and sit there growling at him. When I try to pick the cat up to take to another room, he will attack me. This morning I found puke by his litter box. So now I know this is getting him very upset. I also don't want Mr. New to get weirded out by my cat, who apparently hates him!!

There has got to something that I can do! Some kind of therapy??

I guess I would worry more about my cat than the boyfriend but that's just me. My cat is usually good at gaging the men in my life and if she does not like them, she usually has a VERY good reason.

Have you tried Rescue Remedy - this poor kitty has been thru so many changes in his life and here is yet another one. He is likely telling you "enough is enough!!". Cats, as you may know, HATE change! And while we sometimes anthropomorhisize our kitties, I doubt it is actual jealously but he may see the new boyfriend as an impediment to time with you. And yet another change. Give him LOTS of attention when the boyfriend is around and if the bfriend actually feeds him and does things FOR him, he may start to come around BUT it takes time!!!!

How long is it since he was declawed? That is a painful procedure that also has been known to create personality changes, even quite some time after the procedure. He has obviously adjusted if he is using his litter box well but since they can feel helpless without their ckaws - a means of defense - they can be more ninsecure and that may be playing a part here.

He has been declawed since he was a little kitten.
When I lived with the old boyfriend - we hardly had anyone come over... if ever! So my cat has not really been around other people. I do try to hold him and pet him and tell him that "he's my main man!" when Mr. New is around. When I am able to actually approach him, that is!
I have tried to make the move to the new house as "non-shocking" as possible. The furniture is the same - which I did not upholstry clean until 2 weeks ago, I didn't wash my bed comforter for almost 3 weeks... and I did not wash or clean his own little bed - yet! He has used the litter box without any problems.... I have even made adjustments on the placement of that - and he still manages to use it. I do the same routine with him everyday when I get home from work.....

Mr. New has tried to just sit on the other side of the room and call him, had food in his hands, even had the fishing line toy.... but my cat just would not give him the time of day.

I know that maybe it's a "sign"..... and I joke with Mr. New about it, and I know he thinks it.... but right now I am not taking that into consideration.... ha ha!!

Originally Posted by hissy

I would also approach this relationship with caution- cats are very intuitive, anytime my cats show strong dislike for a person it turns out to be for a very good reason.

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No!
If you like this man, go for it.

As for the cats reaction, if the relationship with the new chap goes well and he is around at feeding time get him to put out the food, give the odd treat.

Originally Posted by hissy

I would just leave your cat alone and let him be when MrNew is in the house. Don't actively pursue this cat and make him sit on your lap and endure pets while you try and reassure him that all is well. Just ignore the cat and tell Mr. New to do the same. I would also approach this relationship with caution- cats are very intuitive, anytime my cats show strong dislike for a person it turns out to be for a very good reason.

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Oh, I don't know. If I trusted Scaredy's intuition, I would have to believe everybody that ever came into my house was a horrible person, my relatives included. He is scared to death of everyone and runs and hides if anyone comes over. Now, I personally know my relatives are not horrible people, and neither are my freinds. But the way he looks at them, with such fear in his eyes... you would think they were devil incarnate.

Personally, I would leave the cat alone and let him hide when Mr. New comes over. Don't make him to be around Mr. New if he doesn't want to.

I wonder if there is a kitty aprhodisiac (sp) spray that your boyfriend could wear lol. Or some way to help your cat associate the boyfriend with something good.

One of my cats was very very afraid of all people with a low voice (men) and it took him some time before he finally adjusted. The more your boyfriend is around hopefully the cat will get used to hearing his voice and will realize he's not going to harm him.